Tell me something funny

[JuiceBox52]

 

[Fishmanic]

View attachment 358426

Substitute aquariums instead of Aquarius in the following song

 

[jaylach]

 

[lottabubbles]

 

[WhistlingBadger]

Reminds me of the story about the two city guys who came out here to hunt deer. They managed to make a kill and were dragging their deer back to their pickup when they passed me and my dad. They commented on how hard it was to move the deer, and my dad noticed that they were dragging it by the hind legs. "Drag it the other way," he said. "Grab it by the antlers and drag it the other way so the hair lays down flat. You'll find the going a lot easier."

They took dad's advice and in no time at all they had moved their deer about a hundred yards. "Wow, that guy was right, this is a lot easier," one hunter said. "Yeah," replied his partner, "it's easier, but we keep getting farther and farther away from the truck!"

 

[lottabubbles]

Reminds me of the story about the two city guys who came out here to hunt deer. They managed to make a kill and were dragging their deer back to their pickup when they passed me and my dad. They commented on how hard it was to move the deer, and my dad noticed that they were dragging it by the hind legs. "Drag it the other way," he said. "Grab it by the antlers and drag it the other way so the hair lays down flat. You'll find the going a lot easier."

They took dad's advice and in no time at all they had moved their deer about a hundred yards. "Wow, that guy was right, this is a lot easier," one hunter said. "Yeah," replied his partner, "it's easier, but we keep getting farther and farther away from the truck!"

that's a good one, remember back in the early 70's when I first heard that one. where the hell does the time go. keep wondering if I'm having enough fun for what time I have left!

 

[AtomicFish]

I have no idea who juice box is and I’ve been here a while.

 

[lottabubbles]

Substitute aquariums instead of Aquarius in the following song

today is my birthday and been 78 trips around our sun. I am Aquarius and am a product of that time period so I played the song in remembrance of those days and times.

 

[gwand]

Happy birthday. Still time to buy more fish.

 

[lottabubbles]

Happy birthday. Still time to buy more fish.

don't think I want to disrupt the peaceful neighborhood in the aquarium. they all seem happy and want to grow old together. tomorrow is aquarium cleaning day and I'm glad it's going to be a little warmer. just wish the pleco would quit eating( all ) the cory eggs off the glass.

 

[Bertha]

Please tell me funny stories to cheer me up. Life experiences or jokes or something haha

This guy goes into a pet store [why a pet store, I don't know]. He goes up to an employee and says, "I'd like a dozen bees, please." The employee goes into the back and puts the bees into a bag. He takes the bag to the customer. The customer opens the bag to count the bees. He closes the bag and says, "There are thirteen bees in here." The employee says, "Oh, yeah. That's a freebie."

 

[JuiceBox52]

I have no idea who juice box is and I’ve been here a while.

Hi it’s me

 

[Fishfunn]

Carl is in the 10th year of a life sentence when he gets a new cellmate, Jim.
After sizing Jim up and deciding he can trust him, Carl shares his grand plan to escape.
“You see,” Carl begins, “for the first five years I was in here, I trained my digestive system to follow my command. Now, I can eat something, and it comes out broken down into its components.”
Jim looks skeptical but intrigued.
Carl continues, “For the last five years, I’ve been swallowing pieces of my uniform. It’s perfect because the guards just think it’s rats chewing on it.”
Confused but curious, Jim asks, “Well, what does that have to do with me? How can I help?”
Carl explains, “The pieces of fabric come out as individual fibers. By this time next year, I figure we’ll have enough to fashion a rope to climb over the wall. I just need you to tie the fibers together.”
Jim, thoroughly disgusted, exclaims, “You have got to be kidding me!”
Carl grins and replies, “I ****. You knot.”

 

[WhistlingBadger]

Ever wonder why you can be overwhelmed, and underwhelmed, but you're never just "whelmed."

Similarly, a person without pity is ruthless. But we never say that a compassionate person has a lot of ruth. Or maybe they should be ruthful. Our language is really weird sometimes.