I Need Some Guy Advice

[Bluesand1313]

Last time I asked for advice on here, you guys gave me some REALLY good advice that I couldn't find anywhere else. And now I'm hoping you can help me again.
 
So basically, I've been hooking up with this guy. And I guess it's also a situation i've managed to wiggle myself into as well as some guy advice. Lets start with the guy advice and move onto the more complex topic later.
 
Well, I think it's safe to say that we kiss. Who doesn't? And now I'm asking; before he would never really get totally into it, just kind of you know, kiss and stuff. But today he was actually really into it (I think? This is what I need your help on lol) and was like kissing really hard and fast and stuff. Does this mean anything, or is it just another kiss?
 
Next, the situation. Him and my best friend had a .. fight. But he didn't realize he did anything wrong. And so I told her she should tell him that she was upset so he can fix it, but she never did and now she's been depressed. When she was crying (she's just really emotional, he didn't do anything that bad) she told me to not see him anymore. At the time I was mad at him for hurting my best friend and I said 'I know'. But after a week of thinking, I couldn't not see him anymore. I couldn't just choose. And so while we were kissing there was a knock at the door and I panicked and told him that if it was my friend, she can't know he was here. Turns out it was just some delivery guy, but because I blurted that out (being so sure it was her!) I had to awkwardly explain to him that she was upset by the thing he did. And then he had to leave (He was on his way out when I had to tell him so he didn't leave because of what I said.. I hope.) and it was just kind of awkward and stuff.. He said he would talk to me best friend about it but I'm scared she's going to find out I was with him and told him because I said I wouldn't do that and I wouldn't have if it wasn't for the delivery guy and I was going to talk to her and tell her that I couldn't just stop seeing him but it never seemed like the right time because she's been so depressed about little things like somebody bugging her in the wrong way lately it never seemed like the right time.
 
This is just a huge mess...

 

[ncguppy830]

well was this the sme guy you kissed at that party?

 

[Bluesand1313]

No. This is a different guy.

 

[ncguppy830]

well if he was a fish, this would be way easier.

 

[Bluesand1313]

Haha yes it would xD

 

[KrystaK]

Sounds sort of like a situation I was in when I was younger.
 
First of all, kissing, obviously it'll lead elsewhere. Take it at face value, if said actions are getting more intense, so is the relationship in general. Be smart
 
Anyways, onto this situation I was in. I dated a guy for a few months. We kissed a little, but nothing really, we broke up in like Dec. Anyways a few weeks later (We remained friends) he comes to hang out at lunch. He brings with him his friend, whom is dating my best friend. Well according to my friend we flirted (me and her boyfriend.) Both her boyfriend and I denied this, we were just being friendly. (People have different ideas of what flirting is, and what was flirting to some isn't to others.) Anyways, my best friend and her bf broke up, they had a bad break up and couldn't be around each other without her saying something rude about him and he would call her out. Within the next three months she was dating the guy I had broken up with but was still friends with. Me and her ex boy friend started hanging out - purely as friends. He asked my out a twice and I said no both times. When my friend and my ex had dated for about three months (And valentines day was coming up and I felt incredibly lonely because they hung out around me and were mushy all the time.) I started considering going out with her ex. I held off until March break, and then decided, what the heck, why not. We started dating. 
Anyways, my friend got mad at me about dating her ex without asking her. (Well, to be fair she never asked me if I was alright with her dating my ex) (Which I was fine with.) Anyways, it got to the point where she wanted me to decide between her and him. My bf (her ex) was fine if I hung out with her, just as long as he didn't have to. The fact that my friend was trying to influence who I dated simply because she didn't like him (Not that he was bad for me or anything) made me very angry. And I choose him. 
That was four years ago, and we're still together. 
My friend and I stopped being friends after that. There were many times where she tried to patch things up. I was okay with it the first few times, but she was always trying to tell me things that were wrong with my bf. To be honest, I didn't want to be around someone who just belittled others. That wasn't someone I wanted to spend my time with. 
 
So this relates to your problem in that two significant people in your life have had an altercation and now one of them is asking you to choose your favorite. In your case, in an attempt to keep both happy - well maybe not happy - is to make time to see each separately. So maybe hang out at school with your friend and after school with this boy. Or something along those lines. Explain to your friend that you don't want to have to choose, that it is in no way fair to you. The fact that she has a problems with this boy is between her and him. And that it isn't your problem. I understand that she probably wants support and is having a rough time and all, and as her best friend you should support her, but she has to understand that she is causing you stress that isn't necessary. If she has a problem with this boy she should talk to him about it and try and solve it. 

 

[Nikki77D]

I agree with Krystak its between her and him nothing to do with you, if what he did wasn't super bad then its between them, and she should have told him it in the first place. Guys arnt like girls, they don't realize when they do something wrong lol. Its kinda a favour to her in a way that you told him and now they can talk and she can move on from the situation. Just don't beat your self up over things when its really not your fault.

 

[sputnick]

This is just a huge mess...

 
I hate to say it but I've been in much worse situations than that and I'm not proud of it.. but the good news is that this is a relatively easy situation to solve.
 
But first to your first question about the kissing. Being an 18 year old male myself, generally when the kissing gets fast and "heavy" it GENERALLY means that we want something.. if you know what I mean. But it can also be a sign of great affection. It all depends on the body language given out. So just make sure you know where your personal limits lie and when your crossing them. Remember its your choice to say no and if he wont accept that answer then remove yourself from that situation as fast as possible and talk about it once things have settled down.
 
Next about your friend. Maybe try explaining your feelings to her about they guy and ask her if she could forgive him for you. Or better yet try to sit them down in the same room and have them talk it out with you as a mediator. But if it she refuses to forgive him then you need to do what is best for YOU! Sometimes it takes things like this to see who your true friends are. I've gone through a few similar situations in the past and I'm glad because it helped me realize that some of my friends weren't really my friends at all. Sometimes the right thing is the hardest thing to do, but you need to make decisions based on whats the best for you and not other people. Even friends, and only true friends will accept your decision and support it. I can tell you now that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger 

and that even though sometimes it may seem that things wont work out, they will in the end. 

Guys arnt like girls, they don't realize when they do something wrong lol.

 Hahahahahahahaha so true! 

Its so frustrating having a girl being mad at you and not knowing what you did! I've been in that situation too many times..

 

[Bluesand1313]

Thank you guys for the advice, I knew I could count on you all!
 
I will talk to her the next time I see her, let her know what's going on. Everybody in my real life keeps telling me to keep to my best friend, and I would, but I just can't choose, I can't. I tried to hate him for her, but I just couldn't do it. 
 
 

 

This is just a huge mess...

 
I hate to say it but I've been in much worse situations than that and I'm not proud of it.. but the good news is that this is a relatively easy situation to solve.
 
But first to your first question about the kissing. Being an 18 year old male myself, generally when the kissing gets fast and "heavy" it GENERALLY means that we want something.. if you know what I mean. But it can also be a sign of great affection. It all depends on the body language given out. So just make sure you know where your personal limits lie and when your crossing them. Remember its your choice to say no and if he wont accept that answer then remove yourself from that situation as fast as possible and talk about it once things have settled down.

 
Alright, I understand. He's really good when it comes to things like that, like if I don't want him to do something I'll just grab his hand and say "No." and he says "Okay" and he won't do it again. So I don't need to worry about that, he's good ^^. 
 
As for my friend again, I'll let you guys know what happens when I tell her. It will probably take some courage to tell her since I hate being in situations like this and I'm quite shy when it comes to 'secrets'. I'll tell her when she's not feeling so crappy about it and other things that set her off lately.

 

[Nikki77D]

This is just a huge mess...

 
I hate to say it but I've been in much worse situations than that and I'm not proud of it.. but the good news is that this is a relatively easy situation to solve.
 
But first to your first question about the kissing. Being an 18 year old male myself, generally when the kissing gets fast and "heavy" it GENERALLY means that we want something.. if you know what I mean. But it can also be a sign of great affection. It all depends on the body language given out. So just make sure you know where your personal limits lie and when your crossing them. Remember its your choice to say no and if he wont accept that answer then remove yourself from that situation as fast as possible and talk about it once things have settled down.
 
Next about your friend. Maybe try explaining your feelings to her about they guy and ask her if she could forgive him for you. Or better yet try to sit them down in the same room and have them talk it out with you as a mediator. But if it she refuses to forgive him then you need to do what is best for YOU! Sometimes it takes things like this to see who your true friends are. I've gone through a few similar situations in the past and I'm glad because it helped me realize that some of my friends weren't really my friends at all. Sometimes the right thing is the hardest thing to do, but you need to make decisions based on whats the best for you and not other people. Even friends, and only true friends will accept your decision and support it. I can tell you now that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger  and that even though sometimes it may seem that things wont work out, they will in the end. 

Guys arnt like girls, they don't realize when they do something wrong lol.

 Hahahahahahahaha so true!  Its so frustrating having a girl being mad at you and not knowing what you did! I've been in that situation too many times..

Lol, nicely said! Great advise, and yah I've learnt to just tell the guy what he did wrong right away cause ignoring and hints that I'm mad doesn't seem to get across a males brain

 

[TallTree01]

If it were me I'd just continue kissing the guy ( or a girl in my case LOL ) and leave him and your friend to solve their problem by themselves. But then, I'm a pretty lazy person.

 

[sputnick]

Thank you guys for the advice, I knew I could count on you all!
 
I will talk to her the next time I see her, let her know what's going on. Everybody in my real life keeps telling me to keep to my best friend, and I would, but I just can't choose, I can't. I tried to hate him for her, but I just couldn't do it. 
 
 

No one is saying that you have to hate one or the other. In fact Thats not what we are trying to say at all! If they can't work out the problem between themselves and you have tried your best to help them work it out then you need to sit down with each one and tell them what KrystaK said, its not fair that you should have to choose. But if you were to choose you would choose both and if either have a problem with it then you need to tell them that its not their choice if you want to still talk to and be friends with both. Then if they still have a problem and don't want to be your friend anymore then they don't deserve you as a friend. 

Keep your head up girly!

 

[Bluesand1313]

Didn't get to tell her today because I had to go home early. Hopefully I will be able to fix this with your help!

 

[Bluesand1313]

Well, I wasn't able to tell her. I tried but I could never bring myself to let it out. I know I should tell her, but I don't know how. I know it would be easier to talk about it over text, but also I don't think that's the right way, I think I should do it in person. I just have a hard time doing that.

 

[PrincessKiara]

Just think of it this way: If she doesn't react well then she cares more about herself than your friendship, and is not a good friend. You're doing nothing wrong.