Socio-economics - with cows...
SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRACY
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away...
CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.
SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons
AMERICA
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.
ENRON
You have two cows.
You sell three of them.
FRANCE
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.
JAPAN
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide
GERMANY
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
ITALY
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.
RUSSIA
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
SWITZERLAND
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.
CHINA
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
INDIA
You have two cows.
You worship them.
BRITAIN
You have two cows.
One is mad, the other has Foot-and-Mouth.
IRAQ
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb you.
You still have no cows.
AUSTRALIA
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go to the pub for a few beers to celebrate.
NEW ZEALAND
You have two sheep.
The one on the left looks very attractive.
GREECE
You have two cows.
You borrow against the cows from the Germans
You kill the cows and make souvlaki
You can’t pay the interest so the Germans lend you more money
You can’t pay the interest so the Germans lend you more money
You can’t pay the interest so the Germans lend you more money
You can’t pay the interest so the Germans lend you more money .....
SCOTLAND
You have two cows.
You enjoy a healthy income from them.
When they fall sick, you demand the village pay the massive vet bill to stop you going bankrupt.
When they recover, you refuse to pay the village back claiming they were only using money they stole from you, or that there was never any vet bill and you don't know what they are talking about.
You complain endlessly how cruel the rest of the village is to you and how life would be better if they left you alone.
FINANCIAL MARKETS
Someone else has two cows.
They sell the milk.
You trade in milk futures.
That isn't profitable enough, so you bet on changes in milk futures.
You don't always win, so sell short. You win, everyone else loses.
SUPERMARKETS
You have two cows.
You invest in milking equipment and sell milk.
The buyers of the milk refuse to pay what it costs to produce milk.
Your farm can't survive, you shoot yourself.
SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRACY
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away...
CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.
SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons
AMERICA
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.
ENRON
You have two cows.
You sell three of them.
FRANCE
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.
JAPAN
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide
GERMANY
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
ITALY
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.
RUSSIA
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
SWITZERLAND
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.
CHINA
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
INDIA
You have two cows.
You worship them.
BRITAIN
You have two cows.
One is mad, the other has Foot-and-Mouth.
IRAQ
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb you.
You still have no cows.
AUSTRALIA
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go to the pub for a few beers to celebrate.
NEW ZEALAND
You have two sheep.
The one on the left looks very attractive.
GREECE
You have two cows.
You borrow against the cows from the Germans
You kill the cows and make souvlaki
You can’t pay the interest so the Germans lend you more money
You can’t pay the interest so the Germans lend you more money
You can’t pay the interest so the Germans lend you more money
You can’t pay the interest so the Germans lend you more money .....
SCOTLAND
You have two cows.
You enjoy a healthy income from them.
When they fall sick, you demand the village pay the massive vet bill to stop you going bankrupt.
When they recover, you refuse to pay the village back claiming they were only using money they stole from you, or that there was never any vet bill and you don't know what they are talking about.
You complain endlessly how cruel the rest of the village is to you and how life would be better if they left you alone.
FINANCIAL MARKETS
Someone else has two cows.
They sell the milk.
You trade in milk futures.
That isn't profitable enough, so you bet on changes in milk futures.
You don't always win, so sell short. You win, everyone else loses.
SUPERMARKETS
You have two cows.
You invest in milking equipment and sell milk.
The buyers of the milk refuse to pay what it costs to produce milk.
Your farm can't survive, you shoot yourself.
