New Weekly " Off Topic" Topic No.23 (09/07/12)

[Ludwig Venter]

In the old days, larger families with 5 to 8 kids (or even more) were the norm and it is the perception that children growing up in bigger families are normally more balanced and ultimately more successful as adults in life and in their careers as opposed to an only child who is normally a spoilt brat who is selfish, do not share and thinks life owes him/her a living..... is this true??

Did you grow up as an only child or do you come from a big family.... how has this influenced your life??....

 

[ZoddyZod]

I was an only child until I was 13. I would say that I'm pretty selfish.

Evidence exhibit A.

 

[Alm0stAwesome]

lol I am the oldest out of three. I think the oldest can retain some of those "only child" qualities. I was always a really independent and "willful" (as my mom used to say) child. It's very lucky that my brother came along to tone me down haha, but we always used to beat each other up - I joke that it's because sub-conciously I blamed him for taking my only-childness away Then when the youngest came along I was old enough to learn that it's important to be caring and nuturing to others so that was important too. I was too focused on the sibling rivalrly with the older of my two brothers haha and things still haven't changed much today even though they are 25 and 19 now!

But yeah, I do think it's important for an only child to get a lots and lots of play time with other kids so that they learn social skills and get to have fun being a kid! Some only children seem to grow up quite fast/be quite "serious" I think it's because they are around adults more than kids. At the same time many of the ones I know have grown up to be really successful! Maybe it's because they had all of that focus on them from both parents...who knows! There are certainly benefits and drawbacks to both, for example a family with one child will maybe be more financially stable and have a more settled and stress free life as a result, let's face it, money does matter!

 

[MBOU]

I have two younger brothers, one is 2 years younger and the other is 6 years younger. My mum said she wanted at least another 2 kids but with severe PND and health problems that came with having kids, she had to settle with 3.

I'd have quite liked to NOT be the eldest and to have more siblings! My dad was 1 of 4 kids and my mum was 1 of 6 kids, particularly on my mums side... we have a huge extended family. I have 23 cousins on that side of the family and its awesome! Biggest family has 5 kids and probably counting knowing them, and one family has 1 kids but after heart transplant, she cant have kids and isnt even allowed to foster or adopt

Family gatherings are great fun and involve huge crazy parties, dragonboating down canals, 'shifties' where we all have fun orienteering, cycling and dragon boating before a massive feast of food.

Its sad as since my grandma died and one of my uncles died (heart attack at 45 whilst dragonboating the river severn from source to sea for the GB) then the whole family is drifting apart slowly, there is too much hurt that was hidden for so many years, i didnt realise how many skeletons the family had!

But we do all still meet up every year and have great fun! We used to all spend half the time living at each others houses even though we are scattered from Devon to Wales and up to North Yorkshire lol.

I don't understant how people can live as an only child and not much extended family, especially as a kid growing up! We all shared everyting and looked after each other. We always help each other out whenever we can, whether they ask for help or not.

I wouldnt have grown up any other way and if i had kids, i'd have wanted several and for them to have grown up as part of a large extended family!

Now i feel a bit miserable.. i did kind of want kids **sigh**

 

[Akasha72]

there's just me and an older brother but my Mum was one of 5 kids herself. She had 3 brothers and a sister. One brother had 2 kids, the other had 5. The third brother never married or had kids and her sister had 3 kids.

We all used to drop on my grandparents on a weekend and the mayhem of that amount of kids running around, fighting, bickering etc ... well anyone from a large family know's what I'm trying to say!

I wouldn't have changed any of it for the world. I felt part of a large family (despite having just one really horrible brother who used to put spiders and worms in my bed *shudder*) and it was great.

I've had the misfortune to be a (now ex) girlfriend of an only child and I'd never go there again. So unbelievably selfish and a real bully too.
I've also had friends that were only children and found pretty much the same thing. They seem to struggle with give and take relationships with friends. These friendships, for me, have never lasted

 

[the_lock_man]

I don't think that whether a person is selfish or not has much to do with how many siblings they grew up with, it's more to do with their parents' attitude.

I am an only-child. I don't think I'm selfish, in fact sometimes I feel like I consider other people more than most. But I guess you'd best ask the wife for a more detailed picture.

However, she is the youngest of 4 kids, and whilst I wouldn't describe her as selfish, she has learnt the lessons of grabbing what you want whilst it's there, before someone else grabs it. Certainly in terms of the Quality Street at Christmas.......

 

[ZoddyZod]

Certainly in terms of the Quality Street at Christmas.......

this is simply a standard piece of genetic coding that exists in all human beings. Who wants to get stuck with one of those pink ones???

 

[Alm0stAwesome]

lol, love it!


Let's not give the only children too hard of a time

 

[the_lock_man]

Certainly in terms of the Quality Street at Christmas.......

this is simply a standard piece of genetic coding that exists in all human beings. Who wants to get stuck with one of those pink ones???

What the.....? The Strawberry Cremes are the best ones!

 

[MBOU]

But I like the pink ones

EDIT: though its generally a pretty vicious fight to determine who gets the green triangles! Thats assuming that either mum or dad havent sneakily opened the tin, fished them all out and sealed it back up again. That certainly wouldnt be a first either

 

[HannahBear77]

there was 3 of us growing up and i was the only girl i have a twin brother and a older brother even still today its Dan and the Twins or the "Twins will be coming over in a bit.." very rarely did my mom and dad address us individually unless they were talking to us individually. so i always had a side kick in life to do stuff with now growing up i find that my twin brother is my best friend that i do every thing with still ya its hard growing up and moving on but hey its life

.But i find having at least one sibling is good to have in life, My twins girlfriend for example she is an only child has no people skills a HUGE brat and her parents will even admit she is spoiled and she is always wanting to talk about her even if your talking about you she will switch the conversation about so its about her after awhile....But i dont know i know a few people that are an only child and arent selfish or a brat or self centered, i guess in the end it all depends on your parents and how they raise you

 

[This Old Spouse]

I'm an only child raised only by my mother because my dad died just before I was born and she never remarried. I started out life living with a herd of cousins whom I dearly love, but when I was 7 my mom decided to move back to her hometown of Minneapolis, where I spent the rest of my childhood.

Spoiled? Not a chance. We barely had enough while I was growing up so there was not much to spoil me with. But I often wonder what my life would be like if we'd stayed in the folds of the extended family. Even though they were cousins and not siblings, it didn't seem to matter. We did everything together and I felt part of a large family. When we left I felt very alone and isolated. My mom is not demonstrative at all, so I longed for the affection I got from the rest of the family.

I am somewhat selfish, but I've tried to teach myself not to be so. It's a learned behavior, and I learned it because what was mine was mine, there were no siblings to argue about it.

 

[FishFanatic04]

I'm the oldest of 3 as well. In my case, both of my sisters are 5 years or more younger then me, so I grew up independent and felt like an only child. By the time my sisters were at an age to become friends and not just pesky slobbery kids, I was leaving hone to start my life.

I don't think the selfishness comes from the amount of people in your family at all, but more the circumstances you grew up in as a whole. I grew up a little on the poorer side. My father is retired Army, and that of course implies a low household income {Shameful isn't it?} My parents tried hard to give us everything we need, and special things {like a gameboy or other expensive things} were rarer and treasured. Now when I get nice things I have the same attitude and treasure them. I treasure my fish tanks especially as they were very expensive for us to start up {and selfish on my part} I find myself being selfish often and can admit it. I also give everything I can to my family; I take plenty of moments in there to do for myself as well.


There's nothing wrong with being a little selfish when I also give as much as I take, though I would love to be perfect only want to give.

 

[Ruskull]

My parents had 2 Boys & then a Girl. I'm the middle child, which sucks.

My son is an only child and it's because we started a bit late. I hate that he has no brothers or sisters........he is a bit selfish too and he's def. spoiled.

I think many folks today are a bit selfish, and the larger family is a thing of the past to a large degree. My wife has 4 step sisters and 1 brother & none of them have children. They wouldn't want it to affect them being able to spend all their money on themselves.

 

[Man of fish]

I have a sister that's 2 years older than me. We get along alright I guess. I don't think I'm spoiled because my mom doesn't give me any money other than allowance IF and ONLY IF I do ALL my chores, so I have to work for money and buy whatever I want unless it's necessary. my sister is spoiled though, because my mom always gave her money til I was about 10 and started asking for stuff too.