Tell me something funny

[Rocky998]

 

[Rocky998]

 

[davros]

This month's TOTM contest:catfish

 

[davros]

 

[Rocky998]

When you see someone in the active member section viewing your profile:

 

[Fishmanic]

You know you're getting old...​ You Know You're Getting Old When: 1. You and your teeth don't sleep together. 2. Your try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren't wearing any. 3. At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you're not eating cereal. 4. Your back goes out but you stay home. 5. When you wake up looking like your driver's license picture. 6. It takes two tries to get up from the couch. 7. When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio. 8. When happy hour is a nap. 9. When you're on vacation and your ENERGY runs out before your money does. 10. When you say something to your kids that your mother said to You, and you always hated it. 11. When all you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age. 12. When you step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure the street is still there.

 

[Fishmanic]

You know you are getting old when

13. Your idea of weight lifting is standing up. 14. It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired. 15. Your memory is shorter and your complaining lasts longer. 16. Your address book has mostly names that start with Dr. 17. You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going. 18. The pharmacist has become your new best friend. 19. Getting "lucky" means you found your car in the parking lot. 20. The twinkle in your eye is merely a reflection from the sun on your bifocals. 21. It takes twice as long - to look half as good. 22. Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt - doesn't work. 23. You look for your glasses for half an hour and they were on your head the whole time. 24. You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there. 25. You give up all your bad habits and still don't feel good. 26. You have more patience, but it is actually that you just don't care anymore. 27. You finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart. 28. You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't even remember being on top of it.

 

[Rocky998]

Is it wrong for me to laugh at these??

 

[Fishmanic]

Is it wrong for me to laugh at these??

Even YOU will be old someday...if you live long enough

 

[JuiceBox52]

Even YOU will be old someday...if you live long enough

So dark

 

[Fishmanic]

 

[Fishmanic]

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says . . "Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you' re about my age. How do you feel?" Slim says, "I feel just like a new-born baby." "Really!? Like a new-born baby!?" "Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.

 

[Fishmanic]

​

​ Dr. Seuss On the Golden Years​ I cannot see I cannot pee I cannot chew I cannot screw Oh My God What can I do? My memory shrinks My hearing stinks No sense of smell I look like hell My mood is bad--can you tell? My body's drooping Have trouble pooping The Golden Years are here at last The Golden Years can kiss my ass

 

[Rocky998]

Even YOU will be old someday...if you live long enough

So dark

Well... EvEnTuAlLy

 

[Fishmanic]

A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.

Henny Youngman