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I Think Im Depressed?

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JoshuaA said:
To add to your response to my post.

My dad was exactly the same, whenever he did come back he was never interested in doing anything with me and in fact preferred my brother. My dad's excuse was that he couldn't help me train for my cross country races as he can't run far.

Needless to say that when my parents got divorced I was the one who was "hurt" the least, since I didn't really have much of a connection with him as my brother or of course my mother had it didn't hit home at all for me. I just treated him like it was normal. After their divorce it took perhaps 2/3 years for me to see my dad again, he had been in two different countries in that time and then was finally moving to China. I'd like to say it ended well and it kind of has but I'm thrown back and forth between family turmoil and I'm generally disliked by my mothers entire family due to the fact I "support" my father. I've never been the favourite kid with anyone, and even now after all my support I still feel like I'm second best to my brother even though he never speaks to my father.

That is one thing that gets me really down about it however I just have to get on with what I have. I only live once and I only have one father.

With high school, I was a whizzkid and did fantastic up till about the 4th year in which I just started messing around with the wrong friend group and didn't get much work done at all, I went out and partied and just came back feeling like poop. I knew I had made a mistake and the next year I got my head down for exams and lost quite a few friends because I simply ignored them for work. I got substantially good results in my end of high school exams and got accepted into college instantly. I went back to my old ways and wasted 2 years of my life in college. All I have to show for it is an A level in Physics... apart from when I use it in the practical sense for estimating forces required and stuff in my head I've done nothing with it... Kind of one of those "Look at me I got this!!". I lived with my father for a few months in China and didn't enjoy it after all that I came back and looked for a job, found a dead end job and got stuck in. My boss was so horrible to me and arrogant I got blamed for things which happened before I even arrived, I was always the one who got abused for doing things my job description didn't even list. I left that job after the boss made an accusation of me taking too much time on my break, he then suggested I should put the effort in that everyone else does and sacrifice a bit of my time like other people have on a busy day. I told him if he wanted me to work more he could pay me if not shove his job, I walked out and he got fuming over it. It was satisfying and I had a smug smile on my face for "sticking it to the man". However in the current climate it wasn't the best option.

I loitered around a bit and went to China again for inspiration, I helped out with my Step brothers art exhibitions and my step mothers trading business. I came back and applied for Uni and got accepted for a Business degree, I'm currently waiting for it to start... so my life goes on... moral of the story...

To sum it up, throughout the last 3/4 years of my life I've only had 2 good friends by my side other than that I would call everyone else "People I know" rather than friends. My girlfriend obviously has helped me a lot. Though one thing I can guarantee there will be more sadness in your life than happiness. Counting friends by number isn't the way to do it, so what if you're not going out partying, I did for a few time and I admit it was fun but it wasn't beneficial the next day or the day after... in fact it was detrimental to my future because of the lifestyle it introduced me to.

I feel like you're in the same position I was, I hope my short life story has helped you reflect on things in your life. Perhaps you might of learnt something, maybe think you're in a better position after all. The fact of the matter is to me, life isn't always going to be happy a lot of it is sadness and disappointment though when you do come across a happy time make the most of it. Those are the memories that will stick with you, may not see it now but you will likely think back in a few years time and think of something completely randomly whilst talking to a friend and just laugh the night away.

I don't think you're depressed at all, just feeling in a low place for a long time. You will break out of it soon though like you've just proved talking about it to someone really helps.

Good luck again :good:
Click to expand...


wow, my parents also favor my younger brother, he seems to get away with everything ie. being lazy at times,a bad grade or action, doign the exact same thing that got me in trouble, complaining etc. while i dont. idk about you but i argue with them everyday, and they always call me worthless, ill end being some garbage man with a run down apartment and no friends or life, stupid is also thrown in there, lazy, ungrateful.... it kinda goes on, the one time i heard any of them say i love you was in a TEXT MESSAGE after i had that problem with my mom.

they also almost divorced twice because of the travel issue with my dad, imho i think its more stressful to have a lingering relationship on the rocks than one that is over and done with, i have no idea who is on my mom'sside ecxept for her mom..and my dads side is ok but i only see them once a yearand we always do the samething over and over..

the only favoruite ive been was in 5th grade, in fact my elementary years i was teachers pet and that tends to attract bullies,but that wasnt a big issue and i still "loved" my parents at the time so i had some sort of comfort,same happended in 6th and 7th, except i had no friends to back up with, those 2 years seemed to have made me build up a sort of emotional sheild, im like a vulcan, its impossible to tell what im feeling, i dont cry for anything (even during 'punishment' ie corporal, with or without objects),the only time you can tell is when im mad, and even then its bottled, the one time i got REALLY mad.... was bad.

your party friends did they still manage to get good grades?? i think that might be a difference in the two :/ partying and being successful and partying and flunking are a bit different, did they "help/cheat" with each other to get the grades?

and i have yet to get a job so idk how bad that could potentially be..

if i was to think really hard id say maybe:
0- best friends
0- good friends
1- friend
6- good aquaintances
70- people i know

and thats still sad, by definition i have no friends as i have had noone in a different location not school/work related that i hanged with at least once. i know everyone from school, and im a bit cautious to bring them to my house with my "parents" the way they are. not to mention i have been back stabbed so much you can probably just lift my spine out :/ i cant even count the number of timesi been told in my face im not your friend, have had a rumor spread, or just someone i thought i could trust do awful things


again i think if i was to think really hard i guess..... im not really depressed :/ or not at the point to call it depression at least



thanks for the story it helped :)
 
Wait is this a flash from the past!? You are me aren't you?

Exactly the same, my brother went off the rails but i s still favoured. Also I know exactly what you mean by "emotional shield" there are only a few things that upset me and that's poorly treated animals and not winning. Everything else can be thrown at me and it won't change my mindset. When you've been through a lot when you're young I think it takes a lot more to make you budge when you're older. I argued a hell of a lot with them, it was mainly brought on because they argued with each other so from a young age I really had the mindset to argue.

Most my party "friends" are all in dead end jobs, a few made it good on exams but didn't make anything of it. One of longest term friends literally known from birth, got into university but just went mental and started doing drugs, really hard drugs he went a bit psycho too, wasted 2 years off his life and now looks like he was dragged through a sewer backwards and slapped across the face with multiple wet fish, needless to say I don't talk to him at all now. The rest of my friends who I hung around with have done quite well but nearly all of the "party peeps" or the bullies from school haven't done anything with the lives.

I did go through a stage of high school where I had lost/ditched most of my friends due to a shift in my personality it just takes time to build up new bonds with people. I had the same problem with my parents although I was always embarrassed about the fact my mother was on her own and people would be like "are they divorced!?" when they weren't. It was still a little taboo at the time.

It is guaranteed someone will back stab you in life, though I would say nearly all people will backstab someone in their life. It is purely one of those things, perhaps its another one of those "it takes time" to find the ones who won't. You don't need to bring people back to your house to develop a friendship though, after the divorce of my parents I never really brought anyone to my home as I felt like my mum was too fragile. I mostly only saw my friends in high school and then a few times when doing sports afterwards.

Like I said though, I have 2 good friends only really and a girlfriend, everyone else is "people I know/get on with". My girlfriend well that's another story in itself which made me lose one of my best friends of all time for maybe 2 years and even then I don't talk to him much at all now. However I think I made the right choice.

Edit:

I would seriously think about taking up a sport though for after school, perhaps a martial art it helps you direct whats built up inside you into something useful, also you're injected into a new friend circle.
 
GAB ....I am not going to repeat what most of the others have said here. But, I CAN firm it up for you. You see, I AM an MD.

The first step in getting help is to realize that something is wrong. Recognizing that you are not happy and going to those websites is a MAJOR step in the right direction. The next step is to seek assistance because you CANNOT do this yourself. Truly...why did you become a member HERE? Easy: to seek help and friendship.

There are MANY things that can cause depression some of which may be chemical in nature. You should NOT be afraid or concerned about what your parents think. Good parents have a personal obligation to make sure that their children stay healthy and safe.

Find the courage to take the next step and seek assistance. Speak with your parents. If you can't, there are many free and private clinics that can help. There is a school psychologist, etc. Trust me on this one: you will be SO MUCH happier that you did. All it takes is the first step...one step. Start now, while you are young. You won't regret it.

SH
 
JoshuaA said:
Wait is this a flash from the past!? You are me aren't you?

Exactly the same, my brother went off the rails but i s still favoured. Also I know exactly what you mean by "emotional shield" there are only a few things that upset me and that's poorly treated animals and not winning. Everything else can be thrown at me and it won't change my mindset. When you've been through a lot when you're young I think it takes a lot more to make you budge when you're older. I argued a hell of a lot with them, it was mainly brought on because they argued with each other so from a young age I really had the mindset to argue.

Most my party "friends" are all in dead end jobs, a few made it good on exams but didn't make anything of it. One of longest term friends literally known from birth, got into university but just went mental and started doing drugs, really hard drugs he went a bit psycho too, wasted 2 years off his life and now looks like he was dragged through a sewer backwards and slapped across the face with multiple wet fish, needless to say I don't talk to him at all now. The rest of my friends who I hung around with have done quite well but nearly all of the "party peeps" or the bullies from school haven't done anything with the lives.

I did go through a stage of high school where I had lost/ditched most of my friends due to a shift in my personality it just takes time to build up new bonds with people. I had the same problem with my parents although I was always embarrassed about the fact my mother was on her own and people would be like "are they divorced!?" when they weren't. It was still a little taboo at the time.

It is guaranteed someone will back stab you in life, though I would say nearly all people will backstab someone in their life. It is purely one of those things, perhaps its another one of those "it takes time" to find the ones who won't. You don't need to bring people back to your house to develop a friendship though, after the divorce of my parents I never really brought anyone to my home as I felt like my mum was too fragile. I mostly only saw my friends in high school and then a few times when doing sports afterwards.

Like I said though, I have 2 good friends only really and a girlfriend, everyone else is "people I know/get on with". My girlfriend well that's another story in itself which made me lose one of my best friends of all time for maybe 2 years and even then I don't talk to him much at all now. However I think I made the right choice.

Edit:

I would seriously think about taking up a sport though for after school, perhaps a martial art it helps you direct whats built up inside you into something useful, also you're injected into a new friend circle.
Click to expand...

lol i was thinking the same thing

and yeah i want to have fun but not really to the point that half amount of homework i get done is from other people, cu in real life not alot of people are gonna help you out very much so its better to get accustomed to a big workload than "pretend" you have one. so basically id party to the limit of it not intefering with the rest of my life like your party friends.

well, my mom is really hypocritical and i just plain dont like her, i mostly dislike my parents and get along with them some of the time, and i bet that will change once i get less dependant on them.

i know its bound to happen but its already happened so many times to me, not in the last two years though cuz i dont have anyone to backstab me in the first place lol

i wouldnt mind having one really good friend its just the fact im lacking that :/ i dont really have anyone right now, ive always been a "lone wolf" but its no good if you dont have at least one person to talk to at least some of the time, if i could wish for anything id wish for a spaceship to just go away, never look back, and forget this planet ever existed, i doubt anyone except my parents would feel sad, and then i dont have to rely on anyone to do anything for me ever again...

and i already play tennis but reconsidering swimming (i quit last time when i was 8 because i HATED those stupid speedos :blush: ) but again i dont have anyone to hit with over here except for my dad and thats only when he wants to play, and at my old place i had a tennis team and that was funish but i didnt like the coaches and everyone got tired after an hour or so (i can go up to ten but realistically 6 hours a day lol) ive heard some kids here do play bu there at college camps, which ill be going to one for 2-3 weeks after this week and i HOPE really hard that i make at least one friend.


steelhealr said:
GAB ....I am not going to repeat what most of the others have said here. But, I CAN firm it up for you. You see, I AM an MD.

The first step in getting help is to realize that something is wrong. Recognizing that you are not happy and going to those websites is a MAJOR step in the right direction. The next step is to seek assistance because you CANNOT do this yourself. Truly...why did you become a member HERE? Easy: to seek help and friendship.

There are MANY things that can cause depression some of which may be chemical in nature. You should NOT be afraid or concerned about what your parents think. Good parents have a personal obligation to make sure that their children stay healthy and safe.

Find the courage to take the next step and seek assistance. Speak with your parents. If you can't, there are many free and private clinics that can help. There is a school psychologist, etc. Trust me on this one: you will be SO MUCH happier that you did. All it takes is the first step...one step. Start now, while you are young. You won't regret it.

SH
Click to expand...

MD= medical director??
yeah, it would be a bit dumb to not do research as to why im not happy, let alone not research for anything tbh, i have that habit and this hobby really has emphasized my use for it lol

well a few things have transpired to make me wary of my actions around them, they actually barely know me, in fact barely anyone knows me at all, i havent told anyone anything 'critical' ever since after 6th grade i think? now that i mentioned it, i think i got F***** up at around 6th grade,thats when i moved here for the first time, if i was back in california for 6,7 grade id probably still have a connection with my best friend, be happier, not hate my parents, and maybe have a life :/

im thinking of going to the school guidance counselor when school begins again if things dont improve over the summer.
 
I know it sounds like a cliche but the first steps is recognising you have a problem, the 2nd step is to ask for help...........it gets easier after that.

Pills aren't as bad as people say, they help to initiate the start to your body dealing with the situation but a Dr should discuss the options with you.

Although, when I started taking them, I couldn't get angry, no matter how hard I tried :lol: But this week has been hell, due to the antibiotics and painkillers I am on, I've had to stop my medication, so it's been hard to emotional handle things.

Don't be worried about talking things through, it will do you good x
 
BethK said:
I know it sounds like a cliche but the first steps is recognising you have a problem, the 2nd step is to ask for help...........it gets easier after that.

Pills aren't as bad as people say, they help to initiate the start to your body dealing with the situation but a Dr should discuss the options with you.

Although, when I started taking them, I couldn't get angry, no matter how hard I tried :lol: But this week has been hell, due to the antibiotics and painkillers I am on, I've had to stop my medication, so it's been hard to emotional handle things.

Don't be worried about talking things through, it will do you good x
Click to expand...

im ok with talking things through, just WHO to talk with is the problem, im ok with telling you guys sort of because

1.) i dont know any of you guys except by username and whatever tid bits you mention on the forum

2.) none of you guys know me except by username and tid bits i mention

which makes it virtually impossible to do anything except talk, which strangley makes it slightly safer to talk to than anyone around me.

there are/have been people i do talk to in real life and like i mentioned if thingd dont improve over the summer ill go to the counselor to get help.... and though i did mention i talked to one previously it didnt really help too much.
 
IME talking to a total stranger is far easier than talking to someone you know.
strangers will have no preconceived impressions of you and will be far less judgemental.

however talking to a close friend also helps, but only when you are ready to do so.
 
Yeah, talking to strangers is easier, it's off loading your problems and strangers are less likely to judge, esp those who have been through or have some kind of experience as you.

Talk away x
 
Don't be worried if you need medication, the newer meds are non-addictive. I had depression early this year for the first time ever (I'm 57). There were signs but I didn't pick up on it, I would if it ever happened again. I took mild meds for about 5 months and came off them gradually and I'm back to my usual self now. I am quite a resilient character and am very irreverent but that all went while I wasn't well, it's very nice to be back to my normal self! Hope it all works out for you but definitely don't be worried about the meds or anyone knowing. I tell people if the subject comes up.
 
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