Tips for dealing with stress?

[AmyKieran]

Okay so disclaimer before I carry on -

Some of this will be slightly personal and may be a bit lengthy but nonetheless

I’m sure most of you will know already about my wife. Diagnosed with breast cancer at 25, endured chemotherapy, radiotherapy and hormone therapy. Now a couple of years later has constant health problems as a result of this treatment. She has breathing issues as a result of the radio damaging her lung tissues, heart problems from the cardio toxic hormone therapy, fibromyalgia brought on by the chemotherapy and other littler problems like insomnia and hay fever (from sinus issues caused by something cancer related, never had hay fever before ever). And she’s now only 28! I am her carer and we are at hospital atleast twice a week up to 5 times a week.

On top of this I’m going through screening for bowel cancer (probably not but I’ll explain why it’s specifically for that) as a result of a positive FIT test result aswell as my grandmother and grandfather (mothers side) died from bowel cancer and so did my grandmother (fathers side) die of bowel cancer. So hopefully it’s nothing but there worried as a result of the family history.

I’m not looking for sympathy as a result of this post, apart from this me and my wife live a happy married life together and I just generally enjoy life regardless of the other things that happen.

But, stress is always there. I’m stressing about me, I’m stressing about what may be around the corner for her. I know it’s not healthy but I used to vape and stopped a while ago. I recently started again because I just don’t know how to cope with all of this.

I know a lot of members on here are suffering with terrible illnesses and trauma in their lives and I just want to ask :

How do you guys deal with these stresses? What are your coping mechanics for dealing with all of these crazy emotions?


Sorry for long post

 

[Deleted member 149562]

Watching the fish helps me......and lying down in a totally dark room, listening to whales with my eyes closed.

 

[AmyKieran]

Watching the fish helps me......and lying down in a totally dark room, listening to whales with my eyes closed.

Listening to whales, ide never actually thought of that. I used to love the sound of rain but after a while it just sounds like tv static

 

[Deleted member 149562]

10 hours of sheer bliss......gets rid of stress for me and often gets me to sleep better too

 

[AmyKieran]

10 hours of sheer bliss......gets rid of stress for me and often gets me to sleep better too

That’s cool why do they actually do that? Communication?

 

[Deleted member 149562]

That’s cool why do they actually do that? Communication?

Yep....thats how they talk to one another....the whale sounds can carry for many many miles

 

[AmyKieran]

Yep....thats how they talk to one another....the whale sounds can carry for many many miles

That’s cool, I know I was watching a documentary about Malaysian airlines that never was found, and they picked up a sound from one of the countries that they located in the middle of the ocean but it turned out to be a snapping shrimp (something like that). That made a noise that travelled hundreds of miles, that’s crazy

 

[Deleted member 149562]

There are plenty of these on YT to choose from, all different "conversations" tween various whale species...

 

[Deleted member 149562]

That’s cool, I know I was watching a documentary about Malaysian airlines that never was found, and they picked up a sound from one of the countries that they located in the middle of the ocean but it turned out to be a snapping shrimp (something like that). That made a noise that travelled hundreds of miles, that’s crazy

The undersea world can be very noisy...

 

[Lemon]

When I’m stressed I take care of my pets it calms me down, that’s why I have so many (2 dogs three guppies a betta a snail three toads) it’ll also might just be me and I enjoy training my pets. It takes takes time but it’s fun for you it works as bonding time

 

[Colin_T]

To reduce the risk of bowel cancer, eat plenty of fruit and vegetables. Avoid red meat where possible and only have it a couple of times a week. Avoid processed meats. Do regular exercise (at least an hour a day), avoid gaining weight (easy to say, hard to do during covid times). Avoid alcohol and smoking and hope you don't carry the gene for it.

Exercise is also meant to help people recover from cancer faster and helps make chemo work more effectively and give fewer side effects.

--------------------
STRESS RELIEF
I used to cycle to relieve stress. I could go out for a couple of hours and whatever was annoying me, would be gone after the ride. After I ended up on the street I would walk to get rid of stress or go and sit at the beach miles from anyone and just be alone. It doesn't work if you are just there for 5-10 minutes, but after an hour or two, it can help.

I tried meditating and only ever found one place I could do it. I was down in Walpole (420km south of Perth in WA) and there is a small footbridge that goes across a creek in the middle of the bush. I spent 15 minutes on that bridge and went into a peaceful meditative state and have never been able to recreate it anywhere else. But if you can meditate for 30 minutes a day, it is meant to help. Some people stare at a candle and just focus on the flame, others listen to music. I think they call it mindfullness now.

I play World of Warcraft and used that to help clear my head after my girls died. I still play it today but the game is bugged and Blizzard doesn't care about balance so it doesn't get played as much anymore.

I used to keep birds and would sit out in the aviary each day. I had a few hand tame birds that would come and sit on my shoulder and cheer me up. I had some painted finches that would hop around behind me making noises like the old pinball machines (zip, zap, ping).

I would sit in front of the fish tanks feeding the fish a bit at a time. 2 or 3 hours could pass as I fed them all.

I use to grow plants and had a nice garden but lost that in 2016

I used to go bush walking (hiking) and look for things to photograph. I had the dogs with me and we could spend hours wandering around forgetting about the world and everything bad going on in it.

Sometimes I watch TV (Simpsons, South Park, American Dad, Family Guy, Benny Hill, etc). Just something to make me laugh and try to clear my head so I don't kill myself.

I used to listen to music to clear my head, but I can't listen to on the new computer because it doesn't have an onboard speaker and I lost my old computer speakers in 2016.

Writing can help clear your head too. Most counsellors recommend their clients write down what is irritating them or causing them stress. it's meant to help.

--------------------
Have you thought about getting a small dog and going for walks in the bush?
Not sure how much bushland there is in the UK or if you or your partner can be around furry animals.

Getting out of the house and socialising is good for the mind and helps you clear your head. Again though covid is still around so you need to be careful where you go.

Going on a holiday can help but it usually needs to be a few weeks and might not be safe due to covid. But if you have family in the country, spending a week or two out there might be nice, assuming you like your family.

I would say come and visit Western Australia but not now because we have a major outbreak of Omicron and a stupid government that removed all mask laws when it was happening. But if/ when the virus is over and you have money spare, the south west of Western Australia is a nice place. Hire a mobile home/ camper van and spend 6 months driving around the south west. There are wildflowers in late winter, spring and early summer (August to December), and we have the best sunsets in autumn (March/ April).

Maybe see a counsellor and chat with them once every few weeks. Get out and about and talk to people if you can.

--------------------
There is a town/ village in the Japanese highlands and they have the oldest people in the world there. The people eat a lot of plant matter and little red meat, they work in the garden for a few hours each day, and they socialise with their neighbours and friends on a daily basis. They claim that is why they live so long, and scientists has studied them and confirmed those 3 things help people live longer more fulfilled lives. Eat well but not too much, exercise or do physical activity you enjoy, and socialise.

The exercise helps the body produce serotonin, which makes you feel better. It also creates a bunch of good cells that help fight off diseases and keep you fit.

A diet high in plant matter helps the body work more effectively and you get more nutrients from the plants, especially if they are fresh and you grow your own.

Socialising helps you feel wanted, gives you a chance to clear your head, and communicate with others that have similar interests to you.

 

[AmyKieran]

To reduce the risk of bowel cancer, eat plenty of fruit and vegetables. Avoid red meat where possible and only have it a couple of times a week. Avoid processed meats. Do regular exercise (at least an hour a day), avoid gaining weight (easy to say, hard to do during covid times). Avoid alcohol and smoking and hope you don't carry the gene for it.

Exercise is also meant to help people recover from cancer faster and helps make chemo work more effectively and give fewer side effects.

--------------------
STRESS RELIEF
I used to cycle to relieve stress. I could go out for a couple of hours and whatever was annoying me, would be gone after the ride. After I ended up on the street I would walk to get rid of stress or go and sit at the beach miles from anyone and just be alone. It doesn't work if you are just there for 5-10 minutes, but after an hour or two, it can help.

I tried meditating and only ever found one place I could do it. I was down in Walpole (420km south of Perth in WA) and there is a small footbridge that goes across a creek in the middle of the bush. I spent 15 minutes on that bridge and went into a peaceful meditative state and have never been able to recreate it anywhere else. But if you can meditate for 30 minutes a day, it is meant to help. Some people stare at a candle and just focus on the flame, others listen to music. I think they call it mindfullness now.

I play World of Warcraft and used that to help clear my head after my girls died. I still play it today but the game is bugged and Blizzard doesn't care about balance so it doesn't get played as much anymore.

I used to keep birds and would sit out in the aviary each day. I had a few hand tame birds that would come and sit on my shoulder and cheer me up. I had some painted finches that would hop around behind me making noises like the old pinball machines (zip, zap, ping).

I would sit in front of the fish tanks feeding the fish a bit at a time. 2 or 3 hours could pass as I fed them all.

I use to grow plants and had a nice garden but lost that in 2016

I used to go bush walking (hiking) and look for things to photograph. I had the dogs with me and we could spend hours wandering around forgetting about the world and everything bad going on in it.

Sometimes I watch TV (Simpsons, South Park, American Dad, Family Guy, Benny Hill, etc). Just something to make me laugh and try to clear my head so I don't kill myself.

I used to listen to music to clear my head, but I can't listen to on the new computer because it doesn't have an onboard speaker and I lost my old computer speakers in 2016.

Writing can help clear your head too. Most counsellors recommend their clients write down what is irritating them or causing them stress. it's meant to help.

--------------------
Have you thought about getting a small dog and going for walks in the bush?
Not sure how much bushland there is in the UK or if you or your partner can be around furry animals.

Getting out of the house and socialising is good for the mind and helps you clear your head. Again though covid is still around so you need to be careful where you go.

Going on a holiday can help but it usually needs to be a few weeks and might not be safe due to covid. But if you have family in the country, spending a week or two out there might be nice, assuming you like your family.

I would say come and visit Western Australia but not now because we have a major outbreak of Omicron and a stupid government that removed all mask laws when it was happening. But if/ when the virus is over and you have money spare, the south west of Western Australia is a nice place. Hire a mobile home/ camper van and spend 6 months driving around the south west. There are wildflowers in late winter, spring and early summer (August to December), and we have the best sunsets in autumn (March/ April).

Maybe see a counsellor and chat with them once every few weeks. Get out and about and talk to people if you can.

--------------------
There is a town/ village in the Japanese highlands and they have the oldest people in the world there. The people eat a lot of plant matter and little red meat, they work in the garden for a few hours each day, and they socialise with their neighbours and friends on a daily basis. They claim that is why they live so long, and scientists has studied them and confirmed those 3 things help people live longer more fulfilled lives. Eat well but not too much, exercise or do physical activity you enjoy, and socialise.

The exercise helps the body produce serotonin, which makes you feel better. It also creates a bunch of good cells that help fight off diseases and keep you fit.

A diet high in plant matter helps the body work more effectively and you get more nutrients from the plants, especially if they are fresh and you grow your own.

Socialising helps you feel wanted, gives you a chance to clear your head, and communicate with others that have similar interests to you.

Thankyou for this Colin

I’m trying to do more exercise and walk my dogs more (2 dogs) and doing cycling in the house. I can’t leave the house loads because I need to care for Amy

 

[AmyKieran]

When I’m stressed I take care of my pets it calms me down, that’s why I have so many (2 dogs three guppies a betta a snail three toads) it’ll also might just be me and I enjoy training my pets. It takes takes time but it’s fun for you it works as bonding time

Yeah my fish have really helped, it’s the only hobby I have

 

[Colin_T]

When I’m stressed I take care of my pets it calms me down, that’s why I have so many (2 dogs three guppies a betta a snail three toads) it’ll also might just be me and I enjoy training my pets. It takes takes time but it’s fun for you it works as bonding time

It's not just you. Lots of people find pets calming and relaxing and science has confirmed it does help. People patting, grooming a dog or cat will have lower blood pressure and over time have lower levels of cortisol (stress hormone).

I used to be around animals all the time and was never stressed out. They are part of nature and we need to be around them and plants.

 

[Deleted member 149562]

I often sit and watch my fish...it can be very relaxing......

Right up until the Cories start egg splattering everywhere again.....then its like "NO! don't you dare do that...I cannot fit another aquarium into this flat!....STOP DOING THAT!!!!"