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[Sorrell]

I am really worried about this situation. You have stated that you worry that no one else could love you and that you are scared to leave him. That right there makes you a perfect canidate for abuse. That coupled with a few other things. Firstly he chooses to hurt you when you fight instead of expressing his feelings in other ways. Second, he chooses to hurt you by hurting an innocent thing. That is very dangerous. You stated that you live at home? Where's your mother through all this?

I can see that you don't really want to hear any of this. I've been there and I wouldn't have listened either, but I can't in good conscience not tell you to get out now...take it as you will

 

[RandomWiktor]

You sound exactly like every single battered woman I've ever heard on TV; you love a man even though he threatens the things you love, hurts innocent creatures, and uses fear to keep you in the relationship. He knows you think no one else will love you, and probably encourages those feelings by treating you like dirt, because it ensures that you won't leave. As someone else here said, I know two years feels like a long time at your age, but in the broad scheme of things, it is just the blink of an eye. Most highschool relationships crumble and fall once the stresses of college and work come into the picture anyways. And furthermore, a relationship isn't a waste just because it didn't end in marriage; how could you say such a thing? You must have had good times as well as bad to love him so much. You'll always have those memories, those experiences, and thus, it can never be a waste. If anything, it will only make you stronger and better prepared for other relationships down the road from now.

I know it is a difficult thing to hear, but the consensus seems to be that this guy really has some troubles. Don't fall into the "but I can change him" trap, because no one can be changed unless they are willing to change themselves. Trust me, I've nearly gone down the tubes trying to help people who just don't want to change and won't until they're ready. And by crawling back continually no matter how badly he treats you, because once in a while he's sweet, you're just proving to him that he can sustain your relationship with the most minimal amount of effort on his part. What is encouraging him to change his ways? Nothing.

I don't think any of us can convince you, dear, but please really think about this. You're so young still, don't get into a situation now that will affect you for the rest of your life.

 

[Raechal]

My mom usually splits us apart when we are fighting and drives him to his friend's house or somewhere else so we just stop yelling and arguing. I mean I know what he was was really awful, but he isn't THAT bad of a man...I still love him.

I understand what all of you are saying and I will NOT go back to him if he doesn't change. We are kind of like boyfriend and girlfriend still as we will not date other people, but act more like friends. Like seeing each other only once every week and just for a short period of time, maybe a few hours at the most or something. Then I will see if he has changed and if he does I will give him another chance. If not, I KNOW he won't change because he doesn't want to and then it will be over. I just have feelings for him and care for him a lot. I still love him even though he hurt a poor animal.

It is not that I am scared of him because he will abuse me, I meant I was scared to leave because I don't think anyone will ever want to be with me again or love me.

Well, I am over it for now and I don't really feel like re-living it again. I really appreciate everyone's advice and I will take everything into consideration before I make anymore choices.

 

[littlefishie]

It is not that I am scared of him because he will abuse me, I meant I was scared to leave because I don't think anyone will ever want to be with me again or love me.

Why on earth would you feel that way?
You're 17, you have the whole world ahead of you.. Of course there will be someone else to love you, you won't be alone in life..

Keep your chin up, girl.. Sam won't be the only man in your life who loves you.. someone else will come along.

 

[fishdudein]

I mean I know what he was was really awful, but he isn't THAT bad of a man...I still love him.

I understand what all of you are saying and I will NOT go back to him if he doesn't change. ......... Then I will see if he has changed and if he does I will give him another chance. If not, I KNOW he won't change because he doesn't want to and then it will be over. I just have feelings for him and care for him a lot. I still love him even though he hurt a poor animal.

Hon, I know you really aren't wanting to hear this stuff. You may not be ready to hear it.

You may be able to get someone to change their ways if it is a bad habit like picking his nose or something. But this kind of behavior goes way deeper, and you cannot force a person to change that kind of behavior.(I tell you this from the perspective of having spent the better part of the first 30 years of my life trying). They will not change until THEY need to change...your needs are non-existant here. Don't waste your time. There are many many good years ahead of you, please enjoy them, life is too short to put up with crap like this.

 

[Sorrell]

It is not that I am scared of him because he will abuse me, I meant I was scared to leave because I don't think anyone will ever want to be with me again or love me.

Well, I am over it for now and I don't really feel like re-living it again. I really appreciate everyone's advice and I will take everything into consideration before I make anymore choices.

I'm not saying that you are scared to leave because he'll hurt you, I'm saying that the fact that you are scared to leave over insecurities makes you a perfect canidate for abuse.

That's all I'll say on it, it's obvious these things are falling on deaf ears and I'll just get more upset on the lack of concern for the fish's behalf as well as your own

 

[Raechal]

I am VERY concerned about my fish as well as myself. But the way I feel can NOT just be changed over night. I am sorry if you are upset by the way I feel. It is not like I am crawling back to him and forgiving him for what he has done and telling him it is okay to do that. We are remaining as friends for now while I see if I can trust him again and see if he WILL change. If not, it's over.

 

[balasgouramisandlemontetras]

BASTARD(dont kill me admin) i luv animals wat a f@rk!n loser

 

[Erised]

I am VERY concerned about my fish as well as myself. But the way I feel can NOT just be changed over night. I am sorry if you are upset by the way I feel. It is not like I am crawling back to him and forgiving him for what he has done and telling him it is okay to do that. We are remaining as friends for now while I see if I can trust him again and see if he WILL change. If not, it's over.

Good girl Glad to see you're keeping your own opinion and dont let others change it.

Things will work out one way or another ... just know that you can Always change the situation. Perhaps not the way you'd like it to be, but it's still all in your hands.

 

[webcat5]

I would not give this guy the time of day!!! If he can do this to a fish then it is only a matter of time that he will do something to you!!! What happens if you piss him off, is he going to slap you around? Did you know that most men that abuse women start out abusing animals? If he has that bad of a time controlling his temper and does not even want to discuss with, or listen to you he is not worth it. Things will only get worse as time goes by. He needs to grow up.

 

[NinjaSmurf]

But the way I feel can NOT just be changed over night.

Then what makes you think he will change the way he feels either? I'm sorry, a few hours a week is plenty of time to act the way a person wants to see.

Maybe I'm just being grumpy about it, but my family had to go through hell for seven years because he kept promising to change, because he was sorry, because he wouldn't do it again and he loved us and blahblahblahblah.... and my mom would go back to him, again and again and again....

But, it's your choice. I can't make you listen anymore than you can make him if he doesn't want to. I would tell you that if you must try it again with him to have at least a month of not seeing each other so you can think objectively, but like I already said...

But having your mom split you guys up when you fight just reminds me too much of kids or puppies, and not adults in a relationship.

I won't say anymore on the subject but this... If he does start stuff again, don't be afraid to tell us, we won't tell you we told you so.

 

[Jen21]

I'm sorry your fishies died..

It must make you feel so good that so many people care about you here and want to help you.

I know you love this guy... but he needs to grow up and you deserve so much better than him. I know its hard now..., but in the long run, in a few years when you're with a guy who treats you like gold, you will be so happy you didn't settle for your current love.

Good luck and stay strong.