^^ pretty much that!!
My dad was away a lot when i was growing up and it was blissfull as he had no patience for us at all, when we got older it was a lot better. My dads always worked 16 hour + days so we didnt see so much of him and when we did, he was exhausted, though weekends were excellant.
My dad was always very strict, especially with me, i was always getting punished (probably because i was a right little sodpot lol) but right from the age of 5 or so, he would teach me how to do washing and drying up properly, all the chores he showed me how to do properly... everything had to be done properly and he would teach me how to do it. He always had time to help me with my homework and even now at 24 (and after 5 years of freedom having moved back home) he still reads my coursework for me
He taught me to ride my bike and then he taught me to drive, it took years of patience and no doubt... a lot of terror and sleepless nights! In the end he picked up his phone and wallet and made me get in my car and drive.... just drive and drive and drive, he wouldnt tell me were but he said i wasnt going to stop driving until i had some confidence (had failed 3 tests by this point!) and i had no idea where we were but i drove for about 150 miles before my dad said "so how are you enjoying Wales?"
i'd just driven from Reading to Wales and not realised it, we spent day walking round a castle and chatting and then i got to drive the 150 miles back again! It was the best day out ever and not long later i passed my test and no one was more proud than my daddy
I have clear memories from when i was about 4 of my dad waking me up at 4 in the morning and sneaking me out the house and we joined up for a walk with the National Trust near Whipsnade and it was an early dawn 'bird walk' and we stopped to have cooked breakfast and got home before anyone was up. Was our little secret (though no doubt mum knew really!) and i loved that!
----------
I think its all about sticking to your guns. You are supportive but firm, you set boundaries and if they are crossed... their are consequences. For me, i got time out in the corner (had to stand in the corner with my nose against the wall or else i got a smack) or i just got smacked etc.
But i always had lines that i crossed before i got punished and when i got punished, they would check i understood what i had done wrong.
I was always encouraged in everything i did, i had a star chart that encouraged me to be helpful as with set number of stars meant i got a treat (was Polly Pocket at that age!) and sugary drinks and sweets were severely limited. We had 'sweety day' on friday where it was an absolute blissful treat to open up the cat cookie jar and choose a chocolate biscuit to eat. Now and then, my dad would sneak me a sweet and it made my life so much better, not for the sweet as such but because my daddy gave it to me and it wasnt sweety day!
I was always brought up to respect other peoples feelings and give up things i wanted for the sake of other people, i would share my toys andsometimes give them to other kids who had less. On the bus, even as a little kid, i would insist on offering my seat to someone else.
I love both my parents to bits, i was always a bit of a mummys girl just because she was the soft touch
and my dad was the one that disciplined us but i always did and always will have the uttermost respect for both my parents because soft touch or not... i was ALWAYS aware that my parents worked as a team and that playing them off against each other didnt work and would most likely end in trouble.
I hated being punished but i wish for 90% of kids these days their parents would punish them a good deal more often! Kids these days are spoilt, have no manners and no discipline. It makes them rude and lazy, they expect everything to come to them and eventually they end up flunking school because why should they bother when the world is against them!? Plenty of times i'd have loved to give peoples kids a good smack
it might not be the done thing any more because people take it too far but as much as i hated it at the time, im a far better person for it.
