How Do You?

easiest way is by colour. Females are normally grey and pretty drab whereas males are very colourful. There's also differences in shape and dorsal fin, but don't know enough about that to comment.

It should be pretty easy
 
most places don't carry the females, because they are less attractive. I only say this, because your question seems to suggest you are facing such a situation. If you saw a female you'd know it. I have 3 LFS that I frequent and only one carries female dwarfs.
 

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