Jokes

[GAB99]

these two old guys were at a retirment home, their names were fred and bill, they both questioned if there was baesball i heaven and they promised each other that whoever died first would come back and tell the other, well bill died and a few months later he reappears in front of bill

"hey" bill days "there IS baseball in heaven, but i have some bad news..."

"what?" said fred

"your pitchin this friday"





a family drops off their annoying grandmother at an elderly home to see how she will like it, they place her in frint of a window and after a while she leans to the left, onlyto be propped back up by supervisors, after another setof time she starts to lean the other way to be once again pushed back in place. the family comes back and asks her

"did you enjoy it?"

"yeah, it was nice" said the old lady, "but they wont let you fart."

 

[FWFishLover]

So, three guys die and go to heaven, at the gates an angel tells them that they cant step on the ducks, when they ask why he replies "i dont know, god just love ducks"
so they walk in and the ducks are just everywhere, after like 5 minutes one guy accidentally steps on a duck, all of a sudden two angels come and grab him and handcuff him to the ugliest girl he's ever seen, then they release the two and they rejoin the two guys. so the four of them are walking and then the second guy accidentally steps on a duck and the same thing happens. so they continue on walking and the third guy is basically dragging his feet at this point because he doesnt want to step on a duck, then all of a sudden two angels come and grab him and he just yells "I DIDNT STEP ON A DUCK!!!! WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS!?!?!?" and all of a sudden he is handcuffed to the most beautiful girl he has ever seen, and says, "what did i do to deserve you?" (in a omg way) and she replies, "i dont know what YOU did but I stepped on a duck"


So three guys learn that there is a island in the sky that grants wishes, all you have to do is jump out of a jet/plane onto it with out a parachute and yell your wish,
so these three guys are in the plane and one jumps off and yells "i wanna be a millionaire!!!" and he hits the island and is standing there with money everywhere, the second guy yells "I wish i was an astronaut!!!" and when he lands he is in the astronaut outfit. the third guy is deathly afraid of heights and says "I CANT DO IT!!!!" the jumping instructor then says "TOO BAD!" and kicks him off and he yells "OH CRAP!!" and when he lands he's a pile of poop


Q: what do you call a mexican-iraqi?

A: Jose ALLAH-Handro

Je.sus may be able to walk on water but chuck norris can swim through land

 

[vampire-queen]

Right i have one
man walks into a pub with a giraffe and they have some drinks the giraffe falls down and the man forgets it and starts to walk out the pub than the landlord says"oi you cant leave that loin here" than the man says"its not a loin its a drunk giraffe have you never seen one"

i know its not funny but

Vampire-queen

 

[chrisbassist]

Camerons favourite joke:

Nick Clegg

 

[markandhisfish]

i just split up with my cross eyed girlfriend............im sure she was seeing somebody else!

unfortunately most of my best jokes would be deemed unsuitable for addition to the forum

 

[ian]

(you might have to say it out loud)

what did the Mexican fireman call his children?
















































Hose A and Hose B