Agreed, they are slow growers. For the money they often command to get one, they can turn out quite ugly. Then again, you get some that are absolute beauts. It really is hit and miss, and you won't really know unless you get them from a reputable source and have seen the parents.
As for minimum tank size a 55G is about right. My male EBJD is jsut over 8" from tip to tail and anything other than a 16" wide tank is too small IMO. I currently have a proven spawning pair in a 63G and i think they look a tad cramped. The bigger you can house them the better. At heart they are a normal Jack Dempsey, like any other, and they do benefit from having a substantial sized shoaler as a dither to make them feel secure.
I've found sub-dued lighting and a slow current helps bring them out more. If you have a powerfull filter, aim it toward the rear/front glass to slow the current somewhat, mine seem to like it.