Jokes

[cowbla1]

Here a good one: Women's rights.

 

[Ace Of Spades]

Here a good one: Women's rights.

*Takes shelter from the incoming sh**storm...."

 

[cowbla1]

How do you turn a baby into a cat?


Freeze it solid, and throw it through a buzzsaw. Meeeeeeeeeoooooowwwwww

 

[Joshwainwright]

A man walks into the office one day and stands in some dog sh*t.
Another man then walks into the office and stands in the dog sh*t.
The first man says, "I've just done that," so the second man punches him and knocks him out...

 

[Carlovel1]

A man walks into the office one day and stands in some dog sh*t.
Another man then walks into the office and stands in the dog sh*t.
The first man says, "I've just done that," so the second man punches him and knocks him out...

 

[fishy55599]

A brunette, a smart blonde and santa claus jumps off a building which falls first?

The brunette because the other 2 don't exist

 

[Carlovel1]

A brunette, a smart blonde and santa claus jumps off a building which falls first?

The brunette because the other 2 don't exist

Can't imagine elisew will be happy with that joke lol

 

[Joshwainwright]

Ahah, rather funny

 

[CTGoldfish]

I've got a good but very long one (that was not a pun,im talking about the joke)
A dog named sex
Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him *rover* or *spot*. I called mine *sex*. Now sex has been very embarrassing to me when I went to the city hall to renew the dog's license for sex. I told the clerk I'd like a license for sex he said. "I would like to have one too!". Then I said, "she is a dog!!". He said he didn't care what she looked like. I said, "you don't understand. I had sex since I was 9 years old." He replied, "You must have been quite a strong boy."

When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would like to have sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding was over. I said, "but sex has played a big part in my life and my life revolves around sex." He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church. I told him everybody would like having sex at the wedding. The next day we were married at the justice of peace. My family was barred from the church then on.

When my wife and went on out honeymoon, I took the dog with me. When we checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for me and my wife and a special room for sex. He said every room in the motel is a place for sex. I said, "you don't understand. Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "me too!"

One day I entered sex in a contest. But before the competition began, sex ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just looking around. I told him that I was going to have sex in the contest. He said that I should have sold my own tickets. "You don't understand!!" I said. "I hoped to have sex on TV!!". He called me a show off.

When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "your honour. I had sex before I was married, but sex left me after I was married." The judge said, "me too!!"

Last night, sex ran off again. I spent hours looking all over for her. A cop came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning. I said, "I'm looking for sex." My case comes up next Thursday.

Well now I have been thrown in jail, been divorced and had more #40## troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw. Why just the other day when I went for my first session with my psychiatrist, she asked me, "what seems to be the trouble?" I replied, "sex has been my best friend all of my life but now it has left me forever. I couldn't live any longer. So lonely." The doctor said, "look mister you should understand sex isn't a man's best friend. So get yourself a dog."

 

[fishy55599]

A blonde decides to commit suicide by hanging herself so she goes to the park and....2 days later a man is walking in the park and sees the blonde hanging on by a rope tied to her stomach. So he says "Ain't that suppoesed to be around your neck". And the blonde says "I tried that, but i couldn't breathe.

 

[rob158]

Roses are red, nuts are brown, skirts go up, pants go down, body to body, skin to skin, when its stiff, stick it in, it goes in dry, comes out wet, the longer its in, the stronger it gets, it comes out dripping and it starts to sag, its not what you think, its a tetleys teabag.


A kid gave his teacher a blank piece of paper.
Teacher: What is this?
Kid: It's a drawing of a cow eating grass.
Teacher: (looked at the paper) Where's the grass?
Kid: The cow ate all of it.
Teacher: (looked at the paper again)Then, where's the cow?
Kid: It left because there was no more grass.

 

[Joshwainwright]

Roses are red, nuts are brown, skirts go up, pants go down, body to body, skin to skin, when its stiff, stick it in, it goes in dry, comes out wet, the longer its in, the stronger it gets, it comes out dripping and it starts to sag, its not what you think, its a tetleys teabag.

I LOVE IT!

 

[BIG BAD BARRY]

Just bought the wife a new bag and belt for valentines day. The hoover works a treat now!




Booked a table for Valentines night for me and the wife ... I can see it ending in tears though... She's hopeless at snooker!

 

[Better is Betta]

I was reading that if you drink too much alcohol you will die....so I decided to stop reading.

 

[Joshwainwright]

Just bought the wife a new bag and belt for valentines day. The hoover works a treat now!




Booked a table for Valentines night for me and the wife ... I can see it ending in tears though... She's hopeless at snooker!

QUALITY