Jokes

[Paradise3]

^^ lol!

Alessa x.

 

[hughessomefish]

Ok I got one, some baby seal lovers may not laugh, or may....................


So a seal walks into a club....


The End.

 

[elisew]

I had this sent to me in an email and thought I`d share

Special Christmas Cake Recipe

1 cup water
1 cup of sugar
4 large eggs
2 cups dried fruit
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1 cup brown sugar
lemon juice
nuts
1 gallon of brandy

Sample the brandy to check for quality.
Take a large bowl.
Check the brandy again to be sure it is of the highest quality.
Pour one level cup and drink.

Repeat.

Turn on the electric mixer; beat 1 cup butter in a large, fluffy bowl.
Add 1 teaspoon sugar and beat again.
Make sure the brandy is still OK.
Cry another tup. Turn off mixer.
Break 2 legs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Pick the #138## fruit up off the floor
Mix on the turner.
If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the brandy to check for tonsisticity.

Next, sift 2 cups of salt. Or something, Who cares.
Check the brandy
Sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find.
Grease the oven.
Turn the cake tin to 356 degrees an try not to fall over

Don't forget to beat off the turner.
Throw the bowl out of the window.
Check the brandy again.
Wipe the Cat on the worktop
Go to supermarket and buy cake

Bingle Jells

 

[star4]

 

[james_fish]

iLand, what a cracker

James.

 

[lljdma06]

I've seen that joke before, but that one's better written, good post Elisew!

 

[fluttermoth]

Excellent! Thanks for sharing that, elise

 

[elisew]

No worries, it made me giggle when I opened the email this morning so thought I`d share it

 

[the biffster]

what breakfast cereal do
cats like mice crispies



how does jack frost get to
work by icycle

 

[rdp50734]

Paddy gets a job painting yellow lines on the road.
He puts his tin down and picks up his brush!
The first day he paints 10 miles! The boss is impressed.
The second day he paints 5 miles.
The third day he paints 2 miles.

The boss calls paddy in and asks whats going on?
Paddy said "Well the tin gets further and further away each day!"

 

[the biffster]

 

[rob158]

Got a letter from Grandma the other day.
She writes...
The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore
and saw a "Honk If You Love jeasus " bumper sticker.
I was feeling particularly sassy that day
because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance,
followed by a thunderous prayer meeting;
so I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.

Boy, I'm glad I did!
What an uplifting experience that followed!

I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection
just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is...



and I didn't notice that the light had changed.
It is a good thing someone else loves jeasus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed!

I found that LOTS of people love jeasus Why, while I was sitting there,



the guy behind me started honking like crazy,
and then he leaned out of his window and screamed,
"For the love of GOD! GO! GO! jeasus jeasus GO!"

What an exuberant cheerleader he was for jeasus Everyone started honking!
I just leaned out of my window
and started waving and smiling at all these loving people.
I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!



There must have been a man from Florida back there
because I heard him yelling something about a
"sunny beach"...
I saw another guy waving in a funny way
with only his middle finger stuck up in the air.
When I asked my teenage grandson in the back seat
what that meant, he said that it was probably
a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.
Well, I've never met anyone from Hawaii;
so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back.
My grandson burst out laughing...
why even he was enjoying this religious experience!



A couple of the people were so caught up
in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars
and started walking towards me.
I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended,
but this is when I noticed the light had changed.
So, I waved to all my sisters and brothers, grinning,
and drove on through the intersection.
I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection
before the light changed again and I felt kind of sad
that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared;
so I slowed the car down, leaned out the window
and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign
one last time as I drove away.

Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!


love,
Grandma.

 

[elisew]

 

[rob158]

things off facebook,


Man: DOCTOR! Help me! I accidentally ate the "DO NOT EAT" packet from my shoebox. Will I die ?
Doctor: Well, everyone dies eventually , so ....
Man: EVERYONE WILL DIE?! OH LORD, WHAT HAVE I DONE ?!
................................................................................

Katy Perry's living her Teenage Dream..
Lady Gaga's ignoring her Telephone..
Travie McCoy's is a Billionaire..
While Justin Bieber is having a Baby.

 

[Carlovel1]

things off facebook,


Man: DOCTOR! Help me! I accidentally ate the "DO NOT EAT" packet from my shoebox. Will I die ?
Doctor: Well, everyone dies eventually , so ....
Man: EVERYONE WILL DIE?! OH LORD, WHAT HAVE I DONE ?!
................................................................................

Katy Perry's living her Teenage Dream..
Lady Gaga's ignoring her Telephone..
Travie McCoy's is a Billionaire..
While Justin Bieber is having a Baby.

Ha, like what you've done on the last joke