I'm so sorry for your loss as well, that's a terrible illness to go through, and see a family member go through. I'm glad you had that last moment with her as well, that's meaningful. But I know how it comes with a whole mixture of confusing and sometimes contradicting emotions.
Sincerely, thank you. Both for this compassion and taking the time to help talk me through this! This is really good advice, and I so appreciate that you cared enough to help, thank you.
I feel bad about coming in this thread and bringing the mood down though. Sorry guys, please don't let me stop the normal flow of conversation. I don't keep up to date or post in this thread often, but I do lurk here sometimes and enjoy reading about things like
@WhistlingBadger 's bow hunting and what
@jaylach is doing, and how your pets are doing!
I gave my Orange-Wing Amazon and mum's Hahns Macaw (who hates me with a passion and always tries to sneak a bite when I interact with him, but is adorable and playful still) some orange slices for the first time the other day. Oscar, my Amazon pinned his eyes, flashed his tail and made happy noises. Max, the Hahns, threw it on the floor of his cage in disgust. Oscar loves eating anything I have, loves fresh fruit and veg supplimented with a good quality parrot seed and nut mix, and doesn't hesitate to try any new food or toys. But Max was apparently reared on seeds and nuts, and isn't good about eating fresh food, although I still try him with some every time.
Which is odd since Oscar was aviary raised and I got him at four months old, and it took me six months of hard work before he'd let me touch him. But he pair bonded with me and is silly tame with me, but won't let anyone else touch him, lol. Mum and dad got Max who was apparently hand reared, but wasn't super tame and became pretty aggressive as he matured. He's sweet, but doesn't love being handled, or eating different foods, while I can do pretty much anything with Oscar. But maybe the people who hand reared Max just fed a seed mix or pellets or something.
This is one thing I'm really struggling with. My depression and fog of grief over losing dad was already severe - I lost all desire to care about myself. But I have to, because mum needs me to be more together and on top of things, so I'm trying to pull myself out of the fog and out of the depression pit. Because I have to. But depression always tells me I'm not doing a good enough job.
I'm terrified by how fast she's gone downhill. Even since the tests in October and diagnosis early Nov. I really want to talk to a doctor or nurse that knows about her case, but of course, it's the weekend. District nurse are coming for a visit on Tuesday, possibly with mum's social worker and diabetic nurse, not sure yet. At the moment she seems okay. Tired, but now they've lowered her insulin she isn't going hypo in the mornings anymore, which is great, but I have to do her blood sugar tests throughout the day, monitor her insulin injections, and prompt and help with personal care now. I'm happy to do the personal care - I worked as a care assistant in nursing homes for years, then five/six years as a support worker for people with profound learning difficulties before my breakdown. So helping people with personal care isn't an issue for me, but it's still a process of her accepting the help, and trying to maintain her independence and dignity as much as possible.
Don't worry about that - luckily the NHS and various cancer charities and social supports are kicking in since she's designated palliative care, so lots of different agencies doing assessments and seeing what help they can offer. It's overwhelming at times, but I have a brilliant GP fortunately, and the health team for mum have been excellent.
