Is It Bad To Be A Sensitive Person?

[Carp4U]

Hey guys, here's another thread that I intend to post in an effort to understand myself more by asking for viewpoints of other people with more experience. I'm a 16 year old lad, and I've been recently diagnosed with depression since I split up with my first girlfriend, for which I blame myself and I feel very inadequate/like a failure. As for self-confidence, I believe in myself in the fact that I have the world record for being the youngest person to complete the 3 Peaks solo, but I get the impression that being proud of myself is a bad thing and that I should be having more fun whilst I am young and whilst I can. Do you agree? The fact that I'm coming on here to ask you guys makes me feel weak and miserable if I cannot just deal with things.

I can't help but think that the way I am is going to make me struggle in general. I'd looked in depth on websites/resources based around psychology and character, which have helped somewhat, but have confused me because they give off the impression that you can change the way you act/your personality, rather than being who you are and doing things naturally. You see, I'm a quite sensitive person, I'm a perfectionist and I can be pessimistic. I take life too seriously, but want to make it as good as I can. I feel work towards my girlfriend as she was optimistic, stronger than me, and just wanted to have as much fun as possible without all the rules/constraints, she didn't take things seriously like I did and she had the attitude to just move on and forget about stuff. I understand now how people have different views, and I'm an understanding person hence why I don't blame her for the unfair way she treated me afterwards, only myself. I know all the quotes on life etc but they make little effect- I don't know what I should be doing. I seem to enjoy being different and not following social norms, is that weird? I'm just unsure about myself in life. The fact that she was able to move on and I wasn't and I'm still suffering 2 months on makes me feel weak. She said that I'm not a real boy as I've been on antidepressants although I know sensitive people are more prone to depression. I beat myself up for mistakes which I didn't realise at the time or act upon. Had I met her now, it would have been a different story, but too late now. My neighbour is also on antidepressants, and he is happily married with two great kids- it gives me no hope for the future. Is life really worth the suffering?

Is it wrong to be a perfectionist or sensitive, as a guy? Because I know most girls want someone strong, especially if they're insecure themselves, and that insecure boys are not good. I know I can change the way I am, but then I get confused as I get told that I shouldn't change who I am. Girls, is a bit of sensitivity a bad thing? I feel belittled that she is strong, care-free and happier than me, whereas naturally everything hits me harder. I have also been told that sensitive people generally tend to be more miserable in life, and surely if life is about being happy then I should change? I'm strong in the sense that i stand up for myself and I'm not afraid to be different (I don't drink, smoke, drugs etc etc). But I can't deal with normal everyday stuff? I felt ridiculous for the way I acted after we split, but that's just my character. But I don't feel strong at all. I'm generally quite negative about myself because I expect the best, but I'm very honest about it. I also act much older than my age due to trauma in my younger life- and with most people my age having the attitude that 'mature people are boring' this isolates me further. I had the bad attitude that I was better than everyone else but when I got rid of that attitude I began to feel unhappier. Is there any hope for me with future relationships?

Any comments/advice/viewpoints/experience is highly appreciated. Cheers, Alex

 

[the_lock_man]

I think most women want a little bit of sensitivity in a man, what they don't want is a wooss. The trick is finding the line, and not crossing it. Is this post driven by the break-up with your girlfriend? I remember that when it happened to me, it hit me quite hard, but I worked through it as best I could. You aren't the only one who feels bad when a relationship goes pop.

I personally think anti-depressants are too easily prescibed by doctors. The common advice of this forum when treating fish is only to medicate when absolutely necessary, humans ain't that much different, IMHO. If you genuinely need anti-depressants, then get some counselling instead. Better long-term, IMHO, than pumping your body full of chemicals.

 

[ainsy]

I really understand where you are coming from as I suffer with depression myself.

Firstly please don't follow this advice:

I personally think anti-depressants are too easily prescibed by doctors. The common advice of this forum when treating fish is only to medicate when absolutely necessary, humans ain't that much different, IMHO. If you genuinely need anti-depressants, then get some counselling instead. Better long-term, IMHO, than pumping your body full of chemicals.

You should only think about stopping/altering your medication after discussion with your Doctor and it would be irresponsible and dangerous to suggest otherwise.


There is nothing wrong with being sensitive as long as you don't allow yourself to be a doormat. You are correct that sensitive people are more likely to suffer with depression but ANYONE can have a mental illness. So being sensitive doesn't make you any less of a person nor does having depression.

My case is slightly different to yours in that prior to my nervous breakdown I did not consider myself a sensitive person and it wasn't caused by a breakup.

What I would say to you is that if you are as happy (as your situation allows!) with your personality then do not try to change yourself for the sake of what someone else says to you or thinks about you. If this is the case - then you may have to accept that she wasn't really the girl for you. I know it is hard to hear (and I am sure that plenty of others have said to you) but you are only young and there WILL be someone out there that fits you better.

If on the other hand you feel that you are unhappy with your nature then please discuss this with your Doctor - ask them to refer you for psychotherapy/CBT as 'talking' therapies are just as important as medication.

I hope this helps - if there is anything else that I can help you with then please don't hesitate to ask.

 

[sarahberry]

Hi Alex,

It is quite apparent from your post you are an educated and intelligent young man. Clearly unsure and insecure in your own skin, but that comfort with yourself will come from time and experience.

Be true to yourself. Enjoy your interests, know that your perfectionism will be an asset rather than a hindrance in the larger world. College will open up new venues and introduce you to people who share those interests, and people even more reclusive, studious and aspiring to be more perfect than even you.

I agree with The Lock Man that anti-depressants are often over-prescribed. We don't know your exact situation, you could truly need them. But past traumas and difficulty resolving them can influence current relationships and life in general, and I believe that counseling would be beneficial in helping you to overcome these obstacles, and would give you coping skills that would help you better handle disappointments. I personally have been a sufferer of chronic depression since high school, and I couldn't have made it out of there alive without the anti-depressants and counseling I received.

Keep your chin up, and appreciate who you are as an individual! Normally girls mature faster than boys, but it's apparent this isn't always the way it works out. You have plenty of time to find the girl who appreciates you for exactly who you are.

Take Care!

Sarah