Best joke on the thread so far!
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Best joke on the thread so far!
stevereade
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(no offence meant here!)
An Irish man catches his son doing coke,
and says "If I catch you doing that again....
I'll rub your F'ing nose in it!"
An Irish man catches his son doing coke,
and says "If I catch you doing that again....
I'll rub your F'ing nose in it!"
the biffster
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to bats hanging in a tree
one as his face covered
in blood one turns around and says
by that must of been a good meal
the other bat turns around and say
do you see that big telegraph pole
on the to of the hill there yes he
says well i didn't well i didnt says the other bat
well it good night from me and hello
to mrs biffster good night folkes
my pit is calling besides that mrs biffster
is kicking me off the computer
nite nite
one as his face covered
in blood one turns around and says
by that must of been a good meal
the other bat turns around and say
do you see that big telegraph pole
on the to of the hill there yes he
says well i didn't well i didnt says the other bat
well it good night from me and hello
to mrs biffster good night folkes
my pit is calling besides that mrs biffster
is kicking me off the computer
nite nite
A man's car stalled on a country road. When he got out to see what was wrong, a cow came along and stopped beside him.
"Your trouble is probably in the carburetor," said the cow.
Startled, the man jumped back and ran down the road until he met the farmer. He told the farmer his story about a talking cow.
"Was it a large red cow with a brown spot over the right eye?" asked the farmer.
"Yes!"
"Oh, then, I wouldn't listen to her," said the farmer. "Bessie doesn't know anything about cars
"Your trouble is probably in the carburetor," said the cow.
Startled, the man jumped back and ran down the road until he met the farmer. He told the farmer his story about a talking cow.
"Was it a large red cow with a brown spot over the right eye?" asked the farmer.
"Yes!"
"Oh, then, I wouldn't listen to her," said the farmer. "Bessie doesn't know anything about cars
england
channa aka snakehead
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Paddy's painting his house, 
Wife walks in and is shocked paddys doing so good,
But to her surprise he's all hot and sweat is dripping "why on earth are you wearing a leather jacket and a parka?"
Hey says "Durrrr hellllllo, read the tin, it says for best results put on two coats
Wife walks in and is shocked paddys doing so good,
But to her surprise he's all hot and sweat is dripping "why on earth are you wearing a leather jacket and a parka?"
Hey says "Durrrr hellllllo, read the tin, it says for best results put on two coats
Mr Spoon
Fishaholic
Paddy's painting his house,
Wife walks in and is shocked paddys doing so good,
But to her surprise he's all hot and sweat is dripping "why on earth are you wearing a leather jacket and a parka?"
Hey says "Durrrr hellllllo, read the tin, it says for best results put on two coats
stevereade
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A paper bag goes to the doctor because he is all itchy and has an embarrassing little rash. The doc gives him an examination and tells him he's got VD. The paper bag starts sobbing and says "But I have only slept with one other bag in my life!?". The doc replies "Well she must have been a carrier!".
the biffster
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have a laugh on me but i dont feel like laughing myself
Australian bricklayer report
This is a bricklayer's accident report, which was printed in the newsletter
of the Australian equivalent of the Workers' Compensation board.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Sir,
I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block 3 of the accident report form. I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient.
I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I found that I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later were found to be slightly in excess of 500lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building on the sixth floor.
Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks. You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 135lbs.
Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building.
In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel, which was now proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed.
This explained the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collar bone, as listed in section 3 of the accident report form.
Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley.
Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of beginning to experience pain. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel.
Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs. I refer you again to my weight. As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent, down the side of the building.
In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up.
This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and several
lacerations of my legs and lower body.
Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its journey back down onto me.
This explains the two broken legs.
I hope this answers your inquiry.
Australian bricklayer report
This is a bricklayer's accident report, which was printed in the newsletter
of the Australian equivalent of the Workers' Compensation board.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Sir,
I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block 3 of the accident report form. I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient.
I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I found that I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later were found to be slightly in excess of 500lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building on the sixth floor.
Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks. You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 135lbs.
Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building.
In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel, which was now proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed.
This explained the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collar bone, as listed in section 3 of the accident report form.
Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley.
Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of beginning to experience pain. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel.
Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs. I refer you again to my weight. As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent, down the side of the building.
In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up.
This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and several
lacerations of my legs and lower body.
Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its journey back down onto me.
This explains the two broken legs.
I hope this answers your inquiry.
Breaking News. Steve Jobs is to buy Ireland to solve the debt problem. It will be rebranded iLand
Carlovel1
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the biffster
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Carlovel1
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Didn't get that
stevereade
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Don't have blonde hair do ya
??? lol.
??? lol.
Carlovel1
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No and neither does my wife lolDon't have blonde hair do ya
Is the joke trying to insinuate blondes are stupid or summat'?
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