out of time. Mum at end stage.

[AdoraBelle Dearheart]

I didn't meet her, but I believe we brayed drunkenly (well I did, and most of the bar was doing the same) along to Deep Purple, Elvis and some old Quebecois French country (it exists) standards. By the law of averages, I think I can claim a duet, with 30 or 40 backup singers. It's my story and I'm sticking to it.

I fully agree that it counts!

My grandfather left me a box as my inheritance. It held a shirt, a penknife and 2 45rpm Hank Williams records. I took them home and put them on the turntable, and wham. This was like music from another planet, soundwise, but the lyrics. I still shake my head at them. As I grew older, I understand why those songs, more and more.

I want to guess the two records, but I'm likely biased by the two I'm most familiar with. While I'm still "only" 40, have to remember that my parents had me late, my dad was born in 1937, so the music they listened to and I grew up loving, even when the deeper meaning of the songs hadn't connected with me yet, but hit differently now that I'm older and had more life experience, are "Your Cheatin' Heart" and "I'm so lonesome I could cry". But "Hey Good Lookin' is also still a bop! To steal a phrase from the current youth.

I'm sure both were likely covered by other country artists too, but the Hank Williams original recording of Your Cheatin' Heart is the one I heard many times as a child, played the same country albums over and over again, and it's the version I return to when needed. I played it a lot when the man I wasted the best part of my 20s with turned out to be complete fraud, cheat and liar.

He actually tried getting back in touch with me a year or so ago, actually. Tried to give me some sob story, saying I'd been the love of his life, blah blah blah, but I could see it for the pack of lies it was this time, and sent him packing.

Skeeter Davis "End of the World", and Patsy's haunting classics are always welcome too.

 

[Alice B]

The roof-chaser that I divorced in 1981 turned up in 2000 - recognized me walking from my mechanic to my car dealer, and again in 2005, when I sent him packing, and then again in 2021, anytime he was between women supporting him. Now he lives with his daughter. he sent me a picture of his dogs, on a cot, suspended from ropes I assume to a ceiling. i think he's living in a walk in closet. I'm leaving him there....

 

[AdoraBelle Dearheart]

The roof-chaser

That's a phrase I haven't come across before, any US to UK translation available?

that I divorced in 1981 turned up in 2000 - recognized me walking from my mechanic to my car dealer, and again in 2005, when I sent him packing, and then again in 2021, anytime he was between women supporting him. Now he lives with his daughter. he sent me a picture of his dogs, on a cot, suspended from ropes I assume to a ceiling. i think he's living in a walk in closet. I'm leaving him there....

Well, he certainly gave you plenty of evidence that you made a very wise choice indeed in divorcing him! You are far too intelligent, sensible, capable and deep to be wasted on a person like that. Better to be single than to be dragged down by a parasitic partner who says one thing, but does another.

I accepted a long time ago that I'm a spinster of this parish, and happy to be. Wasted too much of my youth on bad men, got therapy, got more therapy, had a few better relationships that just didn't last for one reason or another, and certainly in the last few years, I wasn't able to date, let alone maintain a relationship, and I was fine with that. I'm quite happy being single, and it would take someone pretty special to change my mind on that at this point.

You never know. My mentor who sadly passed away in 2014 was a wonderful man with a beautiful soul, who didn't meet his long term partner until they were both in their late 30s, and you hear lots of stories about people who meet in their 40s/50s, heck, even in their 80s and then marry, so who knows? I'll never have a 57 year marriage like my parents, but I'm also not desperate or seeking out a partner, have a lot of personal stuff to get through before I'd even be open to the idea. But even if I wind up a crazy old dog lady, that doesn't sound too bad to me.

My closest friend in the world is the man who has always been there for me since we met at college when I was 16/17, and we've been through thick and thin together. He's not attracted to women, and the minor crush I had on him when we first met soon faded when I found out he was gay, but I'm so glad it did, because the relationship we developed was so much deeper and more meaningful than a fling at that age would have been. Mum always wanted him to be a son-in-law deep down, haha, and he knows that, both my parents loved him, and when he came to support me for dad's funeral, all of my family members who attended said how lovely he is, and how lucky I am to have a friend like him, and I wholeheartedly agree!

So I'll never say never, and I never really wanted kids of my own for a myriad of reasons, but there's all different kinds of love, and I'm okay with being a spinster. I prefer over being attached to a man like my ex, who would only bring pain and trouble, and really wasn't worth the tears or time.

 

[JuiceBox52]

Music has been my saving Grace the last few months. Unfortunately I can’t sing anymore, can hardly talk, I used to scream/sing along to some songs, was very therapeutic. I have a whole playlist for that purpose, listening to it right now actually

 

[AdoraBelle Dearheart]

Music has been my saving Grace the last few months. Unfortunately I can’t sing anymore, can hardly talk, I used to scream/sing along to some songs, was very therapeutic. I have a whole playlist for that purpose, listening to it right now actually

Oh honey, I'm so sorry you're having that issue with your voice Sending love and prayers that you may be able to regain it in the future, but whether that's the case or not, you can still sing and scream along in your own head, no matter what! It's certainly what I do when it wouldn't be appropriate to sing/shout in public or something, and still relieves that urge, for me anyway.

Are you still painting and drawing? You're so talented already, at such a young age, and I know you're only going to get better and better.

Anything from your playlist that you recommend? I'm up for listening to some stuff I haven't heard before, name a favourite or two?

 

[JuiceBox52]

Oh honey, I'm so sorry you're having that issue with your voice Sending love and prayers that you may be able to regain it in the future, but whether that's the case or not, you can still sing and scream along in your own head, no matter what! It's certainly what I do when it wouldn't be appropriate to sing/shout in public or something, and still relieves that urge, for me anyway.

Are you still painting and drawing? You're so talented already, at such a young age, and I know you're only going to get better and better.

Anything from your playlist that you recommend? I'm up for listening to some stuff I haven't heard before, name a favourite or two?

Thank you, I still try to sing I just get out of breath from my heart.

I am, but I’m stopping temporarily starting the end of this week. I’m not able to effectively, it’s too painful and causes too much frustration. I can’t control my hands properly they shake and go numb.

I can PM you the link to my playlist, it has a couple not child friendly songs on it, so can’t post it here. Too many to choose from!

 

[Alice B]

Roof chaser. I'm sure there is another word, one of my daughters informed me of that one, man without a house chasing woman that has house. They offer to help fix house, don't work, eat a great deal and produce endless dirty laundry. All my daughters own houses. I own one too, well me and the mortgage company, them and the mortgage companies.

 

[AdoraBelle Dearheart]

Roof chaser. I'm sure there is another word, one of my daughters informed me of that one, man without a house chasing woman that has house. They offer to help fix house, don't work, eat a great deal and produce endless dirty laundry. All my daughters own houses. I own one too, well me and the mortgage company, them and the mortgage companies.

Aha! I wasn't familiar with the phrase, but the behaviour? Oh yes, I know of the type very well!! There are female roof chasers too, but the ones I've known of have been men too, luckily, not under my roof personally though

Get their feet under the table, make a lot of mess and expect the woman to cook and clean for them, "contribute" sporadically by mowing the lawn or short term work they happen to keep losing, but are more drain and expense than help.

My above mentioned ex never tried to get under my (rented) roof, but certainly towards the end I became much more aware and annoyed that he'd treat my place like a party pad when he visited. Maybe he'd bring some vodka for himself to drink, but otherwise, nothing for me, he'd eat me out of house and home, make a mess, spend some adult time together and lounge around, then take off and I'd have to clean up and grocery shop, and wonder why he never brought anything for me when he visited, like even a bottle of wine to share - I'd have to supply food, drink, company, entertainment, and always be left worse off while he'd had a nice relaxing evening/night, head off to work, and I'd see the mess he'd casually toss across my usually tidy home and empty fridge.

It was annoying enough when it was once or twice a week. Would drive me nuts if one of those got his feet under my table any longer than that.

 

[Alice B]

I married badly 3 times. Not repeating my mistake.

 

[Essjay]

Don't give up yet, Adora. My husband's brother married (again) in 2018 when he was 67 and she was 50

 

[TwoTankAmin]

For those of you who like to use music for helping just to plain to feel good for a while, I would recommend Jimmy Buffet. There are a lot of his live concerts available on Youtube. He and his band most certainly make a joyful noise. From 1998:

p.s. My fish like them, too.

 

[AdoraBelle Dearheart]

There's so, so much to do, and I don't feel very capable of doing any of it. So much paperwork, phone calls, appointments, things to figure out... I'm trying, and have made some progress, but the to-do list only grows longer and longer.

Tomorrow we finally meet the funeral director and begin planning mum's funeral. I know how much this is going to hurt, and I'm dreading it, but also want to get it done, planned and over with in some ways.

All of this is so awful, and hard. I hate how alone I feel, but I also know it's my fault that I'm so alone in this. I withdrew so much, so often over the years, so lost much of my own support network.

 

[Alice B]

One step at a time. And you know you can build new support networks. I have.

 

[AdoraBelle Dearheart]

Met with the funeral director today. Funeral will be Feb 12h.

Dad passed away Feb 7th 2023.

It's my birthday in two days. I've never made a big deal out of it anyway.

 

[Alice B]

I am just sad for no reason today. so I will be sad with you. The Sun will conjunct transiting Pluto in about 2 days, that's a whopper of a sad note astrologically speaking.