Hullo, sorry for vanishing again, I just needed a break. Missed many of you though <3

[Deleted member 149562]

Your Mother might qualify for this too....

Bereavement Support Payment

Bereavement Support Payment is money you can get if your partner dies - how it works, eligibility, what you'll get, how to claim.

www.gov.uk

Never be afraid to apply for these things matey, they are there to help and can only say one of two things...yay or nay

And thesedays, every little bit helps

 

[Deleted member 149562]

Apologies for all the links but I just want to try and ease things for you if I can

The list here gives you several organisations that can maybe help with funeral costs...over and above what the UK Government is able to do

10 Charity Funds That Help The Bereaved

Benevolent societies can provide financial support, and sometimes help with funeral costs, when a bereavement leads to difficulties

www.funeralguide.co.uk

Edited to add....again delegation...go see Citizens Advice Bureau and they will actually do the form filling on your behalf and advise how to go about everything in regard to choosing a probate solicitor to all the arrangements

There is alot of emotional and financial help out there kiddo....you don't have to take on everything on your own (I discovered this when my sister took her own and her two children's lives and her hubby couldn't handle it, so I did what you are doing now.......it's bloody hard work but you honestly do not have to do it all on your own)

 

[Wills]

No family solicitor, he didn't leave a will, so he was interstate or whatever they call it when he passed away. I've been hunting for paperwork about the house deed/morgage etc that mum filed away years ago, but she can't remember what is where, or if there's even anything left to pay on the morgage. So it's a lot. Maybe I need to call a lawyer, but with the funeral costs already, I dread to think what a retainer for a lawyer would be.

You might already know but because they married without a will everything will automatically go to your mum. Even without paperwork as long as your mum knows which bank the mortgage might be with you should be able to give them details like name, address etc and be able to give you either a new copy of the documents or tell you where things stand.

Would Citizens Advice be able to help with anything?

Wills

 

[Wills]

10 Charity Funds That Help The Bereaved

Benevolent societies can provide financial support, and sometimes help with funeral costs, when a bereavement leads to difficulties

www.funeralguide.co.uk

These posts are great I just had a look for something similar to this link and couldnt find it - definitely think its good to look through.

 

[Essjay]

because they married without a will everything will automatically go to your mum.

Only certain things they held in joint names. Otherwise, for someone who dies intestate (from the government website)



This is why you really do need a solicitor.

 

[AdoraBelle Dearheart]

Thank you so much everyone, I can't tell you how much I appreciate all this. Both the sympathy and the practical advice!

I took yesterday off from planning, and just listened to sad music, cried and slept really. But have had a much more productive day today organising things, which is why I haven't responded to every post and pm yet. Please forgive me for that, I know that you all understand though. I'm plugging away at it and will keep going one day at a time.

Mum made a couple of music suggestions, and one of them was Bridge Over Troubled Waters, Simon and Garfunkel, which I'd also been listening to and put on my shortlist, so we're going to be going with that and Pentatonix version of Halleleujah. Just one more song to select.

 

[Deleted member 149562]

If stuck for an Eulogy or just something calming to say during the service of remembrance, there is a beautiful poem written by Mary Elizabeth Fry that is frequently used and is much loved for its uplifting words

And if having trouble putting words to paper when trying to convey your thoughts and memories as an Eulogy, this might help you....

56 Eulogy Examples | Ever Loved

Eulogies are pieces of writing or funeral speeches that are typically shared at a funeral or gathering for someone who has passed away. The speeches often contain a description of the person who passed away, the kind of person they were and personal memories …

everloved.com

Having made several piles of screwed up paper whilst writing Eulogies for several people over the years and getting all that you want to say, then finding you forgot something and starting again, the link above may or may not be helpful. You must always remember that you are a mere human being and you'll never remember every little detail so please don't beat yourself up over forgetting this or that detail after the service is over. Relax and let the words come to you, try not to go searching for things as that only winds you up all the more.

 

[AdoraBelle Dearheart]

Thank you again to everyone for being so supportive and the helpful advice, and supportive pm's! I know it's easy to think it's just online, but I can't tell you how helpful and comforting it's been to me. Especially since I've been talking with some of you since I joined the forums, and even if it's just a username and reading posts, you still get to know people over that time, and you've become friends.

Today was just trying to keep things together and keep going, and have been relatively productive. Only cried a little, but today it's more a dull heavy inner pain right now, you know? A bit numb, but that's at least allowed me to get more stuff organised, deal with phone calls and make a proper meal for us all (gammon with home-made potato wedges, peas and broccoli) and eat a proper meal myself. Haven't been eating well myself since I had no appetite, but still needed to cook for mum and bro. I'm the only cook, although the kitchen was dad's territory, so it's hard. He liked to cook for people and would shoo you out of the kitchen!

The minister is coming tomorrow, so that'll be another part of the planning sorted. I need to go shopping soon for an appropriate funeral outfit soon-ish, but I guess that's not so urgent. Need to launder dad's outfit too. He was dignified in his dressing, and would want to be dressed smartly.

It's still bloody hard. Surreal, and I don't know whether it's sunk in yet.

 

[Rocky998]

Thank you again to everyone for being so supportive and the helpful advice, and supportive pm's! I know it's easy to think it's just online, but I can't tell you how helpful and comforting it's been to me. Especially since I've been talking with some of you since I joined the forums, and even if it's just a username and reading posts, you still get to know people over that time, and you've become friends.

Today was just trying to keep things together and keep going, and have been relatively productive. Only cried a little, but today it's more a dull heavy inner pain right now, you know? A bit numb, but that's at least allowed me to get more stuff organised, deal with phone calls and make a proper meal for us all (gammon with home-made potato wedges, peas and broccoli) and eat a proper meal myself. Haven't been eating well myself since I had no appetite, but still needed to cook for mum and bro. I'm the only cook, although the kitchen was dad's territory, so it's hard. He liked to cook for people and would shoo you out of the kitchen!

The minister is coming tomorrow, so that'll be another part of the planning sorted. I need to go shopping soon for an appropriate funeral outfit soon-ish, but I guess that's not so urgent. Need to launder dad's outfit too. He was dignified in his dressing, and would want to be dressed smartly.

It's still bloody hard. Surreal, and I don't know whether it's sunk in yet.

Stay strong Belle. You're doing good and we can see that.
I know it is an emotional time for your family but I hope the memories of your father comfort you more than pain you. He sounds like he was a very good man and you looked up to him.

 

[AdoraBelle Dearheart]

Stay strong Belle. You're doing good and we can see that.
I know it is an emotional time for your family but I hope the memories of your father comfort you more than pain you. He sounds like he was a very good man and you looked up to him.

I don't feel strong!

He was a very good man, he was my hero. Today I'm telling myself that he gave me so much love over my lifetime, and that's still here. It's a comforting thought for sure.

It's more like compartmentalising right now. Today I was able to shut the pain and grief into an internal box and just work around it and focus on the practical tasks I have to do. Whatever you gotta do to get through. I'm not half as strong as dad was, but he'd want me to be strong and take care of the rest of my family, so I'm at least glad that I was able to do that today. I'm sure it's a day by day thing.

 

[ClownLurch]

Sorry for your loss. Thoughts are with you at this time.

 

[AdoraBelle Dearheart]

Meeting with the Methodist minister today to plan the service. Bit nervous about that, as an atheist but who still wants a semi-religious service for dad's sake. I don't want to accidentally offend her or anything. It still feels so surreal that I'm actually planning my dad's funeral. Numb, but I still feel very wrong, like the world has tilted on it's axis and I'm off balance and in a fever dream or something.

Keeping myself occupied by cleaning and tidying in preparation since she's coming to the house. Mum breaking down into sobs a few times today, and I've had to fight back tears, but also feel weird about the times I haven't cried... like my brain is trying to protect me from falling apart.

 

[GaryE]

Meeting with the Methodist minister today to plan the service. Bit nervous about that, as an atheist but who still wants a semi-religious service for dad's sake. I don't want to accidentally offend her or anything. It still feels so surreal that I'm actually planning my dad's funeral. Numb, but I still feel very wrong, like the world has tilted on it's axis and I'm off balance and in a fever dream or something.

Keeping myself occupied by cleaning and tidying in preparation since she's coming to the house. Mum breaking down into sobs a few times today, and I've had to fight back tears, but also feel weird about the times I haven't cried... like my brain is trying to protect me from falling apart.

The brain does things to protect itself. It's a good thing.

 

[AdoraBelle Dearheart]

I was expecting that to be emotionally hard, but it was even harder than I'd expected. Talking about his life and his character, trying to explain who he was to a stranger... feeling very raw, going to nap I think.

 

[WhistlingBadger]

Ministers are used to dealing with all sorts of people. I'm sure this is doubly true in a country as secularized as England. So don't worry about that. Remember that emotions are just emotions. Feel them, acknowledge them, let them go when they decide to go. It's OK to cry and it's OK not to cry. It's all part of the journey.

Naps are part of the journey too. Naps are good.