Help With My Dad.

[hanny93]

First of all, I'm 17, so please don't think I'm being a whingy whiny brat!
Basically, my dad is not my real dad. He adopted me and my big sister when we were young because our real dad ran away.
He's always treated us differently to his biological children, and its noticeable, even my grandma notices and comments on it.
He's started being really horrible lately, like ignoring me, acting like I'm not there, and then praising and laughing with my younger siblings (sister 9 and brother 13)
The only time he ever talks to me is when he shouts at me or tells me to do something, like today for instance, he basically told me I'm a lazy piece of **** and that I should do all my washing and ironing and clean the house without being asked.
Now I know it sounds like I do nothing, but i do chores etc, I wash up after family meals, i sweep the kitchen, i vaccuum up and tidy rooms that I leave so it isnt messy, and noones ever asked me or said I should do my washing. It's out of the blue.
Whenever I try and contest his arguments he just screams at me that im lying and that im lazy and do nothing.
Its horrible for my mum because he pretty much forced my older sister who was 15 at the time to move out into my grandmas and she started self harming and i know my mum gets upset.
My boyfriend lives with us aswell because of family problems at his house, and whenever he is at home my dad acts all nice to me, asking me if i want a drink or soemthing, but as soon as he goes my dad acts like im not there.

Does this seem unfair to you? and does anyone have any suggestions as to what i can do, other than talking to him, because that really doesnt work.
I go to university in September but I'd like to have a good summer at home.
Sorry for the long post, I need to get it all out

Please watch your language!

 

[seffieuk]

HiHanny

It all sounds very stressful, do you have a counsellor at college that you could share your concerns with?

Seffie x

 

[bae1994]

HiHanny

It all sounds very stressful, do you have a counsellor at college that you could share your concerns with?

Seffie x

would also be my first thought

 

[hanny93]

Yeah we do but she refers to God in everything and says I should pray to relive my thoughts, but I'm atheist (I go to a MArist college) and although it might appeal to some, it doesnt to me.
Thanks anyway <3

 

[james_fish]

Yeah we do but she refers to God in everything and says I should pray to relive my thoughts, but I'm atheist (I go to a MArist college) and although it might appeal to some, it doesnt to me.
Thanks anyway <3

Just tell her that you are not religious, she will understand.

Could you not get someone to have a word with him about the issue? An uncle, grandad, or even your boyfriend?

James.

 

[Better is Betta]

Hi Hanny just reading about your situation. None of us can tell you what to do or give you advice on what you should do. None of us are counselors. But you are not alone with this, there are many children in the same situation as you. I've been there myself and when I look back to the time this man came into our lives I think maybe I could have been different in the way I thought about him. I hated him straight away he invaded my life and changed it. I thought things were fine just living with my mom and my brother, now I had to live with him too. Yes his attitude was the same with me as your stepfather is with you. When I think back to those days I wonder if I had the right attitude towards him maybe things would have been different. If I showed him that I liked him and treated him with respect he may have liked me more and been more easy to talk to. But that is my situation where as yours may be quite different. Your college counselor told you to pray and yes that wont help you if you don't believe. But the bible was written by wise men and given to all of us to use to help people cope in a chaotic world and one phrase that comes to mind when it involves young teenagers "There is a frustrating of plans where there is no confidential talk" If there is no confidential talk children and parents can become strangers in the house. Like I said I cant tell you what you should do but in myself talking creates understanding. I wish you all the best Hanny. You seem a level headed girl you've done well to get yourself into Uni.
Bev.

 

[Better is Betta]

Oh dear I may have come across as a B.... I didn't mean to sound like a know it all when it came to the subject with counseling. All of you gave very good advice for Hanny and was very helpful. My apologies everyone.

 

[Curiosity101]

I've gotta echo something betta touched upon. I've found that in alot of families problems start when communication stops and people start making assumptions (often negative ones). That build and build until there is a big big wall between two or more people where one is convinced the other hates them/dissaproves of them etc etc. When you're in the situation it's hard to be objective kinda thing, in the same way that you'll treat family/familiar people way way different to new people. For example you would never talk back or correct someone you'd just met (not saying you do it's just and example), and vice versa parents wouldn't scream at and demand things of someone who is already pulling their weight. But that's because you're there with eachother 24/7.

I can only suggest what has already been suggested, Ie. finding a counselor to talk to. Cause families can be very complicated. You could even try the doctors as they can often refer to a good counselor.

Aside from that, if it's summer you're mainly thinking about. Have you considered trying to travel over summer? If you're 18 by the start or summer then there are alot of opportunities to travel (inc with your boyfriend if you don't want to leave him behind). Do some googling and see if you can find anything that would suit. Lots of bar jobs open up, plus there are some course type thingys that are run over summer that you might be able to apply for such as working in an american summer camp with Bunac.