I laughed so hard I coughed my guts up when I read this. Not the part about thinking suicide and being put on hold when you rang the suicide help line, because that has happened to me too. Years ago it was late at night and I was feeling suicidal. I rang the help line and someone answered it and said "Can you hold the line please?" I did, I stood there for 20 minutes waiting for someone to talk to, eventually I hung up and went for a walk.
Another time I rang the suicide help line and it rang and rang and rang, and nobody answered it. I tried a few more times and eventually got a message saying please visit this website if you need help. So I hopped online and found their website. I sent an email saying Help me please, I can't deal with anything anymore. I wrote a spiel about my issues and sent it to them. I got an automated reply saying someone will contact you shortly. Two months later I get this email saying "We are replying to your email asking for help, how can we be of service today?"
I laughed about you being put through to Pakistan and them asking if you could drive a truck. They have some really bad roads in Pakistan and they probably thought, "Yes, we might be able to get this suicidal person to drive on the roads here.
I have been thinking about suicide more and more lately. For everyone who says it leaves family and friends behind, my family is dead as are my long time friends. I live in constant pain and have problems breathing. My health is going downhill and with covid and the stupid rental property and all the other crap going on here, it all gets a bit much. The only thing that keeps me going is this forum and there's days when I can't even deal with that.
I nearly drove my car off the road tonight when I was coming home from the shops. I just can't deal with everything that is going on now. I'm so sick of it all.