Limericks

[tony92]

share with us your limericks please!
mine is-
There was a Betta Splenden
Every one thought he was splendid!
With a swish of his tail,
He gave a wail
For he had gotton upended

sorry for the bad one, but im doing homework now and i have to write them, had to do a fishy one

 

[Fawke]

Mary had a little snail
she really liked to pet it
'til her brother went to france
then came back home and
ATE IT!

 

[steelhealr]

There was a young man from Bengal
Who went to a fancy dress ball
He went just for fun
Dressed up as a bun
And a dog ate him up in the hall.

SH

 

[PlecMama]

Damn, I don't know any clean ones

oh yes I do


Two ugly old ladies from Horden,
went out for a walk, cos of boredom,
on the way back - a sex maniac - jumped out from a bush....and ignored 'em

 

[TwoTankAmin]

There once was a poet named Dan,
Who's verses would never scan.
When told so,
Said yes i know.
But that is because I always try to fit as many words into the last line as I possibly can.

 

[blfoster]

My dad wrote this one:

The missionary lady was sweet,
Said the chief as he munched on her feat.
But if it's wrong in god's eyes
To cannibalize,
Then he wouldn't have made man with meat.

 

[orientmatt]

There was a young man from china,
And he wasn't a very good climber,
He slipped on a rock,
And cut off his c**k,
And now his got a vagina.

There was a young man from Leeds,
Who swallowed a packet of seeds.
In half an hour his bum was a flower,
And his d**k was packed out with weeds.

 

[rubberdoofa]

Oh ek well iveknown these for years....just hope i dont get in to trouble for any

There once was a young vicar from kings,
who's mind was on heavenly things,
but his heart was on fire,
for someone in the chior,
who's a**e was like jelly on springs.
-------------------------------------
Little birdy on my window,
sang for a piece of bread,
i slowly braught the window down,
and smushed his little head.
--------------------------------------
The d*** of a fellow named randall,
fired sparks like a big roman candal,
he was much in demand,
for the colours where grand,
but his wife found him to hot to handle.
-----------------------------------------
I know a few more its just ded late and i cant see the keyboard no longer to type

 

[PlecMama]

This is on the back of the toilet door, top of Mount Snowdon, North Wales:

There was a young man from Doonras,
whose b*llocks were made out of brass,
in windy weather, they clanged together and sparks flew out of his a*se.

My sister and I found it when we were 10 & 11 and it was by far the funniest thing we had ever seen - probably accounts for why I still remember it 26 years later.