Hugs 
out of time. Mum at end stage.
- Thread starter AdoraBelle Dearheart
- Start date
OP
OP
Well, I had been feeling a lot better physically and mentally in a lot of ways after the funeral. Still grieving, still knowing this was going to be a long slog of a process and a huge uphill battle to tackle everything, but more confident I could get through it, more about to grab onto the positives and not spinning out so much emotionally. Still trying to get better quality sleep and into more of a normal routine, but I've made some healthier meals for family and I and had leftovers, spent more time with the other animals, and was determined to keep building off the baby steps of progress we have made.
But it seems to take relatively little to drag me down again, and send me spiralling into fear, panic, and doubt.
I'm still so grateful for a lot of things, and people, and trying to hold onto that, and remind myself that the rest is basically paperwork and hoop jumping, and getting organised.
Not life and death anymore, that whatever happens, it can be sorted out. Somehow.
After the funeral Monday, I had to call GP surgery because I'd run out of basically all of my meds, had ordered my routine prescriptions including a reliever inhaler last week, but pharmacy didn't have the script yet, so had to chase the surgery for that. They arranged for my wonderful GP to call me later that Tuesday, and he was amazingly reassuring again, got everything sorted and sent through to pharmacy, told me I'm doing incredibly well and to give myself credit, and that he's in my corner, and not to fret about the benefits system applications and stuff (I'm currently on ESA, but reapplying for PIP, and I'm terrified and depressed about having to apply for more benefits help, again, but know that I need to to stand a chance of making it, financially and in terms of getting the support I'd need to stand a chance of rebuilding some kind of life for myself), that they'd contact him for medical evidence, and he has plenty, that I'm entitled to that help because he knows it's genuine mental illness, and that I'm working so so hard to try to fight through it, and rebuild again, after I'd given up on myself a long time ago.
So I'd been feeling more positive. Writing thank you cards for friends and family that came to the service, getting some more of the physical housework and animal care done, but also trying to do some more proper self care, like getting some sleep, making some meals for my brother and I, and my uncle when he was here, then freezing extra portions, so I'd have healthier, home made but still fairly quick and easy meals on hand. Appreciating the signs of Spring, dealing with the calls and emails that came in, and letting myself cry when I needed to.
Spent some more time here engaged in the actual forum, instead of just pm's and this thread, and getting excited again about setting up my other tanks and transferring current fish, and potential "new" (second hand) set ups, using the tanks and decor/substrate I already have. Because I know that having positive things to look forward to and focus on other than the sad and hard stuff is important too. CBT techniques and psychology say so, anyway.
Today I was ready to tackle probate/settling funeral invoices, and a priority, getting myself a mobile phone and SIM set up. I haven't had a mobile in a few years now. Never cared for tech, so always had an ancient phone even when I did used to have one, so I'm not wanting anything expensive or fancy. But most come with free calls and texts plans now, and landline doesn't, but since I've been largely housebound between caring for parents, and my own agoraphobia, I just relied on parents landline, and things like FB messenger on laptop for contact with friends. But you can't function without one nowadays.
I had been going to use an ancient Nokia dumbphone, any potentially a pay as you go SIM. Then my brother decided to instantly blow through his own carer's grant on a new PS5 and second hand but still much newer smartphone, because he loves his tech and toys, and said I should use his old handset, even though the battery life is apparently rubbish now, but still, better than the ancient Nokia option I'd been going with previously.
I have a SIM for giffgaff I was going to try to activate and use with either of those old handsets. But decided to try to get a really basic, but newer, inexpensive contract with phone through Tesco mobile after seeing one of their ads. Got confused by website so called, I'd been looking between a Samsung Galaxy A14, Motorola Moto E13, and a Nokia C32. Didn't know much about or care about which, just whatever was available on a cheaper contract plan, wasn't too complex etc. Guy on the phone suggested Nokia is basically the same phone as the Samsung, but cheaper, and better than the Motorola, so I was like great, okay, lets go with that, low data plan, and about £11.50 per month, 24 month contract.
Nothing fancy, wild or expensive, plenty of money in my account, but payment wasn't successful, so had the embarrassment of explaining that my card had been frozen for online stuff before (although I could use it in stores, and didn't online shop much anyway, so hadn't rushed to fix it), but that I thought it had been sorted with the bank a few weeks ago, so I'm guessing something in my credit history meant it had declined.
Found out the DWP doesn't communicate with different departments, and ESA wasn't yet aware of my change of address from 2020/2021(!!) so panicked and began trying to wade through my own messy and unorganised paperwork, trying to find out the exact date I officially gave up my council flat to move back to parents to help care for them and because having my PIP stopped and ESA cut in half while there had financially crippled me, so I'd avoided opening mail and sunk into avoidant depression, then just focused on caring for parents, planning to opt out of life myself once they no longer needed me, because I felt too broken to ever make a proper recovery.
Couldn't find the date and slipped into a full on panic attack, thinking of what a nightmare this is. That I'd need to contact the bank again to figure out how I could manage to have a mobile again if I can't pass a credit check, or afford a handset, that I'd have to continue using landline just to sort all this out, and also needing to contact mum and dad's banks again to settle the invoices for their funerals, and when I spoke to funeral company this morning, they weren't sure if they could add the invoice from the previous company for the cost of collecting mum to their own invoice anymore, but I'm pretty sure that before, the funeral director said they could, I'd just asked him to hold off while I contested the £25 per day storage free that Thomas Day had snuck onto there and not told me about, despite my specifically asking on the 27th, when they called to refuse to handle mum's funeral since dad's wasn't fully paid off yet, and been icy cold and cruel to me, at such a low point.
Using the landline is running up yet more bills that we won't be able to afford, but have no choice right now. So got my brother to look after Pixie for me while I took some diazepam and waited for it to kick in, called and left a voicemail for the social worker through St Peter's Hospice that have given us the most practical help and encouragement to say I was getting overwhelmed and needed help, again, plus the PIP application form has arrived, and she had said to let her know when it came and she'd help me make sure it was done properly too, as did CAB, who are due to call me next week.
Called DWP ESA to try to sort the change of address, and got that done, but was super scary, especially since they wanted to know dates, of course, and I can't remember dates, and explained I was wading through tons of paperwork trying to find it, that the details will be here somewhere, but I need time and/or help to uncover the right paperwork, and panic was making my brain shut down. Even pre-illness, my memory for dates and things has always been terrible. The bank, the city council, the housing benefit people, most other companies all knew about the change of address, how did I overlook the one benefit I'm still on?? But I also kind of assumed they all drew from the same database, and knew?? But apparently, they don't. So who knows what sensitive info may have been mailed to my old addy...
Got the ESA change of address done anyway, even though I couldn't give precise dates, was on hold for more than 30 minutes just to get through, and haven't contacted the bank yet (again) to sort out the funeral invoices, why my card is still acting up for online payments/what I'm meant to do in terms of having a mobile if I'm too financially f-ed to get even a basic cheap contract. I guess pay as you go SIM and old broken down handset it is.
St Peter's Social worker is coming Monday morning to help me. I'll contact the bank again tomorrow to see about getting these funeral invoices paid directly from parents estates, which means facing going into a branch with the documents and my ID etc, so panic inducing, but will have to face it, and will also ask them to help me figure out why my card is still not always working online (it also declined when I tried to purchase the double urn for mum and dad on Etsy on my own account, even though I was able to buy thank you/Birthday gifts for my friend who came for the funeral weekend on there).
*Sigh*. Berating myself for letting all of this pile up in the first place, for being mentally ill, for finding all of this so hard, for being so useless. I can't even sort out getting myself a mobile. How the heck am I going to manage wading through probate/dealing with the house??? But it's either I do it myself, or hire the legal services to do it, and they can't help me wade through all the paperwork or parents belongings in the house anyway.
But right at this moment, it feels like the more mentally ill you are, or the less money you have, the more expensive and difficult everything is made for you. I can't verify online accounts because I no longer have a mobile phone, but can't get a mobile phone because I can't pay online. I don't want to be in benefits. I always worked, and worked hard. It's humiliating, depressing and awful to share the very worst of your illnesses in order to claim benefits, and I understand why they have to be tough, and often decline, and especially when the illnesses are all in my own brain, and I know on an intellectual level that my illnesses are real illnesses, as much as a physical illness is... I can't help comparing myself to my old, much more functional and capable self, feeling awful for having to claim, feeling humiliated and ashamed that I have to, and that every time I try to climb out of these pits, something always knocks me back down again.
But it seems to take relatively little to drag me down again, and send me spiralling into fear, panic, and doubt.
I'm still so grateful for a lot of things, and people, and trying to hold onto that, and remind myself that the rest is basically paperwork and hoop jumping, and getting organised.
Not life and death anymore, that whatever happens, it can be sorted out. Somehow.
After the funeral Monday, I had to call GP surgery because I'd run out of basically all of my meds, had ordered my routine prescriptions including a reliever inhaler last week, but pharmacy didn't have the script yet, so had to chase the surgery for that. They arranged for my wonderful GP to call me later that Tuesday, and he was amazingly reassuring again, got everything sorted and sent through to pharmacy, told me I'm doing incredibly well and to give myself credit, and that he's in my corner, and not to fret about the benefits system applications and stuff (I'm currently on ESA, but reapplying for PIP, and I'm terrified and depressed about having to apply for more benefits help, again, but know that I need to to stand a chance of making it, financially and in terms of getting the support I'd need to stand a chance of rebuilding some kind of life for myself), that they'd contact him for medical evidence, and he has plenty, that I'm entitled to that help because he knows it's genuine mental illness, and that I'm working so so hard to try to fight through it, and rebuild again, after I'd given up on myself a long time ago.
So I'd been feeling more positive. Writing thank you cards for friends and family that came to the service, getting some more of the physical housework and animal care done, but also trying to do some more proper self care, like getting some sleep, making some meals for my brother and I, and my uncle when he was here, then freezing extra portions, so I'd have healthier, home made but still fairly quick and easy meals on hand. Appreciating the signs of Spring, dealing with the calls and emails that came in, and letting myself cry when I needed to.
Spent some more time here engaged in the actual forum, instead of just pm's and this thread, and getting excited again about setting up my other tanks and transferring current fish, and potential "new" (second hand) set ups, using the tanks and decor/substrate I already have. Because I know that having positive things to look forward to and focus on other than the sad and hard stuff is important too. CBT techniques and psychology say so, anyway.
Today I was ready to tackle probate/settling funeral invoices, and a priority, getting myself a mobile phone and SIM set up. I haven't had a mobile in a few years now. Never cared for tech, so always had an ancient phone even when I did used to have one, so I'm not wanting anything expensive or fancy. But most come with free calls and texts plans now, and landline doesn't, but since I've been largely housebound between caring for parents, and my own agoraphobia, I just relied on parents landline, and things like FB messenger on laptop for contact with friends. But you can't function without one nowadays.
I had been going to use an ancient Nokia dumbphone, any potentially a pay as you go SIM. Then my brother decided to instantly blow through his own carer's grant on a new PS5 and second hand but still much newer smartphone, because he loves his tech and toys, and said I should use his old handset, even though the battery life is apparently rubbish now, but still, better than the ancient Nokia option I'd been going with previously.
I have a SIM for giffgaff I was going to try to activate and use with either of those old handsets. But decided to try to get a really basic, but newer, inexpensive contract with phone through Tesco mobile after seeing one of their ads. Got confused by website so called, I'd been looking between a Samsung Galaxy A14, Motorola Moto E13, and a Nokia C32. Didn't know much about or care about which, just whatever was available on a cheaper contract plan, wasn't too complex etc. Guy on the phone suggested Nokia is basically the same phone as the Samsung, but cheaper, and better than the Motorola, so I was like great, okay, lets go with that, low data plan, and about £11.50 per month, 24 month contract.
Nothing fancy, wild or expensive, plenty of money in my account, but payment wasn't successful, so had the embarrassment of explaining that my card had been frozen for online stuff before (although I could use it in stores, and didn't online shop much anyway, so hadn't rushed to fix it), but that I thought it had been sorted with the bank a few weeks ago, so I'm guessing something in my credit history meant it had declined.
Found out the DWP doesn't communicate with different departments, and ESA wasn't yet aware of my change of address from 2020/2021(!!) so panicked and began trying to wade through my own messy and unorganised paperwork, trying to find out the exact date I officially gave up my council flat to move back to parents to help care for them and because having my PIP stopped and ESA cut in half while there had financially crippled me, so I'd avoided opening mail and sunk into avoidant depression, then just focused on caring for parents, planning to opt out of life myself once they no longer needed me, because I felt too broken to ever make a proper recovery.
Couldn't find the date and slipped into a full on panic attack, thinking of what a nightmare this is. That I'd need to contact the bank again to figure out how I could manage to have a mobile again if I can't pass a credit check, or afford a handset, that I'd have to continue using landline just to sort all this out, and also needing to contact mum and dad's banks again to settle the invoices for their funerals, and when I spoke to funeral company this morning, they weren't sure if they could add the invoice from the previous company for the cost of collecting mum to their own invoice anymore, but I'm pretty sure that before, the funeral director said they could, I'd just asked him to hold off while I contested the £25 per day storage free that Thomas Day had snuck onto there and not told me about, despite my specifically asking on the 27th, when they called to refuse to handle mum's funeral since dad's wasn't fully paid off yet, and been icy cold and cruel to me, at such a low point.
Using the landline is running up yet more bills that we won't be able to afford, but have no choice right now. So got my brother to look after Pixie for me while I took some diazepam and waited for it to kick in, called and left a voicemail for the social worker through St Peter's Hospice that have given us the most practical help and encouragement to say I was getting overwhelmed and needed help, again, plus the PIP application form has arrived, and she had said to let her know when it came and she'd help me make sure it was done properly too, as did CAB, who are due to call me next week.
Called DWP ESA to try to sort the change of address, and got that done, but was super scary, especially since they wanted to know dates, of course, and I can't remember dates, and explained I was wading through tons of paperwork trying to find it, that the details will be here somewhere, but I need time and/or help to uncover the right paperwork, and panic was making my brain shut down. Even pre-illness, my memory for dates and things has always been terrible. The bank, the city council, the housing benefit people, most other companies all knew about the change of address, how did I overlook the one benefit I'm still on?? But I also kind of assumed they all drew from the same database, and knew?? But apparently, they don't. So who knows what sensitive info may have been mailed to my old addy...
Got the ESA change of address done anyway, even though I couldn't give precise dates, was on hold for more than 30 minutes just to get through, and haven't contacted the bank yet (again) to sort out the funeral invoices, why my card is still acting up for online payments/what I'm meant to do in terms of having a mobile if I'm too financially f-ed to get even a basic cheap contract. I guess pay as you go SIM and old broken down handset it is.
St Peter's Social worker is coming Monday morning to help me. I'll contact the bank again tomorrow to see about getting these funeral invoices paid directly from parents estates, which means facing going into a branch with the documents and my ID etc, so panic inducing, but will have to face it, and will also ask them to help me figure out why my card is still not always working online (it also declined when I tried to purchase the double urn for mum and dad on Etsy on my own account, even though I was able to buy thank you/Birthday gifts for my friend who came for the funeral weekend on there).
*Sigh*. Berating myself for letting all of this pile up in the first place, for being mentally ill, for finding all of this so hard, for being so useless. I can't even sort out getting myself a mobile. How the heck am I going to manage wading through probate/dealing with the house??? But it's either I do it myself, or hire the legal services to do it, and they can't help me wade through all the paperwork or parents belongings in the house anyway.
But right at this moment, it feels like the more mentally ill you are, or the less money you have, the more expensive and difficult everything is made for you. I can't verify online accounts because I no longer have a mobile phone, but can't get a mobile phone because I can't pay online. I don't want to be in benefits. I always worked, and worked hard. It's humiliating, depressing and awful to share the very worst of your illnesses in order to claim benefits, and I understand why they have to be tough, and often decline, and especially when the illnesses are all in my own brain, and I know on an intellectual level that my illnesses are real illnesses, as much as a physical illness is... I can't help comparing myself to my old, much more functional and capable self, feeling awful for having to claim, feeling humiliated and ashamed that I have to, and that every time I try to climb out of these pits, something always knocks me back down again.
Just a bump in the road. Over a couple of days, you'll get it sorted.
Alice B
Fish Herder
when that used to hit me - and with teenage twins and an addict husband it was often, I would clean fish tanks. I had about 13 at that time. I'd have the twins each yelling in an ear while I siphoned and cleaned gravel. and husband trying to prove his point. I just kept doing my fish.
and somehow that calmed and centered me and then I could just do the next right thing. I lost my keys somewhere in this house this morning, gave up and went to work on the spare set. They will turn up. I'm sure of it. And I'm sure you can be ok, one step at a time.
and somehow that calmed and centered me and then I could just do the next right thing. I lost my keys somewhere in this house this morning, gave up and went to work on the spare set. They will turn up. I'm sure of it. And I'm sure you can be ok, one step at a time.
OP
OP
I'm trying. I will try. Thanks.
But it's gonna take a lot longer than a couple of days to get it sorted.
And right now, I can't breathe for crying
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This may sound a bit off the wall but I'd suggest that you get a favorite bottle of wine and pick a favorite movie to watch... Just kick back and relax as best as you can. The wine relaxes and the movie allows a form of escape from what is going on.I'm trying. I will try. Thanks.
But it's gonna take a lot longer than a couple of days to get it sorted.
OP
OP
Thanks Jay <3 and @Alice B !
It's late, I've taken diazepam so no longer crying at least, and can't mix with alcohol, but that's okay, going to stick with water and curl up with a favourite book, try to get some proper sleep, and hopefully things will look better in the am.
Thank you guys, have a lovely day/evening depending on what part of the world anyone reading this is in, and I'm sure I'll be back sometime tomorrow. Night. xxx
First off, stop beating yourself up. You're not useless and it's not your fault you have a psychological illness. Lots of people have them (including me) and at least you know about yours, accept that you have them, and are being treated for them. It's the people that deny having any issues and refuse help that end up topping themselves. You on the other hand are going through a really bad time in life and are asking for help, and getting it from your doctor and other local services out there. You might think the world is about to explode (you might be right with the Russians and NATO acting like kids) but you will get through this.
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As for government departments not communicating, we have the same thing here. They all apparently have a database but nobody talks to each other and you have to jump through the same hoops with every department you talk to. Even in the same department, they don't talk to each other. We have the Department of Housing (DoH), which is a government department for housing poor people. They have a central database but you apply for a property in a particular suburb or town. The DoH head office in Perth does not have your file on record even though it's meant to be in the central database. In addition to this, if a property becomes available in another suburb or town, you can't get it. You can only get a property in the suburb/ town of your choice. It's ridiculous because there are lots of spare properties in certain towns/ suburbs that I would move to but can't because I am listed for a town down south. I have been waiting for public housing since the year 2000 and am still waiting because of this stupidity in bureaucracy. And the department and government wonder why they get so many abusive emails about lack of housing.
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Re: mobile phones. I got my first mobile phone in September 2021. It was an Optus phone and was a bucket of manure. It turns out that I also lived in an area that was a black spot for Optus users and I spent the first year getting internet download speeds of less than 1MB per second (slower than dial-up internet). There were also constant dropouts and weird noises on the phone. This was confirmed by Optus when I was on the phone to them discussing these issues and we got disconnected. The guy from Optus called me back a few minutes later and said wtf was that noise. I said it's the same crap I have been dealing with for the last year. Eventually they told me I lived in a black spot area and would never get a good signal and they offered to cancel the remaining contract (there wasn't one because it was prepaid) and they would give me a code to unlock the phone, which I did.
I then tried a bunch of other phone companies and had the same issue with all of them. It turns out most of the prepaid sim cards sold at the stores around here are on the Optus network. I eventually found a company on the Telstra network and the phone and sim card didn't work. I spent the next few months jumping through hoops with Optus and the all the other phone companies (including the new one I couldn't use). Everyone said it was Optus and take it up with them. Optus said it's got nothing to do with them and to take it up with the new phone company. One day I rang Optus in the morning and spent 13 hours on the phone to them being passed from person to person to person and getting asked the same questions. I was asking to talk to the manager but nobody was available to talk to me. It went on all day and eventually I got put through to a guy in Canada who helped. After a few days dealing with this guy in Canada, who apparently lived miles from the nearest town, we contacted the phone manufacturer.
I called the phone manufacturer and listened to an answering service with an Australian male voice. After pressing a few buttons on the phone I spoke to a guy in India and the first thing he said was the phone cannot be used on any other network and only works on the Optus network. He said Optus should have told me that when they gave me the unlock code. Problem solved. I thanked him for his help. Later that day the guy from Canada called and he said he called the manufacturer and we both said the phone can only be used on the Optus network, then laughed. I told him I called the company earlier that day and got the same response.
I looked online, not an easy thing to do when it takes 5 minutes for a google search page to load up. Found a place that sells mobile phones that can be used on any network and went in to buy one. This was during an outbreak of the pandemic here so I was a bit terrified about catching a virus. When I went to pay for the phone my bank card didn't work. I had money in the account and it worked at the petrol station where I filled the car before going to the store, but it didn't work at the store. We tried different things but nothing worked. I asked them to hold the phone, they said they could for a week but no longer because it was the last one in stock and it was on special. I went home and called the bank and they sent out a new card but when I got the new card two weeks later, the phone had been sold. I bought the next model up (Samsung Galaxy A23 5G mobile), which cost a lot more than I would have liked to spend. Brought the phone home, charged it up, put the sim card in and it worked.
I didn't have a landline because they cost $40 a month (not including calls) just to have one here and I don't get many phone calls (1 every few months for a rent inspection). I refuse to pay a company to hire a telephone that is only going to gather dust. I also didn't have the NBN (national internet) here because the property developers and strata company didn't bother to tell the NBN company they had built these units three years beforehand. None of the other tenants had the internet either, we all used our mobile phones and most of the tenants had Optus phones and no or really bad internet and phone signals.
I had been bugging the real estate agent about the lack of internet because she said it would be connected before I moved in. She told the same story to all the tenants, including my neighbour who had been here for 2 years before I moved here. I wrote to the federal government about this and they investigated the matter and they told me the developers and strata company didn't inform the NBN Co. they had built the units. A month later and the NBN company was out here doing work. We finally got NBN here a couple of months ago but I don't use it because I can't afford the $100 a month fee for internet.
I use my new mobile phone for phone calls and internet and I get double the internet speed that I would get from the NBN. The NBN has a maximum speed of 100MB a second and you pay for that. You pay about $40 a month for 25MB a second, $60 a month for 50MB and goes up to about $100 a month for 100MB speeds. These speeds are the maximum you get and the max speed is usually during off peak times (10pm to 7am). The rest of the time you get slower speeds. My phone sits on about 110MB a second during peak times and my computer stops it being able to go faster (the pc can't deal with it). I have done speed tests and this thing red lines the internet speed test and hits over 200MB a second before slowing back down to 125MB a second. It is seriously quick and I only pay $50 a month for the internet, which includes all the phone calls I want to make anywhere in the country.
I don't know if you have 5G networks over there, I assume you do, but they are quick. The Samsung phone was expensive ($500 AU) but it works and I have had no issues at all with it during the last 10 months I have owned it. If you can find a secondhand one or the next model down (Samsung Galaxy A13 5G mobile) you should be able to use it for phone and internet and it will be cheaper than a landline, especially if you make a lot of calls, and it sounds like you do currently.
A lot of companies do sell secondhand mobile phones and they are cleaned and checked and might be an option for you to upgrade.
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As for government departments not communicating, we have the same thing here. They all apparently have a database but nobody talks to each other and you have to jump through the same hoops with every department you talk to. Even in the same department, they don't talk to each other. We have the Department of Housing (DoH), which is a government department for housing poor people. They have a central database but you apply for a property in a particular suburb or town. The DoH head office in Perth does not have your file on record even though it's meant to be in the central database. In addition to this, if a property becomes available in another suburb or town, you can't get it. You can only get a property in the suburb/ town of your choice. It's ridiculous because there are lots of spare properties in certain towns/ suburbs that I would move to but can't because I am listed for a town down south. I have been waiting for public housing since the year 2000 and am still waiting because of this stupidity in bureaucracy. And the department and government wonder why they get so many abusive emails about lack of housing.
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Re: mobile phones. I got my first mobile phone in September 2021. It was an Optus phone and was a bucket of manure. It turns out that I also lived in an area that was a black spot for Optus users and I spent the first year getting internet download speeds of less than 1MB per second (slower than dial-up internet). There were also constant dropouts and weird noises on the phone. This was confirmed by Optus when I was on the phone to them discussing these issues and we got disconnected. The guy from Optus called me back a few minutes later and said wtf was that noise. I said it's the same crap I have been dealing with for the last year. Eventually they told me I lived in a black spot area and would never get a good signal and they offered to cancel the remaining contract (there wasn't one because it was prepaid) and they would give me a code to unlock the phone, which I did.
I then tried a bunch of other phone companies and had the same issue with all of them. It turns out most of the prepaid sim cards sold at the stores around here are on the Optus network. I eventually found a company on the Telstra network and the phone and sim card didn't work. I spent the next few months jumping through hoops with Optus and the all the other phone companies (including the new one I couldn't use). Everyone said it was Optus and take it up with them. Optus said it's got nothing to do with them and to take it up with the new phone company. One day I rang Optus in the morning and spent 13 hours on the phone to them being passed from person to person to person and getting asked the same questions. I was asking to talk to the manager but nobody was available to talk to me. It went on all day and eventually I got put through to a guy in Canada who helped. After a few days dealing with this guy in Canada, who apparently lived miles from the nearest town, we contacted the phone manufacturer.
I called the phone manufacturer and listened to an answering service with an Australian male voice. After pressing a few buttons on the phone I spoke to a guy in India and the first thing he said was the phone cannot be used on any other network and only works on the Optus network. He said Optus should have told me that when they gave me the unlock code. Problem solved. I thanked him for his help. Later that day the guy from Canada called and he said he called the manufacturer and we both said the phone can only be used on the Optus network, then laughed. I told him I called the company earlier that day and got the same response.
I looked online, not an easy thing to do when it takes 5 minutes for a google search page to load up. Found a place that sells mobile phones that can be used on any network and went in to buy one. This was during an outbreak of the pandemic here so I was a bit terrified about catching a virus. When I went to pay for the phone my bank card didn't work. I had money in the account and it worked at the petrol station where I filled the car before going to the store, but it didn't work at the store. We tried different things but nothing worked. I asked them to hold the phone, they said they could for a week but no longer because it was the last one in stock and it was on special. I went home and called the bank and they sent out a new card but when I got the new card two weeks later, the phone had been sold. I bought the next model up (Samsung Galaxy A23 5G mobile), which cost a lot more than I would have liked to spend. Brought the phone home, charged it up, put the sim card in and it worked.
I didn't have a landline because they cost $40 a month (not including calls) just to have one here and I don't get many phone calls (1 every few months for a rent inspection). I refuse to pay a company to hire a telephone that is only going to gather dust. I also didn't have the NBN (national internet) here because the property developers and strata company didn't bother to tell the NBN company they had built these units three years beforehand. None of the other tenants had the internet either, we all used our mobile phones and most of the tenants had Optus phones and no or really bad internet and phone signals.
I had been bugging the real estate agent about the lack of internet because she said it would be connected before I moved in. She told the same story to all the tenants, including my neighbour who had been here for 2 years before I moved here. I wrote to the federal government about this and they investigated the matter and they told me the developers and strata company didn't inform the NBN Co. they had built the units. A month later and the NBN company was out here doing work. We finally got NBN here a couple of months ago but I don't use it because I can't afford the $100 a month fee for internet.
I use my new mobile phone for phone calls and internet and I get double the internet speed that I would get from the NBN. The NBN has a maximum speed of 100MB a second and you pay for that. You pay about $40 a month for 25MB a second, $60 a month for 50MB and goes up to about $100 a month for 100MB speeds. These speeds are the maximum you get and the max speed is usually during off peak times (10pm to 7am). The rest of the time you get slower speeds. My phone sits on about 110MB a second during peak times and my computer stops it being able to go faster (the pc can't deal with it). I have done speed tests and this thing red lines the internet speed test and hits over 200MB a second before slowing back down to 125MB a second. It is seriously quick and I only pay $50 a month for the internet, which includes all the phone calls I want to make anywhere in the country.
I don't know if you have 5G networks over there, I assume you do, but they are quick. The Samsung phone was expensive ($500 AU) but it works and I have had no issues at all with it during the last 10 months I have owned it. If you can find a secondhand one or the next model down (Samsung Galaxy A13 5G mobile) you should be able to use it for phone and internet and it will be cheaper than a landline, especially if you make a lot of calls, and it sounds like you do currently.
A lot of companies do sell secondhand mobile phones and they are cleaned and checked and might be an option for you to upgrade.
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Thank you! I do beat myself up a lot, it's true. It's weird, because I'd never be so harsh on or horrible to another person. I know that mental illnesses are just as real as any other, that I've always worked on mine, and before, I was still able to remain functional enough to work, life alone, study, & have a social life, even with dealing with bouts of depression and/or anxiety.
Like a lot of people, I went into studying psychology because I wanted to understand my own issues, gained a lot of benefit from talk therapy, counselling and Al-anon. Wanted to understand my own issues and worked hard on them, and wanted to help others do the same. But then things happened, trauma piled onto trauma, until I couldn't hold it together anymore, and working in therapy for a year after all of those traumas didn't help. But finally getting the council flat that I loved and space of my own to begin recovering from those traumas somewhere I felt safe was good. I was looking after myself better, bills paid, flat always clean and I was decorating and taming the garden, bit by bit.
Then with the cuts to my benefits putting me in a financial nightmare again, and not feeling strong enough to fight the system alone, that's when I gave up and just resigned myself to being stuck while my folks were here, because I'd never want to hurt them like that and I knew how fiercely they loved me and would be devastated, but gave up on trying to find another future for myself. Had to give up the flat, even though I loved it, because I couldn't afford the bills anymore after that and it was the other side of the city from my folks, and agoraphobia was creeping back, so two buses to go to and from to visit them, then also doing whatever I could to try to help shield them from covid made it so impractical, and it was clear that mum and dad needed a lot more day to day help than visits could provide, so I gave up the flat and moved back into their spare downstairs junk room with a single bed that I'd used for visits. Dad broke his hip Halloween 2021, so glad I was here to help when that happened, and then you guys know the rest.
Then I promised dad on his deathbed that I'd look after mum, and that I'd get better. He wanted me to be okay and be happy, it was all he wanted for me. I looked after mum, and I've been working on my stuff too, so that I could care for mum, and to try to fulfil my second promise to dad. And I have felt more hopeful at times.
I've shared all of that with my doc, and that now the time was approaching (when mum was diagnosed as terminal and not much time left), working with a really good doctor and I'm on waiting lists for more therapy, I know I don't want to opt out. I want to recover as much as possible, find some niche for myself where I can have a life and be content, even if the future isn't the one I'd originally wanted or planned. I don't have a desire to opt out. But sometimes you feel so trapped and broken, that you feel hopeless. And I did. For a long time.
Your strength and resilience always impresses and amazes me!
Same with a lot of other people. I admire it in others, but can't give myself any credit for my own, because I'm so hard on myself, and always look for ways to blame myself for not being perfect, for not being able to manage everything alone, and feeling like I have to constantly fight my own brain. More stuff to deal with in therapy! People like my doc, my best friend, the St Peter's nurses and now Social Workers keep telling me that I'm doing really well under the circumstances. But I still have a hard time accepting that they're not just being kind to the crazy woman, lol.
I did manage to go to sleep soon after this, and think I slept through til 6am, which is pretty good, haven't had an unbroken sleep like that in a long while. Usually up at least once during the night. And yes, things do look clearer this morning!
Because utility bills from my flat were the last bills in my name, and I still owe some money on those, student loans from when I tried to go back to uni too soon after getting out of hospital, plus an outstanding amount of housing benefit overpayment I couldn't afford either, I wound up reaching a point where I just stopped opening mail. Demand letters for money I just didn't have, too little income to cover the basics, let alone anything else, plus giving up on life for myself meant I got quite phobic about it, so of course my credit is bad now. There's money in my account, and I don't spend wildly or anything, but while at parents house, I just paid a portion of my benefits into my dad's account every month as my contribution towards expenses, no bills in my name, and I haven't dealt with all the people I now owe money to. I did before, explained benefits situation and little income, paid off a couple of bills tiny amount at a time, but once things start bouncing and racking up charges, it doesn't take long to get into a mess again, and I've avoided it until now. Of course they turned me down for a phone contract.
So new plan. Try to get a pay as you go SIM only plan that includes unlimited calls and texts, using my brother's old phone. That'll be today's main aim, to get that up and working, and then I can use that phone to begin getting my own financial mess, and the probate mess, sorted.
Only other essentials today are to go on a walk with the Pixie pup (who gives me another reason to keep going!)
Post some of those thank you cards through neighbours doors on the way home, and do more cleaning and organising.
If the phone thing is do-able, and I can face it this afternoon, I'll contact the banks about getting them the funeral invoices. If not, then I'll spend the weekend trying to do some self care relaxation like taking a long hot bath, walks with the puppers and talking with friends for moral support, and gathering paperwork together ready to tackle it on Monday with that St Peter's Social worker's help. She's coming 10am Monday.
Phone - look at Asda mobile. I have a basic phone and I pay £4 a month for unlimited calls and unlimited texts. And the sim is free if you order it on-line. If you want mobile data, it starts at £5/month for a small amount of data and the price goes up the more data you want. You have the choice of topping up every month or committing to a rolling automatic top up. Asda uses Vodafone if their coverage is OK where you live. My son pays £5 a month on Smarty (which uses Three; Vodafone had a poor signal strength in his flat) but all their tariffs include data.
I bought my phone on eBay. I don't need a smart phone, just one which makes calls and sends texts. I got one designed for the elderly, a Doro phone.
Make sure you get one which uses G4/G5 and/or G2 as G3 is being switched off within the next year or so. They want to switch off G2 but they can't yet as that's what smart elec/gas meters use.
I bought my phone on eBay. I don't need a smart phone, just one which makes calls and sends texts. I got one designed for the elderly, a Doro phone.
Make sure you get one which uses G4/G5 and/or G2 as G3 is being switched off within the next year or so. They want to switch off G2 but they can't yet as that's what smart elec/gas meters use.
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The non-data tariff is called Talk and Text, it's under monthly bundles in Sim Plans in the menu bar.
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Well, I have a functioning mobile now at least. The old phone my brother was using, and a month to month SIM deal that includes unlimited calls and texts for £6pm.
Haven't figured out how to work the mobile itself yet, and can't remember the name since it's not a brand name phone I recognise, but I don't care at all about brand names or tech, as long as it works! It's charging now, will get my brother to show me how to turn the thing on and basic 'how to' later.
Step by step! Even if each step turns out to be a trip hazard and nothing but hassle to resolve, at least a couple of things have finally been ticked off my list, and it should make other stuff easier, now that I'll be able to have and use a mobile again.
Haven't figured out how to work the mobile itself yet, and can't remember the name since it's not a brand name phone I recognise, but I don't care at all about brand names or tech, as long as it works! It's charging now, will get my brother to show me how to turn the thing on and basic 'how to' later.
Step by step! Even if each step turns out to be a trip hazard and nothing but hassle to resolve, at least a couple of things have finally been ticked off my list, and it should make other stuff easier, now that I'll be able to have and use a mobile again.
OP
OP
Oh, the phone is a HUAWEI P20 Pro, not that I'll remember that or have any idea how to pronounce it! 
If any forum friends - especially those in the UK so we can do free texts and calls - would like my number, just pm me. Also thinking of installing whatsapp, FB messenger, or some other platform for free mobile chatting with online international friends, but not sure about what to set up yet, and there's no rush.
Today I'm pottering around, doing some everyday household chores and gradually getting paperwork and stuff organised ready to tackle with the St Peter's Social worker tomorrow, and CAB next week too. Massive slog of a process, all of it, and it does trigger my anxiety/spiralling depressive thoughts at times, but I'm just trying to only deal with the paperwork in short bursts, give myself credit for the things I have managed to do, and breathe and rest in between. Or distract and cheer myself up with some social contact, even if only online, like now!
If any forum friends - especially those in the UK so we can do free texts and calls - would like my number, just pm me.
Also thinking of installing whatsapp, FB messenger, or some other platform for free mobile chatting with online international friends, but not sure about what to set up yet, and there's no rush. Today I'm pottering around, doing some everyday household chores and gradually getting paperwork and stuff organised ready to tackle with the St Peter's Social worker tomorrow, and CAB next week too. Massive slog of a process, all of it, and it does trigger my anxiety/spiralling depressive thoughts at times, but I'm just trying to only deal with the paperwork in short bursts, give myself credit for the things I have managed to do, and breathe and rest in between. Or distract and cheer myself up with some social contact, even if only online, like now!
That brand of phone is easy to remember if you have seen the movie Hotel Transylvania. Dracula's daughter Mavis, calls Hawaii Ha wi wi. That's how I remember that phone Hu are we we. They are a much better brand than the Optus phone I had and their customer services is better too, even if you aren't with them. I was trying to find out the brand of phone I had (it's sold as an Optus phone but isn't actually an Optus phone). And I was going through different phone manufacturers trying to find out what I had. I called the Huawei company and spoke to them. We had a good laugh about the problem but they couldn't help me with identifying my phone.Oh, the phone is a HUAWEI P20 Pro, not that I'll remember that or have any idea how to pronounce it!
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