"proper" Attachment.

[soritan]

You know, sometimes I wish it wasn't so improper to actually grieve for a fish. I don't know anyone who keeps fish the same way I do, everyone else I know treats them as ornaments, as a frivolity. It makes it next to impossible to look at someone and say, "My fish died."

That's the general consensus about all animals, though. "My pet is sick," "my pet died."

There's this expectation pushed upon you to just shrug it off and move on, and not spend a moment's time thinking of their passing.

Eh, it's probably just another "weird fish thing," I have.

I don't bond with the fish, as I would my cat. But I do bond on some level, that creates an absence when they pass.

It's a shame that can't be acknowledged a little bit, you know?

 

[Synirr]

I don't know anyone who keeps fish the same way I do, everyone else I know treats them as ornaments, as a frivolity.

Everyone else? You're on a fish forum... I'm sure many of us here know how you feel, myself included. I'm very sorry for your loss

 

[yvez9]

i do tend to get attached to fish after some time. I haven't lost any fish i've kept for a year or so. most fish deaths occured within 2 weeks of there purchase. it would greatly sadden me to lose a fish i've kept for over a year. you do get attached to them whatever people say!

 

[Angry_Platy]

I cry when my fish die.....even the new ones....I just feel bad that I couldn't help them

 

[soritan]

I refuse to tell my employer that my fish died in a large tank. She still maintains that a tiny vase with a peace lilly is 'betta heaven.' I'll tell her they're poor swimmers, and caution her up and down, but I refuse to tell her I lost a betta in a large tank -- any small amount of affirmation that bettas hate/don't need tanks larger than a 1/2 gallon size is to be totally avoided.

I'm watching my frogs. They're really active, now. I'm trying to enjoy their antics, and it does help a bit.

It's hard to think that my betta is lost, though. I feel a right fine fool for missing him, and even more foolish when I look at my remaining betta and think of his life without simuli.

I didn't really mean the folks here, on the forum. I meant the folks I know IRL, who brush off non-mammel pets as a 'non issue', when they pass, or do anything of interest. It's just as frustrating when they do something 'cute', you can't share that, either.

It's really gotten to the point where I refuse to tell people I keep fish at all.

I hate to see their reaction. Makes me twitch.

 

[chishnfips]

I would feel upset if my pleco died, since I have had since it was very tiny, and now he is huuuuge.

I think if you raise a fish like that then you do get attached to them.

 

[Soaup]

I get upset whenever i lose a fish who i have had sucessfully for any amount of time, I was almost in tears when i lost an african of mine ive had for about 4 years. I dont get upset when i lose a new fish straight out of the petstore. I think the worst feeling is when you try to save a fish only to have it die.

 

[Bloo]

I like my fish a lot - but to be honest I have never ever "grieved" or been upset in the way that a dog or cat has affected me. It probably has to do with the larger and closer interaction, affection etc.

 

[rdd1952]

I hate losing fish but since I only started with fish in December of last year, I obviously haven't had a fish for a year yet. It does bother me to lose one since I feel like I have let them down so to speak. I don't know that I would ever cry over losing a fish (I'm a 53 year old man - my wife has cried when one of our bettas jumped out while we were at work and we found him dead on the floor when we came home) but I do know that if something happened to our dog, my wife and I would both be devastated. There would definitely be tears shed by both of us. I think we develop a much deeper feeling for our mammal pets that we can hold, rub, pet and cuddle.

 

[laurasmithuk]

i spen do much time looking after/watching my fish..... i love them all like anything else.

im quite sensitive though hate people mistreating fish

 

[RandomWiktor]

I understand how you feel. I've had so many people look at me like I have 3 heads when they find out I'm crying because my fish died. I can only hope that some day, soceity's attitudes will change towards fish. They are, after all, vertebrates capable of feeling pain, and more and more studies suggest that they have primitive "emotions" like fear. They may be simple animals, but it doesn't mean their individual lives aren't precious.

 

[Nickoli]

I know I am new here, and I don't mean to try to insult anyone or hurt anyone's feelings at all.

To me, they are just fish. I have been a little upset when a fish died, but on the same level if I lost a screwdriver or allen wrench. Yes they are living organisms, and should not be abused, but they are still just fish and part of the cycle of life is that things die. Little fish are food for bigger fish, humans, bears, bacteria or whatever.

I don't think it is bad to be upset over a pet dying. But when you grieve more your fish that died over human suffering like in the tsunami from last year, earthquakes in Packistan, well, that is when I would start to think one's priorities is a little off.

Again, this isn't meant to sound mean or to belittle anyone. It is just that some events happen in life that can really give a clarity of perspective on the important aspect of life and death.

 

[_Cal_]

Actually Ive never been upset when my fish have died, I kinda dont care that much. I was upset when my dog died, but that much different, there only relation to fins is being considered pets. But whatever floats your boat.

 

[Bloo]

But when you grieve more your fish that died over human suffering like in the tsunami from last year, earthquakes in Packistan, well, that is when I would start to think one's priorities is a little off.

I can almost relate to what you say in the first bit, but disagree with this.

How can we grieve for what happens in quakes, tsunamis etc. when we sit on the other side of the earth and in no way affected (directly) whatsoever. How can we possibly grasp the true horror and have an equated emotion ? Yes, we can be horrified and feel sorry, but more than that doesn't make sense (to me).

See, we are all different and have different priorities. You can feel for your fish like a screwdriver and others might form a bond with a similar fish - fish they tend for, feed, care for. How do you tend, care and feed your screwdriver ?
I think it's wrong to judge someone else's priorities. But that's my opinion - rightly or wrongly.
But each to their own

 

[Nickoli]

I can almost relate to what you say in the first bit, but disagree with this.

How can we grieve for what happens in quakes, tsunamis etc. when we sit on the other side of the earth and in no way affected (directly) whatsoever. How can we possibly grasp the true horror and have an equated emotion ? Yes, we can be horrified and feel sorry, but more than that doesn't make sense (to me).

See, we are all different and have different priorities. You can feel for your fish like a screwdriver and others might form a bond with a similar fish - fish they tend for, feed, care for. How do you tend, care and feed your screwdriver ?
I think it's wrong to judge someone else's priorities. But that's my opinion - rightly or wrongly.
But each to their own

I appreciate your responce. I do care for fish, pets, objects to a degree, but no where near the same level as a human life. It was not my intent to imply that people that are upset over loosing a pet have their priorities in life askew either. My point was that everyone has a different background, and this makes everyone unique. This is a highly positive aspect, if everyone was like me, this world would be a rather "odd" place. Fish are living creatures and deserve the same respect other animals on this planet do.

As for judging other's and their priorities... Some people do not want other to judge their lifestyle, attitude, or other aspects of their life. I find this unusual as this is what makes them who they are, and evaulating these aspects gives us a better understanding of those around us. In day to day peaceful life, this may not be an issue. In life or death situations, this information can be invaulable as it enables us to know how others will react. For example, picture a person running into a burning house to save a new batch of zebra fish fry, that might carry a 50% mortality rate initially. I would say their priorities are off. Same scenario but to save a child, I would generally say their priorities are straight. Knowing another person would give me advanced warning to prevent the fish saver from doing something I would consider an error. Granted what we are talking is on a lesser level than the above scenarios, I think it is an extreme example.

Not saying I'm correct, only what my experience has taught me which very well could be wrong.