Psychology to allow for MTS

[GaryE]

As a recent retiree, I'll be serious here. My wife and I both worked, and raised a family. Our lives were planning, improvising and scrambling. Then our kids grew up, and we are now retired. Our friends have often followed similar paths.

I've noticed a few things.

People get territorial about their houses, since their houses become way more important in their lifestyle. I know people who take their old work energy and channel it into house interiors. Being comfortable in your space can become weirdly (to me) important. You have to respect that. Maybe, when spouses don't get our hobby, they fear.... encroachment. Admit it, we can fill every space in a house with this pastime.

Is there a wall you could negotiate for? A spare bedroom, a basement room, etc? A place where you could build some multilevel racks, have your tank set up neatly in one place and not all over the home?

 

[TwoTankAmin]

Let's not rule out this, at least in the States. The odds are in your favor for the objection to a new tank could go away for other reasons

What Percent of Marriages End in Divorce?
According to the American Psychological Association, approximately 40-50% of first marriages end in divorce. The divorce rate for second marriages is even higher, with approximately 60-67% of second marriages ending in divorce.

from https://www.petrellilaw.com/divorce-statistics-for-2022/

 

[MuddyWaters]

UPDATE:

TRIUMPH!!!!​

I heard the word "yes" come out of my wife's mouth- specifically in reference to me getting a new 29 gallon tank from Petco (50% off sale this week). I will admit, I used every manipulatory trick I could think of within the boundaries of decency....ok LOOSELY within the boundaries of decency- and it worked!

Within 2 minutes of her saying it I had already purchased it online for pickup today. It's snug as a bug in a rug in the basement.

We are not agreed on where to put it yet, mostly because she doesn't like any of the places I have suggested ("in the trash" would be her favorite), but that's an easier hurdle to get across.

So, I'm going to start a journal. I have no idea what I want to do with it. I was thinking I would do a saltwater tank...and that would be interesting....but there are so many freshwater fish I have yet to experience, and so many plants I haven't tried....hard to leave the comfort of the tried and true.

I told her that I am going to build my own stand. That went over like a lead balloon. "Oh no, that will be UGLY!" LOL Such trust in my carpentry skills..... Truthfully, she has every reason to be terrified of what it will look like, but I'm still going to look into it. I know I can build it with 2x4s and make it solid- then I should be able to put some veneer of some sort to make it look like a cabinet and get some kind of table-top for it? We'll see.

Anyway- YAY! My book, From No to Yes and Live to Tell About It will be on bookshelves near you soon

 

[MuddyWaters]

As a recent retiree, I'll be serious here. My wife and I both worked, and raised a family. Our lives were planning, improvising and scrambling. Then our kids grew up, and we are now retired. Our friends have often followed similar paths.

I've noticed a few things.

People get territorial about their houses, since their houses become way more important in their lifestyle. I know people who take their old work energy and channel it into house interiors. Being comfortable in your space can become weirdly (to me) important. You have to respect that. Maybe, when spouses don't get our hobby, they fear.... encroachment. Admit it, we can fill every space in a house with this pastime.

Is there a wall you could negotiate for? A spare bedroom, a basement room, etc? A place where you could build some multilevel racks, have your tank set up neatly in one place and not all over the home?

I'm being facetious, but I do respect her worry about all this and I was not going to push that hard. I was pretty surprised when she told me she thought it was ok for me to do it. I don't think I will get more than this. We down-sized with the idea that we would have less stuff laying around. For the most part we have stuck to that. I'm getting a nook in the office downstairs where I can tuck this tank in- it's not going to be front and center like the 75 gallon. I doubt I'll try for another after this one. Honestly I'm grateful for her patience. There is a benefit for her- keeps me occupied and out of trouble

 

[GaryE]

We fish nerds can be hard to live with!

My wife shrugs, and says it's better than booze, drugs or religion, so I do okay with her definition of vices. I don't smoke either.

But it is more than cost involved - it's space.

 

[Back in the fold]

Do what I do . Be sneaky . She never goes in my fish room anyway so she doesn’t know what I have in there . I get stuff and bring it home , hide it outside and sneak it in when she isn’t looking . Water change day is the best time to set up a new aquarium because she expects me to be messing around with water anyway . @GaryE is right about not having the sins of smoking , drinking , gambling and chasing women and being a religious nut . All that not being a problem should give a guy free rein to do just about anything as long as you’re a decent sort to begin with . (Which I am )

 

[GaryE]

So build the rack at two levels, so it could theoretically hold 2 tanks even though you built the higher level to, uhh, hold house plants.

Play the long game....

 

[Oldspartan]

I am a lucky fella. In 50 plus years I have only once in memory been told an emphatic no. That had to do with raising annual veal calf’s. When Linda learned we were basically taking a healthy animal and making it sick veal was no longer allowed despite my justifications. That was many years ago.

Of course our interests are tightly in tune without trying. Big decisions like turning the dining room into a fish room is a good example. We are just normally on the same page and the work has a natural division based on interest and talent.

The secret sauce? At least for us is a combination of co-joined interests peppered with individual time for self pursuits, Linda with animals, me with wood.

 

[CaptainBarnicles]

I'm also very fortunate that I'm the Mrs Mr Barnicles is very laid back thankfully and is accepting of my hobby...(not that he has a choice) he appreciates the work that goes into it and likes to look at the end product but wouldn't dream of sticking his hands in the water. The deal is if I look after it, budget well and don't expect him to do anything other than heavy lifting etc then he's fine with it...fortunately for him, I'm poor, tired and know my limitations...so the one main tank is all he has to put up with....for now (muahahahahahaaaaa!)

Does Mrs MuddyWaters have any interest in the hobby? If so, perhaps suggest she gets involved with picking out some fish she likes or help design an aquascape for the new tank?

 

[Aqua67]

I am trying to avoid having 63 shrimp in my 2.5 gallon aquarium so I was looking online for options. I went to the pet store the other day and was even looking at those cheap plastic critter keeper containers, figuring i could at least observe new shrimp there before adding them to one of my shrimp tanks. Then I thought, let’s check FB Marketplace and some other places to see if anyone is selling a small tank for cheap. The critter keeper was almost $17, and I found a 3 gal rimless cube tank with light, filter and heater for $20. So I sent them a message and he said, come take it off my hands for FREE. Oh, geez, how could I possibly pass that up? Here I go bringing home tank #6. I also live in a small house, downsized from our last place. I had nowhere to put another tank. Looking around…..ah, who needs this lamp in the library? Fish tanks provide light too you know. Goodbye lamp. So far, so good, spouse hasn’t noticed. I leave the tank light off until I’m alone in the house so as not to draw attention to that location. It is inevitable that it will be discovered and I’m kind of dreading it…..but it was FREE. <grin>

 

[MuddyWaters]

I'm also very fortunate that I'm the Mrs Mr Barnicles is very laid back thankfully and is accepting of my hobby...(not that he has a choice) he appreciates the work that goes into it and likes to look at the end product but wouldn't dream of sticking his hands in the water. The deal is if I look after it, budget well and don't expect him to do anything other than heavy lifting etc then he's fine with it...fortunately for him, I'm poor, tired and know my limitations...so the one main tank is all he has to put up with....for now (muahahahahahaaaaa!)

Does Mrs MuddyWaters have any interest in the hobby? If so, perhaps suggest she gets involved with picking out some fish she likes or help design an aquascape for the new tank?

She, like Mr. Barnacles, enjoys the end product. The 2 tanks I have now are in the dining room (15 gal) and in the living room (75 gal), so a big part of having those was promising I'd make them pretty.

If we still lived in our house, I'd have carte blanche to put them all over, but in our townhouse, space is limited. I could find plenty of room for lots of tanks, but I think 3 will be as far as it goes because what I consider a good spot for a tank is any flat surface- doesn't jive with her vision of things. I may have setups to breed or a quarantine tank, but anything like that will be temporary.

 

[GaryE]

My wife to be liked the tank I had when we met. And she encouraged me to get what I thought was a huge 35 gallon. And then in our first apartment the third aquarium was okay. I learned how much tolerance she had. A spare room got me to 5 tanks.
Kids came along, and I knew living the late night poet's life was done for, and that I'd be in the house being a Dad above all. My tanks were banished to the cellar, which was fine. The fish room grew. After a few years, I got a second job writing about aquariums, and everything was a tax deduction. Business expenses! Whoo hoo.
The rest, as they say, is my story.
When I bought my 6 foot tank, she said if it leaked, she'd kill me and use it as my coffin, even if she had to cut my feet off to make me fit. Tolerance. That's what makes a marriage last.

 

[MuddyWaters]

When I bought my 6 foot tank, she said if it leaked, she'd kill me and use it as my coffin, even if she had to cut my feet off to make me fit. Tolerance. That's what makes a marriage last.

ROFL!!

 

[MuddyWaters]

I am trying to avoid having 63 shrimp in my 2.5 gallon aquarium so I was looking online for options. I went to the pet store the other day and was even looking at those cheap plastic critter keeper containers, figuring i could at least observe new shrimp there before adding them to one of my shrimp tanks. Then I thought, let’s check FB Marketplace and some other places to see if anyone is selling a small tank for cheap. The critter keeper was almost $17, and I found a 3 gal rimless cube tank with light, filter and heater for $20. So I sent them a message and he said, come take it off my hands for FREE. Oh, geez, how could I possibly pass that up? Here I go bringing home tank #6. I also live in a small house, downsized from our last place. I had nowhere to put another tank. Looking around…..ah, who needs this lamp in the library? Fish tanks provide light too you know. Goodbye lamp. So far, so good, spouse hasn’t noticed. I leave the tank light off until I’m alone in the house so as not to draw attention to that location. It is inevitable that it will be discovered and I’m kind of dreading it…..but it was FREE. <grin>

Aqua67, Great minds think alike!!

 

[BeckyCats]

It's so odd that animal-people don't get together. There always seems to be one person in each couple that has to be talked-into getting animals. My husband tries to put the breaks on me and the kids but he's a softer-sell than he likes to think he is. He talks tough and swears "no more animals!" and before you know it, we have another animal. Right now, in addition to fish, we have a cat, dog, bearded dragon, and as of tomorrow, we'll have pet mice. I think my poor husband at this point is probably looking back fondly at the days when all I had was MTS.