Tips for dealing with stress?

[Colin_T]

Thankyou for this Colin

I’m trying to do more exercise and walk my dogs more (2 dogs) and doing cycling in the house. I can’t leave the house loads because I need to care for Amy

Exercise would benefit Amy too so if she is up to it, stick her on the bike for a few minutes each day or get her to go for a walk with you.

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Other things you can try include Lego. I know it sounds childish but building something out of blocks can help clear your head for an hour or so and you can build whatever you like and then build something else next time.

I have a trainset/s in storage and would love to set them up but don't have room here. But train or racing sets can be big boys toys too. It takes time to set them up so you think about that rather than what is stressing you out.

Pop sticks can be used to make things and that can help clear your head. They don't cost much and you simply add a bit of wood or super glue and make something silly or useful. Origami is another thing you can try.

 

[AmyKieran]

Exercise would benefit Amy too so if she is up to it, stick her on the bike for a few minutes each day or get her to go for a walk with you.

--------------------
Other things you can try include Lego. I know it sounds childish but building something out of blocks can help clear your head for an hour or so and you can build whatever you like and then build something else next time.

I have a trainset/s in storage and would love to set them up but don't have room here. But train or racing sets can be big boys toys too. It takes time to set them up so you think about that rather than what is stressing you out.

Pop sticks can be used to make things and that can help clear your head. They don't cost much and you simply add a bit of wood or super glue and make something silly or useful. Origami is another thing you can try.

Amy can’t do much exercise at all because of her heart and lung. She gets out of breath walking up the stairs lol

 

[GaryE]

It sounds like your life is not unlike mine, only what's happening to me in my 60s is your experience in your late 20s. Still, we're both human so maybe we can help each other.

I'm just now adjusting to being able to go do things on my own, as my wife's cancer is in remission. The after effects are still very strong - I get what you said there. It isn't easy, because most stress management strategies that would work for me involve travel, and I am not doing that. I stick around because I'm often needed.

I cope with stress by seeking activity. Since I need to stay around home, much of that is mental. I need to become engaged in things, even mindless things. They're vacations from the day to day. Having a lot of fishtanks and engaging in the detailed, busy world of breeding killifish is great escapism. It won't change the world, but it will put me into tiny situations where if I don't figure things out, they won't work. They make me "do", with a flexible schedule and a lot of puzzles to solve. I have a friend recovering from breast cancer who uses gardens and houseplants in exactly the same way.

I have other relatively mindless activities - a weakness for watching baseball or hockey - I used to play and coach, but now I quietly over analyze them. I have an old dog who keeps me busy, and I walk as much as I can - moving to a new environment close to the ocean has been a great thing. We can sit and worry, especially when we have a lot to worry about. When I go for a walk, I try to break any thought patterns that would have me brooding on the negatives. I'm not an optimist, but these things don't have to be extremes. I try to cultivate my inner dog, and get as immersed in the environment as my lousy human nose will let me.

I have a murder of crows in my yard who are training me, and I enjoy trying to figure out their social dynamics. Air fish. I watch air fish now too!

This may sound harsh, but I have learned that for me, stress is a control problem in many situations. I have no control over events around me - if I did the world would be a different place! If I seek to control my world, it's a guaranteed stress situation because I will fail. I live in a web of other peoples' lives, decisions and health, as well as my own. For a long time, "me time" was stolen time, and even something like fishforums was a good thing when I was on duty and ready to respond, but when things were quiet between 'calls'.

My fascination with the natural world has been a great help. I read a lot, keep learning a lot and looking for things to engage my mind that are not related to cancer or chemo/surgery/etc side effects.

In your situation (since you sought advice....) be careful if you catch yourself reading suggestions and finding lists of reasons why they won't work. Don't undermine your energy. If someone else's idea doesn't work, just nod and move on. Find something that does. You, and Amy are in a rotten situation, and I'm not suggesting downplaying it. It sounds like you really love her, and that is a huge source of possibilities. The rules have changed though.

PM me if I can be of any use.

 

[Valkyrie_Lips]

I'm really sorry that's happening. When I was younger my mom had cancer which she fought for 6 years. I'll never forget it, it turns your world and theirs upside down.

I'm not sure if you like nature or hiking, but I find being in nature always brings me peace. The fresh air and sun is really good for your mental health too. I personally think that one of the best ways to reduce stress is to redirect that energy into something healthy like exercise. It doesn't have to be intense exercise either. The key is to find something you enjoy doing. That could be hiking, weight lifting, yoga, running, walking, calisthenics etc. Even just stretching can help.

I think beyond exercise prioritizing self-care can help with overall stress levels. The better you are at taking care of yourself the stronger you can be for those around you. That can look different for everyone, but I would just try to evaluate which areas you may not pay much attention to or routinely neglect. For example, nutrition, sleep, activities that bring you joy, or if you're a creative person then maybe some kind of creative outlet.

Lastly, mindful meditation has been shown to be highly beneficial in reducing symptoms of anxiety and stress. It might not be everyone's cup of tea but there has been plenty of research done to prove it's efficacy in stress reduction.

 

[AdoraBelle Dearheart]

I wasn't aware, I'm so so sorry for everything you and Amy are going through. It seems especially unfair when you're so young.

The others have already shared all the stress-reducing advice I would have, so I can't help there, I just wanted to share my condolences. I hope you both find things that relieve stress, and bring you joy.

 

[AmyKieran]

It sounds like your life is not unlike mine, only what's happening to me in my 60s is your experience in your late 20s. Still, we're both human so maybe we can help each other.

I'm just now adjusting to being able to go do things on my own, as my wife's cancer is in remission. The after effects are still very strong - I get what you said there. It isn't easy, because most stress management strategies that would work for me involve travel, and I am not doing that. I stick around because I'm often needed.

I cope with stress by seeking activity. Since I need to stay around home, much of that is mental. I need to become engaged in things, even mindless things. They're vacations from the day to day. Having a lot of fishtanks and engaging in the detailed, busy world of breeding killifish is great escapism. It won't change the world, but it will put me into tiny situations where if I don't figure things out, they won't work. They make me "do", with a flexible schedule and a lot of puzzles to solve. I have a friend recovering from breast cancer who uses gardens and houseplants in exactly the same way.

I have other relatively mindless activities - a weakness for watching baseball or hockey - I used to play and coach, but now I quietly over analyze them. I have an old dog who keeps me busy, and I walk as much as I can - moving to a new environment close to the ocean has been a great thing. We can sit and worry, especially when we have a lot to worry about. When I go for a walk, I try to break any thought patterns that would have me brooding on the negatives. I'm not an optimist, but these things don't have to be extremes. I try to cultivate my inner dog, and get as immersed in the environment as my lousy human nose will let me.

I have a murder of crows in my yard who are training me, and I enjoy trying to figure out their social dynamics. Air fish. I watch air fish now too!

This may sound harsh, but I have learned that for me, stress is a control problem in many situations. I have no control over events around me - if I did the world would be a different place! If I seek to control my world, it's a guaranteed stress situation because I will fail. I live in a web of other peoples' lives, decisions and health, as well as my own. For a long time, "me time" was stolen time, and even something like fishforums was a good thing when I was on duty and ready to respond, but when things were quiet between 'calls'.

My fascination with the natural world has been a great help. I read a lot, keep learning a lot and looking for things to engage my mind that are not related to cancer or chemo/surgery/etc side effects.

In your situation (since you sought advice....) be careful if you catch yourself reading suggestions and finding lists of reasons why they won't work. Don't undermine your energy. If someone else's idea doesn't work, just nod and move on. Find something that does. You, and Amy are in a rotten situation, and I'm not suggesting downplaying it. It sounds like you really love her, and that is a huge source of possibilities. The rules have changed though.

PM me if I can be of any use.

Thankyou for this yeah it’s difficult to find hobbies or distractions that also suit the needs of care. I love watching cricket so that’s similar in us too. I love my fish, even though I’m still learning and relatively new they keep my busy and distracted from reality

 

[AmyKieran]

I'm really sorry that's happening. When I was younger my mom had cancer which she fought for 6 years. I'll never forget it, it turns your world and theirs upside down.

I'm not sure if you like nature or hiking, but I find being in nature always brings me peace. The fresh air and sun is really good for your mental health too. I personally think that one of the best ways to reduce stress is to redirect that energy into something healthy like exercise. It doesn't have to be intense exercise either. The key is to find something you enjoy doing. That could be hiking, weight lifting, yoga, running, walking, calisthenics etc. Even just stretching can help.

I think beyond exercise prioritizing self-care can help with overall stress levels. The better you are at taking care of yourself the stronger you can be for those around you. That can look different for everyone, but I would just try to evaluate which areas you may not pay much attention to or routinely neglect. For example, nutrition, sleep, activities that bring you joy, or if you're a creative person then maybe some kind of creative outlet.

Lastly, mindful meditation has been shown to be highly beneficial in reducing symptoms of anxiety and stress. It might not be everyone's cup of tea but there has been plenty of research done to prove it's efficacy in stress reduction.

I would absolutely love to go out on long walks and in nature but the problem then is leaving amy in for long periods which isn’t great. I’ve tried meditation and just felt silly haha maybe I’ll try again

 

[AmyKieran]

I wasn't aware, I'm so so sorry for everything you and Amy are going through. It seems especially unfair when you're so young.

The others have already shared all the stress-reducing advice I would have, so I can't help there, I just wanted to share my condolences. I hope you both find things that relieve stress, and bring you joy.

Thankyou

 

[AdoraBelle Dearheart]

Thankyou for this yeah it’s difficult to find hobbies or distractions that also suit the needs of care. I love watching cricket so that’s similar in us too. I love my fish, even though I’m still learning and relatively new they keep my busy and distracted from reality

You have a back garden, yes? If you can't get out to take the dogs on long walks, you can do exercises in the back garden that will burn some of their energy off, and give you some fun together that helps relieve stress. Look for something called a "flirt pole" on Amazon. Obviously, be careful about how much exercise you get them to do in the heat, I use this and other garden games early in the morning or late evening when the weather is this hot.

Or, teach the dogs a few tricks! You can do this at home, there are lots of tricks they can learn (at any age!) and if you do it in secret, you can surprise Amy by showing off the new trick they've learned and bring a smile to her face

 

[AmyKieran]

You have a back garden, yes? If you can't get out to take the dogs on long walks, you can do exercises in the back garden that will burn some of their energy off, and give you some fun together that helps relieve stress. Look for something called a "flirt pole" on Amazon. Obviously, be careful about how much exercise you get them to do in the heat, I use this and other garden games early in the morning or late evening when the weather is this hot.

Or, teach the dogs a few tricks! You can do this at home, there are lots of tricks they can learn (at any age!) and if you do it in secret, you can surprise Amy by showing off the new trick they've learned and bring a smile to her face

Haha if you hadn’t already given a basic description about what it was about, I would have thought a ‘flirt pole’ would be very very different lol

 

[AdoraBelle Dearheart]

Haha if you hadn’t already given a basic description about what it was about, I would have thought a ‘flirt pole’ would be very very different lol

I have often thought it was poorly named, but haven't thought up a better name for one either! It involves teasing the dog with a toy on a stick to make them chase it, but a "tease pole", if anything, sounds even worse!

 

[AmyKieran]

I have often thought it was poorly named, but haven't thought up a better name for one either! It involves teasing the dog with a toy on a stick to make them chase it, but a "tease pole", if anything, sounds even worse!

Yeah a tease pole doesn’t sound great either

 

[GaryE]

I'm not sure 'distracted from reality' is the way to go. Maybe focussed on several different aspects of reality is better.
While all this $%$%# is going down, there are still great things out there that you can grab a few minutes for. I never watched TV or video. But I discovered you guys had an old show called Time Team and I watched every episode during the worst period. I learned a lot about archaeology from that new interest, and I was able to stick close (no Romans in my yard over here) while doing it. I like to read popular science books I don't understand, because by the end of the process, I do understand them. Again, done in the armchair across the hall.
It's conscious. It's a series of decisions.

Messing with flirt poles? I dunno about that one.

 

[AmyKieran]

I'm not sure 'distracted from reality' is the way to go. Maybe focussed on several different aspects of reality is better.
While all this $%$%# is going down, there are still great things out there that you can grab a few minutes for. I never watched TV or video. But I discovered you guys had an old show called Time Team and I watched every episode during the worst period. I learned a lot about archaeology from that new interest, and I was able to stick close (no Romans in my yard over here) while doing it. I like to read popular science books I don't understand, because by the end of the process, I do understand them. Again, done in the armchair across the hall.
It's conscious. It's a series of decisions.

Messing with flirt poles? I dunno about that one.

Yeah

My wife’s coming into the garden

‘Kieran what are you doing?’

‘Oh just playing with my flirting pole’

 

[Woodlol]

I find the lofi music to chill to on youtube is great because it's always on, and the visuals are soothing.
Listening to that and working on a small project (painting, quilting, etc) helps me chill after taking care of my baby all day.
I'm so sorry you and your wife are going through so much