Terminal Bone Cancer!

[woody88]

hello,

I've just found out today that my mother has got bone cancer and it's in the final stages.
My mother has been I'll for quite some time. She had her oesophagus removed 2 years ago due to the doctors finding a lump. The op was successful and after further tests, showed she was in the clear.
About 2 months ago she started having breathing difficulties and was losing weight fast.
She has been in hospital now for 2 weeks and is now very weak and frail. After loads of tests the doctors have confirmed that she has bone cancer and there isn't anything they can do.
The projected time scale is only a matter of weeks at the most so they say.
How could the doctors have missed this?
Surely if it's terminal, they could have tested for this months ago and acted sooner.
I'm still trying to come to terms with this and I'm in complete and utter shock!

Has anyone else experienced going through what I'm going through as I just don't know what to do, what I should or shouldn't be doing, what to expect etc.

Help!..... I don't know anyone that has lost a loved one to this killer disease that I can talk to!

 

[sorgan]

woody mate i am so sorry to here that fella, my nan had the same thing happen, she was unwell and went to the doctors to be told she was riddled with cancer. she died shortly after. sometimes the signs that say you are unwell are the last stage and unfortantly in medicine there are still things they cannot do.
there are no words really that i can put down to comfort and aid you but please be aware that if you need any support us salties are always here, if you feel like you need a chat just send me a PM (i am sure the rest of us salties will do the same)

chin up fella

 

[Ps3Steveo]

Sorry to hear that fella, I lost my Grandad to cancer, had treatment, everything looks fine only to find out a few years later he was riddled with it and had days left, I was gutted, he passed a few hours before I got to see him to say goodbye. There's loads of help out there tho so dont give up if you cant get the help you need straight away.

 

[Littlemonkey]

My Thoughts go out to you and your Family. I have lost my Father (not to Cancer but it was sudden) My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer last year and went through xmas, having treatment. So I know what you are going through. I hope you find great support, there is a great deal out there. Don't feel bad about letting go, shouting, screaming and crying. I tried to stay strong and found it to be encredibly tiring. I wish I had a magic wand, but all I can offer is A BIG HUG by thought.

 

[woody88]

Thanks for the support and your thoughts guys.
It's very much appreciated.

Unfortunately, I'm now getting over the shock and coming to terms at what is actually going to happen and it's much worse.

The hospital said that she might be able to come home the weekend as there's not alot they can do but I spoke to my mom earlier and it's hit hard aswell as you can imagine and I'm worried it's only going to speed up the process as I've read that giving in to it only contributes to it.

I had the heart wrenching job of telling my 5 old boy earlier as he loves his nan to bits so I want to get him up to the hospital to see her as soon ad poss just in case.
Hopefully my mom seeing him will perk her up a bit.
My wife is expecting our second which is due in November and I prey that, somehow, my mom could see him/her. Especially as my wife miscarried last year which my mom and dad were absolutely gutted over as well as me and my wife.

 

[Baccus]

Sorry to hear your bad news, an uncle of mine recently got diagnosed with cancer, apparently he was riddled with it. My parents only had enough time to make a flying visit to see him in hospital (and even then he was barely concious), and he died the second day that my parents where there. So far I have not lost any close (in relationship) humans to such incedious diseases although I have lost pets to similar illnesses. My husband 3 years ago now surived a bleeding anurysm caused by an AVM, and although I didn't/ haven't made a big fuss about it he was literally on deaths door. His sudden illness (that no one had anyway of knowing about without extensive tests) came as a shocking blow, and now his sister has just been diagnosed with an AVM as well and is currently awaiting further tests so doctors can decide on any possible treatments, if any.

Any way while my heart goes out to you, I can offer this simple advise do what ever feels right for you, if you feel you can cope with being with your mother 24/7 throughout her illness then do, if you feel you need time out for yourself then also do that. There are no rules to dealing with greif (and even now you are greiving in a sense, coming to terms with the final outcome), and above all else don't feel guilty about how you behave. Make time to talk to your mother about things that are important to both of you, and even in the depths of sadness and asking "WHY?" remember to laugh, tell a joke regale happy times and most of all try to enjoy the good times you have left rather than dwell on what has been or will be taken. That way when your mother does slip away hopefully you will not be haunted by all the things you should have said, but will have some pleasant memoeries during the time of sadness. Tears just like laughter are healing and you will need time to heal as well.

Thoughts and best wishes

 

[seffieuk]

Oh Woody, there are no words that I can say that would help - just be yourself and spend as much time with her as you can. Share memories with her, talk........people are scared to talk with people who are so ill, in case they get upset, when in fact the opposit is true, they want to talk, they want to cry but they also want to know that they will always be in your heart. Start a scrap book of memories for your children, tell her what you are doing, build the book together. Most of all treasure the time you have, its ok to be scared and not know what to do, all she will really want is you to be there

Take care my friend, us salties will always be around for a chat, as Sorgan said, just pm if you want to talk

Seffie x

 

[njstockley]

Oh Woody, there are no words that I can say that would help - just be yourself and spend as much time with her as you can. Share memories with her, talk........people are scared to talk with people who are so ill, in case they get upset, when in fact the opposit is true, they want to talk, they want to cry but they also want to know that they will always be in your heart. Start a scrap book of memories for your children, tell her what you are doing, build the book together. Most of all treasure the time you have, its ok to be scared and not know what to do, all she will really want is you to be there

Take care my friend, us salties will always be around for a chat, as Sorgan said, just pm if you want to talk

Seffie x

i think this might be one of the most poignant posts that ive seen on this forum. i lost my father when i was 19 (4 years ago) and there is nothing that would have made me happier than talking with him about memories that i am my siblings shared with him. since ive made a scrap book, but i always think that sharing these memories in his last days would have made "the end" really special. its very at this phase to mourn, but i think celebration makes for a more appropriate goodbye. obviously its different for everyone, but dont regret at this stage...make sure you make the most of this.
nick

 

[HappyGeorge]

I'm so sorry to hear your news mate and sorry I missed posting a reply sooner. If you need to talk mate you can pm, but I'm sure you won't be on here much. I think Seffies suggestions are the way forward Woody. I'm sure you will make the most of your time and remember to take a few moments out to recharge and vent your emotions. As previously mentioned you have to be strong for too long will bring you to your knees, I tried it during my cancer scare and surgery and my wifes subsequent spinal surgery and it took me months to get my head straight. At the moment your Mum is the most important person obviously but I would take it upon yourself to think equally about your Dad as he will be having a pretty tough time of it.

 

[woody88]

Thanks for the support guys.

I'm afraid to say that I lost my mother in the early hours of tues morning. She passed in her sleep and suffered no pain whatsoever. Even when she was awake she never had any pain which is strange for this type of disease from what I've read.

We were told it was lung cancer as my mother was short of breath and has been for the past 4 years.
My dad, myself and my uncle however believe it WASN'T the cancer that took her but in fact IPF (idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis) as her symptoms matched this exactly.
Ironically there was a full page article on this new killer disease on page 43 of the daily mail on the day my mother passed.

After doing a bit of research this disease is rare but is fast becoming more common.
There is NO cure and it cannot be controlled by any medication. The life expectancy of this disease from an early diagnoses is 3 years.

The main symptom at first is being short of breath which gradually becomes more frequent too the point that simply standing up from a seated position can make you gasp for air.

This disease is baffling doctors around the world as it's source/cause is unknown.
If you or anyone you know becomes short of breath occasionally then see a GOOD GP and mention IPF.

It CAN be diagnosed from a CT scan (shows up as a shadow on the bottom of lungs) and there are apparently some drugs which reduce it's growth.

The disease is basically your own immune system thinking your lungs are a foreign body and attacking them.

Sorry if I have scared anyone that does have breathing difficulties as they're could be many possibilities. Over weight, lack of exercise, asthma etc but it is worth mentioning this to a doctor so you can be tested for it.

Thanks for all your support guys.

 

[MrLiam]

Sorry to hear the sad news Woody hope your okay.

 

[dipsydoodlenoodle]

I'm so sorry to hear your news and I hope you and your family are ok.

My friend recently lost his dad to cancer; he'd went last October saying he was getting full up quickly after eating; they gave him industrial strength gaviscon stuff. Middle of March he went for a camera at the hospital and they dignosed him with terminal cancer, he'd just turned 60 as well.

 

[seffieuk]

Take care of yourself at this very difficult time me old mucker

Seffie x

 

[woody88]

I'm so sorry to hear your news and I hope you and your family are ok.

My friend recently lost his dad to cancer; he'd went last October saying he was getting full up quickly after eating; they gave him industrial strength gaviscon stuff. Middle of March he went for a camera at the hospital and they dignosed him with terminal cancer, he'd just turned 60 as well.

My dad is 60 today. My mom had a trip to Ireland planned for him as he's always wanted to go there but now he's said he'll never go because he couldn't.
As you can imagine my dad is an absolute mess today and wanted to be on his own.
Luckily I managed to sneak a birthday card to my mom to write in a couple of days before she passed. She wrote a little message to him which made him fill up obviously.
He broke down as soon as he saw her handwriting on the envolope which is understandable. I've now had to take over the funeral arrangements which is an honour to do it for my mom and dad.

Thanks for all your support and kind words guys.

Cheers Stewart

 

[Funkoid]

Sorry to hear of your loss