Home Alone

[faildeadly]

Up until 4am this morning I have never been the victim of crime. Ever. Then, some oxygen thief of a lowlife decided to try and break into my flat, with me in it. He was pushing against the door, which was only on the snib, in an attempt to break it (I assume quietly). Then he tried pushing the catflap open before going back to his door bashing. I pretty much just froze in my bed. Looked for a) my phone and b) a weapon with which to defend myself in case he got in. A) was no problem, it was on my bedside table. A quick call to the police and they were on their way. B) was proving my more of an issue. My options were pretty much some dirty socks, a Lego star wars alarm clock (because I am that cool) or a half packet of Haribo. This guy had no chance!

Sadly, the police didn't catch him, he had legged it before they arrived. Tonight, I have both locks engaged on my front door, all the windows locked, cardboard cutouts dancing in the lounge, baubals underneath all the windows, and a bowling ball suspended with rope right above the door. If it worked for Macauly, it'll work for me!

 

[LucyB]

Oh my God I would have FREAKED out!

Can't believe he tried the catflap... what was he going to do, try and crawl through it

 

[Alm0stAwesome]

Jebus man! I'd of cacked it big time.

As far as weapons go...if i was in my bed hmmmm...i may be able to do some damage with my hair dryer lol failing that i'd throw my nutty cat at him followed by the grumpy dog, who is only of use as a noise machine and makes for a very flabby projectile guess i'd be screwed too!

Sorry this happened but your post had me

 

[Man of fish]

I agree with the last line of AAs response, sorry.

I have a baseball bat hanging on my wall it's engraved from when i went to a baseball tournament in Cooperstown NY. baseball hall of fame. It's about 30 oz. Easily knock someone out with my power swing

 

[faildeadly]

If he had actually tried to crawl through the catflap, fear would have probably turned to laughter.

 

[basboi85]

I personally keep weapons around the house in every room for these set incidents

I have a massive selection of knives that I personally sharpen ( cuts through raw chicken breasts by the weight of the knife/ no force by me ) in the kitchen

1x pool que in the lounge/living room
Dining room 3 x samurai swords sharpend personally by myself
Hall way 1x pool que
My bedroom 1x police extendable kosh + police handcuffs ( used to have a 8 inch hunting knife under my pillow but kept cutting my arm in my sleep lol )
Daughters room 1x hockey stick
Sons room 1x claw hammer

Oh yea and a extremely sharp machette kicking around somewhere and loads of rusty screwdrivers


And if all else fails I'll set the wife on them with her motor mouth that'll get rid of 99% of people lol

 

[Alm0stAwesome]

And swift justice would be more easily dealt lol
We had a girl either incredibly drunk or high come to our old flat in the middle of the night once. She was convinced she should be allowed to come in, i think she maybe knew the guy who lived there before. Anyway, she was ringing our buzzer and when we wouldn't let her in she started ringing other peoples' buzzers until someone just let her in so they could go back to sleep! Then she was actually at our door banging on it, my husband foolishly cracked the door to tell her to go away or he was going to call the police which was when she tried to force her way in and we both had to force the door closed lmao. She stuck around for a while and then either left or just fell asleep hehe.
Not nearly like your experience but i just felt led to share!! Seriously though, hope you're not too shaken up by it

I personally keep weapons around the house in every room for these set incidents

I have a massive selection of knives that I personally sharpen ( cuts through raw chicken breasts by the weight of the knife/ no force by me ) in the kitchen

1x pool que in the lounge/living room
Dining room 3 x samurai swords sharpend personally by myself
Hall way 1x pool que
My bedroom 1x police extendable kosh + police handcuffs ( used to have a 8 inch hunting knife under my pillow but kept cutting my arm in my sleep lol )
Daughters room 1x hockey stick
Sons room 1x claw hammer

Oh yea and a extremely sharp machette kicking around somewhere and loads of rusty screwdrivers


And if all else fails I'll set the wife on them with her motor mouth that'll get rid of 99% of people lol

Jeeze man, you're prepared for the zombie apocalypse. I think you may have some issues or live in a seriously rough area - or both lol
Not meant in a mean way btw, just being cheeky hope it's taken that way

 

[Fishy friend2]

My fish tanks are in my room. I have a bunch of glass "Betta bowls" I could chunk at them. Along with a baseball bat and a pellet gun.

 

[crazyforcordoras]

Ha, ive got a swiss army knife and a neck knife right next to my bed...

 

[ZephyrStarPlaties]

That's why I keep an air horn, a bottle of pepper spray, and an inflatable battle axe near my bed at all times.

 

[basboi85]

[/quote]

Jeeze man, you're prepared for the zombie apocalypse. I think you may have some issues or live in a seriously rough area - or both lol
Not meant in a mean way btw, just being cheeky hope it's taken that way
[/quote]

Haha na no offence taken I'm ex army so old habits did hard and my wife thinks I Have issues lol but it's a combination of both as I like to be prepared if such things did happen

 

[faildeadly]

My brother suggested I scream loudly and run naked towards them. Would scare the crap out of anyone!

 

[basboi85]

My brother suggested I scream loudly and run naked towards them. Would scare the crap out of anyone!

Hahaha sounds like a good idea I would probably freak if someone did that to me and if you was to catch them you could always bum head them lol

 

[Baccus]

Thankfully we have never had anyone mad enough to try and break into our house....although one morning I did discover a jumber that did not belong to us tangled up on the fence, where I have a strong suspicion somebody found out my dog wont bark only give a spin chilling growl before going on full defense.

One of my previous cats we used to knick name Switch Blade, she loved us but she had no qualms about attacking our legs if she deemed we were ignoring her or taking to long to feed her . Both her and her sister one night stood at the front door either side of my husband growling at a police officer that had come to see us about some noisy party nearby. I think the police officer deemed our house adiquately secure because both dogs where also giving him a demonstration of their vocal prowers.

If somebody was crazy enough to try getting into my place with me at home, I have around 50 decent heavy books I can either throw our belt over somebodies head, that is of course assuming I dont just let my latest feral kitten who thinks he is some cross between a lion and a pit bull at the intruder. . Seriously this kitten is savage my husbands hands are literally covered in scratches and teeth marks.... thank goodness its winter her because the little monster also delights in leaping out and attack legs.

 

[fluttermoth]

I had someone try my front door once, at about 2:30am; but the German shepherd I had at the time flew at the door (which had a glass panel in it, and the hallway light was on for the kids) and had 'a bit of a woof'. I didn't hear anything else, and I didn't even bother getting out of bed. There was no way anyone was going to get through my door

Now I don't have her, I keep a pick axe handle at the top of the stairs. Probably wouldn't do me any good, but it makes me feel better!

My aunt had a teenager break into her flat, years ago. It was his first 'job' and he wasn't very good. He was shaking like a leaf after being caught; my uncle is about 6' 4" and a prison officer! My aunt made him a cup of tea while they were waiting for the police to turn up!