Hullo, sorry for vanishing again, I just needed a break. Missed many of you though <3

[AdoraBelle Dearheart]

Ministers are used to dealing with all sorts of people. I'm sure this is doubly true in a country as secularized as England.

Funnily enough, it turns out she's from Texas! (@Slaphppy7 ) hasn't lived in the UK all that long, but she seemed to get what we meant about semi-religious etc, and was nice.

Remember that emotions are just emotions. Feel them, acknowledge them, let them go when they decide to go. It's OK to cry and it's OK not to cry. It's all part of the journey.

Thank you

Naps are part of the journey too. Naps are good.

Naps are good! Thank you for that too. Just needed to shut my brain off for a little while.

 

[GaryE]

A Texas Methodist missionary? That's kind of interesting.

Does she have a regional British accent mixed with a Texas one? I'd like to hear that, although whether I'd understand it would be a good question.

I like to use short naps as resets when stressful things are happening.

 

[Essjay]

Strange things do happen. My mother's funeral was conducted by a Polish ex-Roman Catholic minister who had converted to the Church of England.

 

[AdoraBelle Dearheart]

I can't do this. Dad's funeral is on the 20th. Final arrangements with family and the funeral home are happening, and I still cannot face that he's gone. Talking to people on the phone about the funeral and his passing is enough to make me break down into sobs and a shaking mess - how am I going to get through the funeral when I still can't even stand the thought that he's gone? Stand up and read a eulogy when I have a panic attack and can't breathe, let alone get through a reading? We're all a mess. I should pull myself together and be strong for my mother, and honour my father. But I can't do this!!!!

 

[Rocky998]

I can't do this. Dad's funeral is on the 20th. Final arrangements with family and the funeral home are happening, and I still cannot face that he's gone. Talking to people on the phone about the funeral and his passing is enough to make me break down into sobs and a shaking mess - how am I going to get through the funeral when I still can't even stand the thought that he's gone? Stand up and read a eulogy when I have a panic attack and can't breathe, let alone get through a reading? We're all a mess. I should pull myself together and be strong for my mother, and honour my father. But I can't do this!!!!

You got this Belle! I know you do!

 

[AdoraBelle Dearheart]

You got this Belle! I know you do!

I really, really don't. i wish I did, I'm supposed to, I have to, people are relying on me to - but I can't and I dont and I hate myself for being so weak

 

[GaryE]

You can. If you have to break down in sobs, let it out. We're human, and not to feel pain in your situation wouldn't be human. I think a whole pile of us would love to get into Rocky's (imaginary ) private jet and come support you, but take whatever strength you can from the fact we would be there if we could, for you and your family. It is hard to do, and hard with the long timespace between things. Deal with today, and then tomorrow, deal with tomorrow. Keep putting one foot in front of the other.

 

[Wills]

I can't do this. Dad's funeral is on the 20th. Final arrangements with family and the funeral home are happening, and I still cannot face that he's gone. Talking to people on the phone about the funeral and his passing is enough to make me break down into sobs and a shaking mess - how am I going to get through the funeral when I still can't even stand the thought that he's gone? Stand up and read a eulogy when I have a panic attack and can't breathe, let alone get through a reading? We're all a mess. I should pull myself together and be strong for my mother, and honour my father. But I can't do this!!!!

Reading a eulogy is very hard on the day, I've never been able to do it but I've written them and asked the person doing the service to read them.

But if its something you want to do just go for it, read it as it comes out and if thats in bits as you need to that is more than ok! You could even have a long and a short version and see how you feel on the day.

 

[Deleted member 149562]

These words by Sagar Yadav might give you a little bit of inspiration you are looking for......I often turn to poetry when feeling "up against it" and when things seem to be heading south constantly....and screaming at the wall isn't helping much.....

I will rise
After every fall.
I will rise
And stand tall.

I will rise
Over the wall.
I will rise
Above them all.

Like the sun,
Which never dies.
Though sets every night,
Every day it does rise.

Like the ocean
Whose tides
Many times they are down,
But invariably they rise.

Like the trees,
From seeds they arise,
And heights great
They rise and rise.

After falling once,
Twice and thrice,
Again and again
I will rise and rise.

I will rise
After every fall.
After every fall
I will rise.

 

[AdoraBelle Dearheart]

These are two readings that resonated with me, but all I want to do is scream, cry, and hide from the world, so genuinely don't know how I will stand in front of people and read without breaking into a panic attack and breaking down

Possible readings

As We Look Back - Unknown Author
As we look back over time
We find ourselves wondering. . .
Did we remember to thank you enough
For all you have done for us?
For all the times you were by our sides
To help and support us,
To celebrate our successes,
To understand our problems,
And accept our defeats?
Or for teaching us by your example,
The value of hard work, good judgment,
Courage and integrity?
We wonder if we ever thanked you
For the sacrifices you made
To let us have the very best?
And for the simple things
Like laughter, smiles and times we shared?
If we have forgotten to show our
Gratitude enough for all the things you did,
We’re thanking you now.
And we are hoping you knew all along,
How much you meant to us.

He Is Gone - David Harkins
You can shed tears that he is gone,
or you can smile because he has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that he'll come back,
or you can open your eyes and see all he's left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see him,
or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember him only that he is gone,
or you can cherish his memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind,
be empty and turn your back.
Or you can do what he'd want:
smile, open your eyes, love and go on.

 

[Deleted member 149562]

The way that I got through the eulogy for my sister and her two children.....

I asked if I could visit the chapel beforehand, stood where I was going to have to stand and looked ahead of me and found something that I could stare at and study whilst delivering what I had to say.

I didn't use poetry for Gwyneth, Simon and Thomas. I put into words how they were when alive, their funny habits, those memories that made me chuckle on a bad day....and with the boys being so young, those little toddler mischieviousness antics. Most of all I gave my opinion of my sister, who she was to me, the times that we shared, the times of sadness and those lighter moments.

I tried to focus on that thing in the room that I found when visiting the chapel days before the service......it was a brass candelabra, decorated with flowers and with three candles flickering. I stared at that candelabra throughout the eulogy. The voice did break. The tears did roll down my face. But staring at that candelabra and those flickering candles was a comfort since I knew full well that looking at the mourners infront of me, I would surely shatter into a million sobbing pieces.

When walking through the flowers after the service had ended, that is when I allowed myself to let go.......and by golly I absolutely let go. After some time, I regained my composure enough to greet my brother-in-law, Steven, (Gwyneth's husband, Simon & Thomas' daddy) and support him as best that I could.

So...and as hard as it is to do....find something in the room to concentrate your focus on whilst speaking. Try to avoid making eye contact with anyone since that is guaranteed to break your composure. Then allow yourself to let go of all your emotions after doing your duty as a faithful and loving daughter. Make time and space for yourself to truly grieve and say your farewells. Only after you have emotionally released all the pent up feelings, go to mum and support her. It is not selfish to take care of your own grief before everyone elses, it is something that you must do in order to hold onto a slice of sanity on a day that all seems totally lost.

It will be immeasurably hard, but you will do this.....you'll do your Father proud and be great comfort to your Mother whilst taking care of yourself and your feelings of loss.

 

[AdoraBelle Dearheart]

I'm a bit more stable today... have some more details finalised and confirmed, and just went on a long with Pixie pup

Not a photo from today, today was rainy and the park was half swamp, but that's pretty ideal conditions according to Springer Spaniels, which she mostly is, so she had a wonderful time and needed a pretty thorough bath and session with a hairdryer after, so she's now super fluffy and pretty.

Went on this particular walk to meet up with the neighbour who has incredibly kindly agreed to dogsit for me while we're at the funeral. Pixie didn't use to have separation anxiety much, but she used to be left with Jack and my folks usually, rarely left alone for long, but in recent years especially since dad broke his hip in 2021, there's always been someone home, so she's not used to being left alone anymore.

The night we were all at the hospital, she got into an absolute state. Granted, we were all upset, and she picks up on that very easily and gets upset/wants to comfort too. But when I got home from the hospital she'd obviously been barking, crying and whining a lot, and so stressed that her entire chin and front was soaked in drool. I was already devastated about dad, and felt so horrible about what Pix went through while we were gone as well. So I knew I'd have to find someone to take care of her while we were all out for the funeral.


They're a wonderful couple, friends we made through dog walking, and they were really fond of dad too. One of them who walked their dog and saw us the most is coming to the funeral, and her wife will take care of Pix. She's met Pix many times on walks, but not often recently since they lost their dog last year, so wanted to remind Pix who she is and bribe her with some high value treats! Cheese and ham always gets Pixie's attention and devotion. I feel very lucky that we have them as neighbours and friends.

 

[GaryE]

Remember, it is tough to head towards a funeral, but you are surrounded by good people. And dogs. Good dogs matter.

 

[Deleted member 149562]

@AdoraBelle Dearheart

I truly hope that today you find the strength and the love to speak out for your Father, to support your Mother and most importantly find time for you, yourself to grieve and find peace in your heart

Saying final farewells is hard and will always be so. But say them we must as that is a part of humanity.

Be strong but be you...cry, scream....it is unfair to lose a loved one.

You're not alone today.....I'll be thinking of you and your Mother as I am sure others here will be too.

Take care of yourself, remember your Father with love and good times. He will always live within your heart and in your mind, he will never truly leave your side.

 

[Wills]

@AdoraBelle Dearheart thinking of you today