Feeling depressed....not really doing much with the tank

[TheTenthDoctor]

Yeah, I've been there, too. There's a time to persevere and a time to take a break. If you decide the latter, it's OK--this is a hobby, not a lifelong commitment. But stick around the forum, either way. We enjoy hearing from you.
T

Its not the hobby, its the depression, I absolutely love fish, its just I am so exhausted all the time, and I feel so sad I just can't really move for anything but the most urgent of matters.

 

[TheTenthDoctor]

Hiya Doc,

I've definitely gone through this.
More than once. You can tell by looking at the times that I disappeared from the form for a while. You haven't been on here as much lately, I noticed because you commented on something recently.

I experienced a lot of guilt about not keeping up with my tanks like I should. That's actually about all I did during those times was my water changes.
It would be where I would just have one day that I would take care of my tanks, all of them. It was exhausting and it would really take ALL day.

One thing I did when it got really bad was to talk to someone at my local fish store about what would happen if I needed to rehome my fish. You can do this if you have a local fish store, and you can also find online groups in your area. To be totally honest, I started poke around the forum to see who lives close to me in case I had to find someone to re-home my fish to. I figured I could drive a few hours if I had to. I can't remember if I actually reached out to anybody here on the forum, but I know who you are, , even if you don't!

After I found out that it would be pretty easy to find homes for my fish I somehow felt reassured. It felt like I was responsible, and somehow this helped me to take care of my tanks.

I think a big part of it was worrying about what would happen and once I realized that there was a solution I began to relax a little bit more about it.

Just manage the water changes, for the sake of the fish, and let the rest do what it will. If you're struggling with depression find a counselor to talk to. PM myself or someone else on the forum.

Several people have talked about exercise and going outside. The hard part is when you're depressed you don't want to do anything. If you can manage to go outside it will help. If you can, sit down directly on the Earth. You can also put your palms flat on the ground. The Earth will draw out the funk.
You will feel lighter and then you can go inside and tackle those water changes!

Thanks for sharing and opening up the dialogue. As you can see you're not alone.

At this point my guppy tank is overrun with algae, my 20 gallon has completly gone to pot and will have to be torn down, and the only ones that are doing well are my 5.5 and 10 gallon. Those are somewhat ok.

 

[TheTenthDoctor]

You're so not on your own, loads of us go through these periods as you can see.

I have ADHD and lose interest very quickly when things become boring. I try to stay motivated by watching YouTube, MD fish tanks in particular and I also like MJ Aquascaping...there's others but those two release content quite frequently so I've always got something to watch.

Something else that helps is having fish that are interesting with character. That's why I've got kribs...cichlids in general in my opinion are full of character and I can watch them for hours.

You could also challenge yourself by trying something new you'd like to achieve...for me it's growing plants. I'm battling algae still at the moment which is doing my head in and its so frustrating it makes me feel like ripping the whole thing up!

Also, stay around on here as much as you can...making friends or at least becoming familiar with some folks on here has also helped

I like this idea, maybe I should start researching some new fish species and then grow some new plants. I'm not happy with how I have lost interest in fish. Fish keeping has always given me imense joy, and I am so sad that I am unable to keep up with them as I should.

 

[TheTenthDoctor]

@GaryE the problem for me is more it creeps up on me, and then by then I am too incapacitated to do anything. On the brighter side I have been going to therapy so thats good.

 

[TheTenthDoctor]

I couldn't agree more with @GaryE depression has been an issue on and off for me most of my life. It is only in my mid 30's that I actually recognised what was going on and got some help.

I have to admit I'm a bit rubbish at taking care of myself, I should be talking to a therapist and getting some extra tools to learn to deal with it. However I make a bunch of excuses because doing that scares the hell out of me. Be better than me

Around Nov last year I started losing interest in everything again, no motivation to partake in any of my many hobbies and spending a lot of time just wasting time and getting into a bit of a negative spiral. Called the doctors and got put back on the same meds again, took a few weeks for them to get working and move past the side effects but feeling a lot more level now. For me I have found that a few months on the meds tends to get me to a good place for quite some time, even after weening back off them again. Just have to always be vigilant for those little signs that things aren't quite processing as they should be.

Just like above I'm a middle aged bloke that "isn't supposed to talk about his feelings and just get on with it". That is such a toxic mindset and so many peoples lives are made a nightmare just because they are too scared to talk about these things and get help. Hence the wall of text here

There is nothing wrong with getting help and using medication if you need to. Your not at fault, its a fix for incorrect brain chemistry. You wouldn't feel bad about wearing glasses to fix an eyesight problem or a support for a sprained joint.

It's also worth pointing out that sometimes find the right medication and dosage can take some trail and error. Also side effects while your body adjusts are super common so its important to stick with it and talk with your doctor.

Back to the more fishy side of this conversation though. Keeping fish is a weird kind of hobby.

There is a lot to learn and its exciting to setup a new tank, doing research, buying new things, setting it up and watching it come together.

But then once that is all finished with it just basically turns into a bit of furniture that needs a little maintenance every so often. That is why multiple tank syndrome is such a common thing, everyone is chasing that buzz of setting up something new.

The issue with MTS though is that there are only so many tanks you can realistically have and eventually the maintenance time required for so many tanks becomes off putting in itself.

Having been in and out of the hobby for a few decades I have gone through having multiple tanks, having breeding setups, going saltwater/reef, etc, etc. No matter what there will always come a point where the "newness" wears off and then it's just work.

My advice is to keep it simple. Limit how many tanks you have, keep fish that you enjoy watching and work out maintenance routines that are quick and easy to follow.

I already got rid of one tank, so soon I'll break down anther one until I'm ready to get into it again. Thank you for all the kind words

 

[vanalisa]

At this point my guppy tank is overrun with algae, my 20 gallon has completly gone to pot and will have to be torn down, and the only ones that are doing well are my 5.5 and 10 gallon. Those are somewhat ok.

Well, look at it this way...

 

[GaryE]

@GaryE the problem for me is more it creeps up on me, and then by then I am too incapacitated to do anything. On the brighter side I have been going to therapy so thats good.

It creeps up on everyone. That's a problem, and why I try to use my hobby as a barometer. I know I love it, and when the interest fades, well, something's creeping.
Hang in with the therapy. Again, as the attempted tough guy, I thought it would be a waste of time. It wasn't - and I learned a lot I use now. I waited til I was past 60 to get help, and I really should have gotten off my butt and dealt with this in my 20s. We live and learn, and hope we can support each other.

 

[Colin_T]

I will go into the woods this evening for a walk

If you go down in the woods today, you're sure of a big surprise
If you go down in the woods today, you'd better go in disguise
For every bear that ever there was
Will gather there for certain because
Today's the day the teddy bears have their picnic

 

[vanalisa]

I will go into the woods this evening for a walk

If you go down in the woods today, you're sure of a big surprise
If you go down in the woods today, you'd better go in disguise
For every bear that ever there was
Will gather there for certain because
Today's the day the teddy bears have their picnic

 

[WhistlingBadger]

Here's what a Teddy Bear Picnic looks like in the Rockies.

 

[Wills]

Its so great to see everyone supporting each other like this

I'm going to throw my hat in the ring too when I'm not in the right zone my tanks have always suffered, its one of the things I enjoy about the aquascaping side of the hobby you can completely reinvigorate your tank and have it feel almost new. I find the process really theraputic, I take the time when I need to do it to make it all about me, I put on my favourite radio, podcast or music shut the door on everyone else and have a few hours to myself and just seeing the tank go from dirty and algae coated to clean and refreshed really helps. Litterally a metaphor for how I'm feeling.

I took a few years out of the hobby because my big tank got too much when I was working waaay too much so when I left that job I set up this new tank and it was purposfully to be an indicator as to if I am looking after myself and if I have that balance we all need. It did slip a bit recently but back on track now

George Farmer is a great advocate of the mental health benefit of aquariums and it might be worth hunting out some of his content as I find it really inspirational the way he speaks about it. Infact I just checked out his podcast and there is an episode dedicated to it https://open.spotify.com/episode/4yBIl8XL3fJ6w5kstMceOV?si=4aa3193f51914ba4

Wills

 

[Colin_T]

I hope those bears put the bin out on the verge afterwards.

 

[TheTenthDoctor]

Its so great to see everyone supporting each other like this

I'm going to throw my hat in the ring too when I'm not in the right zone my tanks have always suffered, its one of the things I enjoy about the aquascaping side of the hobby you can completely reinvigorate your tank and have it feel almost new. I find the process really theraputic, I take the time when I need to do it to make it all about me, I put on my favourite radio, podcast or music shut the door on everyone else and have a few hours to myself and just seeing the tank go from dirty and algae coated to clean and refreshed really helps. Litterally a metaphor for how I'm feeling.

I took a few years out of the hobby because my big tank got too much when I was working waaay too much so when I left that job I set up this new tank and it was purposfully to be an indicator as to if I am looking after myself and if I have that balance we all need. It did slip a bit recently but back on track now

George Farmer is a great advocate of the mental health benefit of aquariums and it might be worth hunting out some of his content as I find it really inspirational the way he speaks about it. Infact I just checked out his podcast and there is an episode dedicated to it https://open.spotify.com/episode/4yBIl8XL3fJ6w5kstMceOV?si=4aa3193f51914ba4

Wills

I think I will begin to plan for a low maintenence, mostly rooted plants, walstad tank, a tank with hardy fish that will be fine if I neglect them, a tank that won't mind an occasional lapse in care. Something that doesn't need constant monitoring.

 

[Wills]

I think I will begin to plan for a low maintenence, mostly rooted plants, walstad tank, a tank with hardy fish that will be fine if I neglect them, a tank that won't mind an occasional lapse in care. Something that doesn't need constant monitoring.

You should experiment with terrestrial plants growing from the top it will really help. Maybe try and keep a wet pet so it’s in the tank alone and happy some of the target puffers are really personable - targets and hairy potatoes are cool

 

[TheTenthDoctor]

I did a water change!!!!