Today's a new day.

You're procrastinating, young lady.

I'm not a mum, but putting on my stern mum voice, and telling you the exact lessons my parents taught me.

When you have animals, you put their needs first before yours. Before we were allowed to get a pet, we had to research everything we could about them before we were allowed to even consider it. And this was in the days before internet access at your fingertips, so it meant reading my parents reference books, getting out library books, talking to other people who kept the same kind of animals, meet some in shops etc, and be totally sure we could provide what the animal needed, for the lifetime of the animal. They'd make us prepare like a report before they'd even consider letting us get a pet.

Research included - compatibility with the other pets. What housing/habitat does it need as a young animal, and once it's full grown? A newfie puppy is adorable, but you have to consider how massive they get as adults, and the extra care and shorter lifespan involved. Things to consider when getting a new animal. Is everyone else in the house on board or at least, not put out by the pet. No allergies/phobias etc, so my brother couldn't have a snake, my mum was nervous about them, and he didn't demonstrate enough responsibility or have space for a large snake.

What diet does it need, can we access and afford it?
Vet care expected?
Cost of the habitat/where do we keep it?
Is it a social animal that needs friends, or solitary?
Lifespan?
Can you commit to the animal for it's lifespan?

And the answers had to be honest, we had to be prepared to do all the care it needed ourselves (although of course our parents helped when there was a problem, or looked after the animal if we had something come up and couldn't for whatever reason that day).

Right now, you're thinking of the tanks and their inhabitants more like decor, or new projects you want to daydream about. That's not cool when you already have tanks that you're not taking care of by yourself, but relying on your parents to do the hard work for you.

Stop. You can't do justice to the daydreaming tanks, if you're not willing to get stuck in to maintain the ones you have. Tanks take work to make and keep them beautiful, even "natural scapes" don't just get like that by accident, and maintain water quality all on their own.

When we got up in the morning, got home from school, got home from activities - animal care came first, before any of our own wants or needs. If the pet needs cleaning out, that gets done before we could relax and play computer games saying we'd do it later, or have a nap/snack, not when the animals needed feeding! Pet care first, your own needs second. It's the responsibility you take on when you have pets, and your parents won't always be around to do the hard work parts for you. Trust me. As an older woman who has now lost both my parents, you'll thank them one day for teaching for responsibility and life lessons.

The fish and inverts you have now are living, feeling creatures, not just pretty decor. Poor water quality will stress, and eventually kill them. You're on holiday from school now? Then clean the tanks out, do the water changes, gravel vac, filter cleaning/glass cleaning, etc.


Do the necessary first. Then you can daydream, plan and sketch out what ideas you have for other tanks. But it's pointless to do that if you're not caring for your current tanks.
A typical plastic kitchen jug, or even a pyrex one, is not heavy. You can get buckets and bins that are on wheels that you could fill, warm, declorinate, then roll to the tanks, if they're on the same floor. Where there's a will, there's a way, and if you can't move 2 gallons of water at a time, or lift a jug of water from a table top bucket to the tank, or vice versa, then you have serious health issues, I hope that's not the case?

These two videos are very helpful for learning how to gravel vac properly, and control the flow of the water through the syphon. In the video, Cory crimps the hose to pause the flow, but I prefer just sticking my thumb over the end that's in the bucket when I want to pause the flow to move the syphon or avoid fish/shrimp etc.


You got me. :( Am I in trouble? I had to hide a secret, that I didn't reveal for a long time. I'm trying to learn. But yes, I was procrastinating for years, like I did when I had dogs. I wanted dogs, but I moved on from them since. I don't want that to happen in the aquarium hobby. I'm really struggling... I'm struggling to keep myself up for the fish. I'm not a good person. I'm just not my usual self.
 
And yes @AdoraBelle Dearheart, I do care for the tanks, I just need help doing some stuff. I feel like I'm the black sheep of the forum. Like I said earlier, I don't want my thread to be turned into an argument. But I understand on what you said earlier. However, I am not good at some stuff on the hobby yet. I learn everyday. I'm only a 17yo. I'm worried that I'm not as good as I used to be in a year or so.
 
You got me. :( Am I in trouble? I had to hide a secret, that I didn't reveal for a long time. I'm trying to learn. But yes, I was procrastinating for years, like I did when I had dogs. I wanted dogs, but I moved on from them since. I don't want that to happen in the aquarium hobby. I'm really struggling...

Nope, you're not in trouble!

The thing with a stern mom voice is that it comes from a place of caring. :)

It's easy to get excited about new projects and new ideas, then feel overwhelmed. It's also okay to explore new interests, especially at your age, and to later decide it isn't for you.

Just because you changed your mind about dogs, or art, doesn't mean you'll always feel the same, or that you'll also lose interest in the fish.

To ease the struggle, start with one tank today. I don't know how many you have, or size/stocking etc, but pick the one that needs water changing the most, and just do a gravel vac and water change on it today. If they're small tanks, you can do it in less than an hour.

Watch those videos. Learn how to start a syphon without having to suck on the hose - you can learn how to do it from those videos! Focus on sweeping over the substrate and cleaning it as best you can, removing 40-50% of the total water volume.


Once you have a bucket of old tank water ready to throw away, turn off and unplug filter, remove the media (sponges, cartridges, ceramic media or whatever you have in the filter, and rinse it out loosely in the old tank water. Replace filter media in filter, plug back in and turn on once you've dried your hands, if the water level is high enough for the filter to work.

If the heater is likely to be exposed when you drop the water level, also unplug that before you begin the water change. Water heaters left on but not fully submerged get incredibly hot, and can explode, so safety first. My heater is placed low down and horizontal, so even if I drop the water levels by 70-80%, the heater isn't an issue.

Then fill buckets with fresh water, warmed to the same tank temperature, and following the directions on the declorinator you have, declorinate the bucket. Move bucket to tank, even if you need to enlist help at first, but try to do it alone if it's safe to do that. Lift with your knees, not your back.

Use whatever clean container you can to transfer water a bit at a time from bucket to tank. Repeat as often as needed until tank is full again. Watch fish enjoy the fresh water! Most get active and playful (some decide to spawn) with the influx of fresh clean water.

Sit back and enjoy the results. Give the filter an hour or so to clear the water, since a water change is likely to make the water slightly cloudy or dirty looking for an hour or so, but it'll settle and go into the filter and usually see lovely clear water within an hour or so. :)
 
Nope, you're not in trouble!

The thing with a stern mom voice is that it comes from a place of caring. :)

It's easy to get excited about new projects and new ideas, then feel overwhelmed. It's also okay to explore new interests, especially at your age, and to later decide it isn't for you.

Just because you changed your mind about dogs, or art, doesn't mean you'll always feel the same, or that you'll also lose interest in the fish.

To ease the struggle, start with one tank today. I don't know how many you have, or size/stocking etc, but pick the one that needs water changing the most, and just do a gravel vac and water change on it today. If they're small tanks, you can do it in less than an hour.

Watch those videos. Learn how to start a syphon without having to suck on the hose - you can learn how to do it from those videos! Focus on sweeping over the substrate and cleaning it as best you can, removing 40-50% of the total water volume.


Once you have a bucket of old tank water ready to throw away, turn off and unplug filter, remove the media (sponges, cartridges, ceramic media or whatever you have in the filter, and rinse it out loosely in the old tank water. Replace filter media in filter, plug back in and turn on once you've dried your hands, if the water level is high enough for the filter to work.

If the heater is likely to be exposed when you drop the water level, also unplug that before you begin the water change. Water heaters left on but not fully submerged get incredibly hot, and can explode, so safety first. My heater is placed low down and horizontal, so even if I drop the water levels by 70-80%, the heater isn't an issue.

Then fill buckets with fresh water, warmed to the same tank temperature, and following the directions on the declorinator you have, declorinate the bucket. Move bucket to tank, even if you need to enlist help at first, but try to do it alone if it's safe to do that. Lift with your knees, not your back.

Use whatever clean container you can to transfer water a bit at a time from bucket to tank. Repeat as often as needed until tank is full again. Watch fish enjoy the fresh water! Most get active and playful (some decide to spawn) with the influx of fresh clean water.

Sit back and enjoy the results. Give the filter an hour or so to clear the water, since a water change is likely to make the water slightly cloudy or dirty looking for an hour or so, but it'll settle and go into the filter and usually see lovely clear water within an hour or so. :)
I understand water changes, and hopefully I'll gravel vac on Tuesday. 5 from each species, cardinal and silvertip tetras remain since 1 silvertip died and 1 cardinal disappeared while I was feeding them brine shrimp one time. I agree on you. :)
 
And yes @AdoraBelle Dearheart, I do care for the tanks, I just need help doing some stuff.

There's nothing wrong with that! And you can always learn and do more as you grow in confidence.
I feel like I'm the black sheep of the forum.

Please, please, don't feel like that! None of us are perfect, nor expect perfection, and we were all beginners once! We were all teenagers once as well, which is why you're getting a lot of parental type advice. ;)
Like I said earlier, I don't want my thread to be turned into an argument. But I understand on what you said earlier.

Not at all intended to be an argument! We're trying to help you, not hurt or shame you. I'm sorry if anything I said made you feel like an outsider, you're just as valid a member here as anyone else, I promise.
However, I am not good at some stuff on the hobby yet. I learn everyday. I'm only a 17yo
There's a steep learning curve to this hobby, and while I don't know your whole history, you sound as though you've already learned a lot, and we're all still learning things, even those who have been in the hobby for 40-50 years continue to learn and adapt their hobby, and adapt their hobby to their current life circumstances.

Getting into a maintenance routine will give you the best chance of long term success in the hobby, and you absolutely can do it!

17 is nearly an adult. :) I have every confidence that you can do a water change on a tank, and if you need to ask your dad to help guide you through doing it for the first couple of times, then by all means, ask him! I'm sure he'd be willing, if you show that you actively want to learn how to do it yourself. That demonstates that you want to learn, want to be responsible for your own pets and your own hobby, and another step towards being a responsible adult. :)

. I'm worried that I'm not as good as I used to be in a year or so.


Try not to compare yourself to others, or to your past, or ideal self. We all only have today, and can't predict the future, or change the past. Can only work with what you can do today, and make steps towards future plans. Being independent sounds like what you'd like to work towards, and you want to grow in the hobby. Nothing is stopping you, and you have the passion!

So please don't be upset. Just focus on doing the one tank water change today, then update us when it's done. I think you'll be surprised at how easy it is!
 
I understand water changes, and hopefully I'll gravel vac on Tuesday. 5 from each species, cardinal and silvertip tetras remain since 1 silvertip died and 1 cardinal disappeared while I was feeding them brine shrimp one time. I agree on you. :)

Emphasis mine. Why Tuesday? What's stopping you from doing it today?
 
There's nothing wrong with that! And you can always learn and do more as you grow in confidence.


Please, please, don't feel like that! None of us are perfect, nor expect perfection, and we were all beginners once! We were all teenagers once as well, which is why you're getting a lot of parental type advice. ;)


Not at all intended to be an argument! We're trying to help you, not hurt or shame you. I'm sorry if anything I said made you feel like an outsider, you're just as valid a member here as anyone else, I promise.

There's a steep learning curve to this hobby, and while I don't know your whole history, you sound as though you've already learned a lot, and we're all still learning things, even those who have been in the hobby for 40-50 years continue to learn and adapt their hobby, and adapt their hobby to their current life circumstances.

Getting into a maintenance routine will give you the best chance of long term success in the hobby, and you absolutely can do it!

17 is nearly an adult. :) I have every confidence that you can do a water change on a tank, and if you need to ask your dad to help guide you through doing it for the first couple of times, then by all means, ask him! I'm sure he'd be willing, if you show that you actively want to learn how to do it yourself. That demonstates that you want to learn, want to be responsible for your own pets and your own hobby, and another step towards being a responsible adult. :)




Try not to compare yourself to others, or to your past, or ideal self. We all only have today, and can't predict the future, or change the past. Can only work with what you can do today, and make steps towards future plans. Being independent sounds like what you'd like to work towards, and you want to grow in the hobby. Nothing is stopping you, and you have the passion!

So please don't be upset. Just focus on doing the one tank water change today, then update us when it's done. I think you'll be surprised at how easy it is!
Thanks for the motivation. I feel stressed when someone treats a fish like a decoration, but I never treat them like decor. I'm trying my best to be a good aquarist.
Emphasis mine. Why Tuesday? What's stopping you from doing it today?
Dad can't do it on Monday because he has something important in that day. And it's past bedtime tonight.
 
Thanks for the motivation. I feel stressed when someone treats a fish like a decoration, but I never treat them like decor. I'm trying my best to be a good aquarist.

Resolving to learn how to do this will help you become a better aquarist. The fact you want to be, counts for a lot!
Dad can't do it on Monday because he has something important in that day. And it's past bedtime tonight.

If your dad can't do it Monday, maybe see if you can at least start it on Monday. Change one bucket of water, gravel vac one area of the tank, and see how it goes. Follow the instructions in those videos and that I explained earlier. But if you can't, and your dad is able to help you on Tuesday, then that's fine too. :)
 
Resolving to learn how to do this will help you become a better aquarist. The fact you want to be, counts for a lot!


If your dad can't do it Monday, maybe see if you can at least start it on Monday. Change one bucket of water, gravel vac one area of the tank, and see how it goes. Follow the instructions in those videos and that I explained earlier. But if you can't, and your dad is able to help you on Tuesday, then that's fine too. :)
Let's talk about the future 10L aquascape instead. It's my younger sister's former tank and a 22cm cube with 18.5 cm diameter of work space. the other 4.5cm is for filtration. The only thing missing is the heater. It's used for my younger sister's 40L tall aquarium.

This thread is a diary about myself and my tetras that will go on for days.
 

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So please don't be upset. Just focus on doing the one tank water change today, then update us when it's done. I think you'll be surprised at how easy it is!

Emphasis mine. Why Tuesday? What's stopping you from doing it today?

Dad can't do it on Monday because he has something important in that day. And it's past bedtime tonight.

Whoops, my bad! I didn't notice you were in Aus, forgot about this place being international and different time zones. :blush::lol:
 
Hi @GaryE, @emeraldking and @Essjay, I'm trying my hardest to care for my fish. I understand Adora's advice and I will take it. I really need help in my hobby... :( I'm struggling at times, but I'll get there eventually. I did research before I got my fish a year ago. I will do the same for other aquariums I might have in the future.
 
It's not just researching about the fish's needs, you also need to research how to look after a tank.
For example, to clean a tank you need to use a siphon tube (or hose pipe on a very large tank) to remove old water and clean the substrate without needing to carry it to the sink. With a siphon tube, the old tank water goes into a bucket which is then carried to the sink. But the bucket does not need to be filled to the brim. You could siphon a couple of litres into a bucket, empty the bucket, siphon a couple more litres, empty the bucket, siphon a couple more litres and so on till you've emptied half the tank water.


You've talked about getting bigger tanks. That's how you'd have to clean them - every week.
 
Let's talk about the future 10L aquascape instead.
I'm going to be straightforward and maybe a bit blunt with you here. This is not criticism, it's just life advice based on my own experience.

Stop trying to change the subject. It's fantastic that you're daydreaming and creating ideas for new tanks. I've been doing plenty of that myself. However, you really need to focus on the tank you already have. If you put time, energy, and attention into a new project, it is incredibly easy to neglect old ones. I promise you that the 10L will still be there in the future. I think you might be missing the point we've all been trying to tell you: focus on figuring out how to do maintenance for your cardinal tetra tank on your own first. Before you start planning and scaping new tanks, you need to put all your focus on learning maintenance. Then, you can move on to other tanks. If you can't maintain one tank on your own, how will you maintain two?

I have ADHD, and while it's not the same as autism, we have some very similar symptoms and behaviors. In previous hobbies, I've definitely fallen into the trap of starting a new project before finishing an old one, and then I would forget about the old projects or not work on them as much as I should have. Sometimes I still do this. I also love to daydream and plan. I often struggle with executive dysfunction. However, there is extremely little room to make excuses based on struggles when it comes to aquarium maintenance because it involves living creatures. No matter how much one researches, that research almost does not matter at all if one cannot actually take care of the tank in a timely and reliable manner. I expect myself to only be able to have a maximum of three tanks. That's all I believe I'll ever be able to care for, because I've lived long enough to know the ways I struggle and know how that affects my daily life. It's a good thing to learn what your limits are. Maybe your limit right now is one tank, and that's perfectly okay.

We all want to see you succeed. I think everyone here on the forum is rooting for you. Personally, I haven't been on this forum for very long, but I see a lot of myself in you. As a teenager, I researched ravenously (I still do), I was passionate about some hobbies, lost interest in others, and I struggled. I still struggle. Work, paying bills, taking care of myself... it's all difficult for me in some way or another. But I've taken the time and energy to learn how to manage. I've learned the things I need to do to help me succeed. Even then, sometimes I still fail. It's a constant learning process.

I want this to be an encouraging message. I believe you have the passion and ability to be extremely good at fishkeeping. You've already done so much work and you're already a good fishkeeper in that you care about your fish as more than decorations and that you've taken the time to do your research about the species you keep. Now, focus your energy on learning maintenance. When you have those skills, then I'd be very happy to talk about plans for that 10L :)
 
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I'm going to be straightforward and maybe a bit blunt with you here. This is not criticism, it's just life advice based on my own experience.

Stop trying to change the subject. It's fantastic that you're daydreaming and creating ideas for new tanks. I've been doing plenty of that myself. However, you really need to focus on the tank you already have. If you put time, energy, and attention into a new project, it is incredibly easy to neglect old ones. I promise you that the 10L will still be there in the future. I think you might be missing the point we've all been trying to tell you: focus on figuring out how to do maintenance for your cardinal tetra tank on your own first. Before you start planning and scaping new tanks, you need to put all your focus on learning maintenance. Then, you can move on to other tanks. If you can't maintain one tank on your own, how will you maintain two?

I have ADHD, and while it's not the same as autism, we have some very similar symptoms and behaviors. In previous hobbies, I've definitely fallen into the trap of starting a new project before finishing an old one, and then I would forget about the old projects or not work on them as much as I should have. Sometimes I still do this. I also love to daydream and plan. I often struggle with executive dysfunction. However, there is extremely little room to make excuses based on struggles when it comes to aquarium maintenance because it involves living creatures. No matter how much one researches, that research almost does not matter at all if one cannot actually take care of the tank in a timely and reliable manner. I expect myself to only be able to have a maximum of three tanks. That's all I believe I'll ever be able to care for, because I've lived long enough to know the ways I struggle and know how that affects my daily life. It's a good thing to learn what your limits are. Maybe your limit right now is one tank, and that's perfectly okay.

We all want to see you succeed. I think everyone here on the forum is rooting for you. Personally, I haven't been on this forum for very long, but I see a lot of myself in you. As a teenager, I researched ravenously (I still do), I was passionate about some hobbies, lost interest in others, and I struggled. I still struggle. Work, paying bills, taking care of myself... it's all difficult for me in some way or another. But I've taken the time and energy to learn how to manage. I've learned the things I need to do to help me succeed. Even then, sometimes I still fail. It's a constant learning process.

I want this to be an encouraging message. I believe you have the passion and ability to be extremely good at fishkeeping. You've already done so much work and you're already a good fishkeeper in that you care about your fish as more than decorations and that you've taken the time to do your research about the species you keep. Now, focus your energy on learning maintenance. When you have those skills, then I'd be very happy to talk about plans for that 10L :)
I'm trying my best, but I wasn't daydreaming. I understand your advice.
 

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