Tell me something funny

[Ellie11]

 

[gwand]

What kept Noah from fishing while living on the ark?
He only had two worms

 

[jaylach]

While I think it's funny if I didn't live in an apartment and had a lawn to mow... This thing is actually real, I scanned a photo.

 

[Sir Guppy]

Watching a Ramshorn Snail float around the top of the tank, then putting a peice of flake food on top of it and watching it fall. After it falls and lands on the substrate the shrimp steal a few pieces. Soon the guppies find the poor snail and bounce it back around the tank trying to eat the food that the Ramshorn is stuck to.

 

[Back in the fold]

Watching a Ramshorn Snail float around the top of the tank, then putting a peice of flake food on top of it and watching it fall. After it falls and lands on the substrate the shrimp steal a few pieces. Soon the guppies find the poor snail and bounce it back around the tank trying to eat the food that the Ramshorn is stuck to.

I recently read that Ramshorn snails have a lung and that’s why they float . I wonder if that’s true . Also , is it Rams horn or Ram shorn ?

 

[Sir Guppy]

Rams horn or Ram shorn

I have no idea!

 

[jaylach]

I have no idea!

I have no idea as to Ram horn or ram shorn but since entering 'ram horn snail' in a search brings up the following result my guess would be that it is ramshorn.

 

[WhistlingBadger]

Reminds me of the time we were learning the Star Spangled Banner. I asked if anybody knew what the word "ramparts" meant. One of my boys raised his hand and said, "It's what you get when you butcher a sheep."

Ranch kids.

 

[Herpin Man]

My wife finally admitted to me that if we ever won the lottery, she would take her half, and leave.
”In that case,” I said, “I won twelve bucks on a scratch-off last week. Here’s your half.”
”I’m gonna miss you.”

 

[TwoTankAmin]

As the holiday season progresses I would just like to remind everyone of the following. Under international law, agreed to by most countries in the world, that any contract signed on December 25th is required to contain a Sanity Clause.

 

[davros]

What do you call a bald German man?

Herr Loss

 

[fish48]

 

[TwoTankAmin]

A man walks into a bar carrying a large satchel. His sits down and the bar and puts the satchel down on the bar. When the bartender comes over , he looks at the satchel and asks the man what he wants to drink. The man order a shot aof bourbon and a beer.

A little while later the man motions to the bartender for refills on the drinks. It was a slow night and when the bartender brings over the shot and beer. He strikes up a conversation with the man.

"I notice that is a pretty nice looking bag you have. And you treat it like it was pretty valuable. Do you mind my asking what is in it?" To which the man responds, "What I have is so amazing you will let me drink for free all night."

The bartender, being pretty savvy, asks, "what do I get if you are wrong?" And the man quickly says, "I will buy drinks for everyone in the bar for the rest of the night."

"Your on!" says the bartender rather quickly.

So the man unlatches the strap on the satchel reaches in and take out a very small piano. He reaches into the satchel again and takes out a tiny piano stool which he sets in front of the keyboard. The third time he reached into the bag he come out holding a very small man not even one foot tall in a tuxedo and sets him down next to the stool. Then the tiny man sat down and began to play Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata.

The bartender was absolutely flabbergasted and tells the man that he will be drinking for free tonight. But the bartender is very curious about this whole thing and cannot help but asking the man how he came by this tiny man who was playing the piano. So man related the following story to the bartender.

"It was about 3 years ago when I was hiking in the woods in Ireland when I came upon leprechaun trapped under a very large fallen tree. The leprechaun said to me that if I helped free him from his predicament, he would grant me any one wish I asked."

The bartender is almost more amazed by the explanation than by what he had just seen. He says to the man, "You could have had anything in the world you wanted, and this is what you wished for? I don't understand."

To which the man replied. "No, that damn leprechaun must have misunderstood what I asked him for and he gave me a 10 inch pianist."

 

[Rocky998]

A man walks into a bar carrying a large satchel. His sits down and the bar and puts the satchel down on the bar. When the bartender comes over , he looks at the satchel and asks the man what he wants to drink. The man order a shot aof bourbon and a beer.

A little while later the man motions to the bartender for refills on the drinks. It was a slow night and when the bartender brings over the shot and beer. He strikes up a conversation with the man.

"I notice that is a pretty nice looking bag you have. And you treat it like it was pretty valuable. Do you mind my asking what is in it?" To which the man responds, "What I have is so amazing you will let me drink for free all night."

The bartender, being pretty savvy, asks, "what do I get if you are wrong?" And the man quickly says, "I will buy drinks for everyone in the bar for the rest of the night."

"Your on!" says the bartender rather quickly.

So the man unlatches the strap on the satchel reaches in and take out a very small piano. He reaches into the satchel again and takes out a tiny piano stool which he sets in front of the keyboard. The third time he reached into the bag he come out holding a very small man not even one foot tall in a tuxedo and sets him down next to the stool. Then the tiny man sat down and began to play Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata.

The bartender was absolutely flabbergasted and tells the man that he will be drinking for free tonight. But the bartender is very curious about this whole thing and cannot help but asking the man how he came by this tiny man who was playing the piano. So man related the following story to the bartender.

"It was about 3 years ago when I was hiking in the woods in Ireland when I came upon leprechaun trapped under a very large fallen tree. The leprechaun said to me that if I helped free him from his predicament, he would grant me any one wish I asked."

The bartender is almost more amazed by the explanation than by what he had just seen. He says to the man, "You could have had anything in the world you wanted, and this is what you wished for? I don't understand."

To which the man replied. "No, that damn leprechaun must have misunderstood what I asked him for and he gave me a 10 inch pianist."

 

[davros]

Watching the fish in my home aquarium really helps calm my brain. It's probably the indoor fins.