Hullo, sorry for vanishing again, I just needed a break. Missed many of you though <3

[TwoTankAmin]

Condolences. You have my sympathies as I had to go through this with both of my parents. My dad died of chronic renal failure, it took two years of steady deterioation. There was no pain for him but a lot of problems for the rest of us. Mom went from dementia and that was a tough decade+.

That you are having to do most of the arranging of everything is almost a blessing as it helps keep one occupied with all the fomalities and arrangements which helps take one's mind of the loss. I was the executor for e estate of both parents. Keeping busy doing it helped keep my mind from turning in on itself.

Over time this will become much less painful and the memories will tend to be the best ones. Stay strong.

 

[Essjay]

@AdoraBelle Dearheart
When you are ready to sort his estate, message me.

 

[AdoraBelle Dearheart]

I've been trying to think of the three funeral songs, so have been playing a lot of country and western, since dad liked it, and I was reared listening to 50s/60s/70s country. Found a few possiblities. He really liked Glen Campbell, Johnny Cash of course, Willy Nelson, Dolly Parton etc.

Johnny Cash's cover of Hurt immediately sprang to mind, but not only will it break me, but it talks a lot about drinking, and given dad's alcohol problems, I don't want to highlight that during the service, so that's out.
He was a big fan of The Carpenters too, but I don't know their music well at all, so would have to listen to a lot of their stuff to try to find something suitable.

If anyone knows their stuff better and has suggestions that might work for a funeral, I'd really appreciate the pointers! Or country suggestions, older country rather newer stuff. Doesn't just have to be country either, any other suggestions more than appreciated. Listening to so many mourning songs is really emotional, so narrowing down the list a little would help.

I've run across several father/daughter ones that break my heart and would work, but that's too centred on me. Want something that everyone can relate to as we gather to say our final goodbyes.

 

[Deleted member 149562]

This is my choice when I go (already planned/paid for my ending since no family or anyone else to deal with it)

The lyrics are pretty spot on.

One of the more touching Carpenters tracks....Close To You

 

[AdoraBelle Dearheart]

This is my choice when I go (already planned/paid for my ending since no family or anyone else to deal with it)

The lyrics are pretty spot on.

One of the more touching Carpenters tracks....Close To You

Ah, that's one of the few Carpenters tracks I do know well! It's beautiful, but quite an upbeat love song... The funeral director did say that it's good to make the final exit piece of music, what they play while everyone leaves at the end of the service, is nice to have it be a be a bit more upbeat, the middle one where everyone is seated to be a bit more reflective, and the first piece while everyone is gathering and being seated she didn't give any suggestions for.

One piece I'd really like to include is Pentatonix version of Hallelujah. Even as an atheist, this raises the hair all overmy body. If anyone hasn't heard this version, I urge you to listen to it, it's uncannily beautiful.

 

[AdoraBelle Dearheart]

Pentatonix have a few songs that could work, in fact. I want Hallelujah because I was so blown away with it, and made dad listen to it with headphones on, and he loved it too.
But they also covered Amazing Grace, which is a popular song for funerals.

Which might work for the last exit piece, although I probably shouldn't have 2 of 3 being the same artists.
For the middle reflective piece, I quite like this John Denver song. He was a John Denver fan, John had a beautiful voice, and this one makes me cry.

How about the Carpenters, Won't Last a day without you? Too much?

 

[Deleted member 149562]

Pentatonix have a few songs that could work, in fact. I want Hallelujah because I was so blown away with it, and made dad listen to it with headphones on, and he loved it too.
But they also covered Amazing Grace, which is a popular song for funerals.

Which might work for the last exit piece, although I probably shouldn't have 2 of 3 being the same artists.
For the middle reflective piece, I quite like this John Denver song. He was a John Denver fan, John had a beautiful voice, and this one makes me cry.

How about the Carpenters, Won't Last a day without you? Too much?

The lyrics to Won't Live A Day Without You are really lovely tbh....might be a tad too much for some of the congregation though but at the end of the day you have to go by your own heart in this. What touches you the deepest, what reminds you of your Father and what you know he would have appreciated.

The rest of the congregation can raise eyebrows etc at the choices but they need to remember that everything done is from YOUR heart and accept that. A funeral is what you feel, what you remember of that person now gone and the awesome/sad/silly memories that when you are doing something in, for example, the kitchen something on the radio or something said on TV suddenly brings a wry smile and sparks a memory from when your Father was here and how he would have reacted to it.

All choices when saying goodbye to a loved one come from your own heart and memory of that person. They might not click with everyone else but to you they are a part of what that person was and who they were to you. That is all that matters.

 

[WhistlingBadger]

How about this one. More folk than country, I guess, but the words are excellent.

 

[Back in the fold]

When my Dad passed his wish was no funeral. We honored that but it was a mistake. Funerals aren’t for the dead , they’re for who is left. It’s a chance to see who shows up , who really cared and I got gypped out of that. Have the funeral that YOU want. It’s his send off and you deserve the best. This is more for you and the rest of your family than anyone else.

 

[AdoraBelle Dearheart]

All I want to do is sleep. When I'm sleeping, it doesn't feel real, I can forget that he's gone.

I don't want to be in charge and call alll these companies and banks and file paperwork and go buy a suitable outfit to wear to a funeral for my daddy...

I don't want to keep hearing sad songs in my head. I just want to stay in bed and sleep.

 

[Deleted member 149562]

All I want to do is sleep. When I'm sleeping, it doesn't feel real, I can forget that he's gone.

I don't want to be in charge and call alll these companies and banks and file paperwork and go buy a suitable outfit to wear to a funeral for my daddy...

I don't want to keep hearing sad songs in my head. I just want to stay in bed and sleep.

Have you not got a family solicitor...perhaps the one who wrote up the will or another member of that firm....who can deal with the administrative side of things. It is what they are paid to do, in the same way a funeral director is being paid to deal with potential congregational issues, flowers and other details.

Delegate the tasks to those who are paid to help you matey....even if not a delegational type of person, you MUST otherwise it will do your head in...... (been there, done that and faced the consequences)

 

[JuiceBox52]

All I want to do is sleep. When I'm sleeping, it doesn't feel real, I can forget that he's gone.

I don't want to be in charge and call alll these companies and banks and file paperwork and go buy a suitable outfit to wear to a funeral for my daddy...

I don't want to keep hearing sad songs in my head. I just want to stay in bed and sleep.

I wish I could give you a hug (in a not weird way) I’m so sorry. I understand that feeling

 

[AdoraBelle Dearheart]

Have you not got a family solicitor...perhaps the one who wrote up the will or another member of that firm....who can deal with the administrative side of things. It is what they are paid to do, in the same way a funeral director is being paid to deal with potential congregational issues, flowers and other details.

Delegate the tasks to those who are paid to help you matey....even if not a delegational type of person, you MUST otherwise it will do your head in...... (been there, done that and faced the consequences)

No family solicitor, he didn't leave a will, so he was interstate or whatever they call it when he passed away. I've been hunting for paperwork about the house deed/morgage etc that mum filed away years ago, but she can't remember what is where, or if there's even anything left to pay on the morgage. So it's a lot. Maybe I need to call a lawyer, but with the funeral costs already, I dread to think what a retainer for a lawyer would be.

 

[Deleted member 149562]

No family solicitor, he didn't leave a will, so he was interstate or whatever they call it when he passed away. I've been hunting for paperwork about the house deed/morgage etc that mum filed away years ago, but she can't remember what is where, or if there's even anything left to pay on the morgage. So it's a lot. Maybe I need to call a lawyer, but with the funeral costs already, I dread to think what a retainer for a lawyer would be.

Initial advice from a solicitor is free.

You can either make an appointment to go see one who deals with probate (which is the department you require) or speak to one over the phone. However I strongly recommend that you have a sit down, face to face appointment with a probate solicitor, discuss what is happening......he will advise you on the best way forward and if asked will give you the standard fixed cost for him to carry out all probate work (including making absolutely sure no will - you would be amazed how many think there is no will but then when going through personal belongings, they find one tucked away "somewhere safe")

Find a really good probate solicitor, then take it from there.

 

[Deleted member 149562]

As something to really consider for you and your Mother......given the amount of chaos you are dealing with now. Get your wills done and get yourselves on funeral installment plans. It really does deal with a heck of alot of the aggravation and frustration later on.

If you use the same probate solicitor for your mother and your own wills, that will also help bring the costs down dealing with your Father too.

Edited to add....in the UK you do not pay to "retain" a solicitor. They bill you as/when you use them only. As a client you are held on their client database and you can use them as much or as little as you require through life. When the solicitor leaves or dies, your files will be handed to whoever takes over from them. There is no retaining fee involved whatsoever. Use them once, pay them once...and keep going back when needed for anything.

Check this too....you might be eligible...or your mother could be

Get help with funeral costs (Funeral Expenses Payment)

Funeral Expenses Payment (also called Funeral Payment) to help pay funeral costs if you get certain benefits - eligibility, how to claim, form SF200

www.gov.uk