UPDATE for those that know me sort of. I have been to hell and back since my last post. So this is really kind of goodbye. Basically have been in the hospital of and on the last couple of weeks. After my last post which turned rather personal. I was freaking out. In the end I just have given all my fish stuff to my fishkeeper to sell /whatever. He is currently trying to find homes for my fish, especially the Dojo loaches and Plecos - which have become large enough to feel like pets to both of us, but because of their size they need to go to somebody local before pursuing a euthanasia of all of him, Because once those are gone, The tanks, everything will be much easier to transport out of my house. If my Dojos and Plecos and other fish are some way taken care of he won't have to keep running over here to keep the tanks clean. The pleco's and Dojos are big enough to feel kind of like pets (8" for the Plecos., 12-15 inches for the Dojos. The Dojos in particular are very entertaining they frequently get their head up out of the water and kind of "dance" around the tank that way - it's almost like Dolphins performing in my fish tank. I have 3 large Dojos and they feel like pets to both me and my Fish keeper but he is trying to find homes for all the fish. Problem with the Dojos is that three of them plus a few smaller generate a LOT of pneumonia. He is still cleaning the tanks weekly and I'm trying to keep them fed and keep a watch on the Ammonia levels (I have alerts in the water stuck to the tank that have been awesome). Using Am Guard as needed to lower the Ammonia but I think with the weekly water change and me not being there to over feed them LOL the water is stable until the next cleaning time. I'm going to cut way back on the amounts I was feeding - that was contributing to the Ammonia issues.
I was just discharged to home from the hospital last night. Basically I think what happened was I forgot to take my medications for about 2 days. I say that because somewhere in these last 2 weeks I noticed that I still had 2 days where I should have taken' So what happened was I was going through severe morphine withdrawal. Before I could do anything about it I woke up from a very long nap to having hallucinations both auditory and visual, I managed to convince myself that my entire Neiborhood had turned into some type of street party complete with loud music etc. it was as if all the Hispanics in the neighborhood were celebrating some festival. Part of that festival was to play harmless tricks on each other. I have no idea if any Hispanics are even IN in my neighborhood or not, I know in the other half of my duplex is a very nice family - He is white and she is Philippine and just recently became a US citizens and they have two daughters ages about 11 and 3.. She is an RN while he does electrical, plumbing, heating with a local company I even mentored their older daughter for about 1 school year as part of something they were doing at the kids very small private school (they are Jesus Christ Latter Day Saints. that don't make any big deal about it. On the other side of me in a different is a sort of not particularly friendly black family headed by a single mother who youngest is about 3 then the next oldest is about 12 or 13 and then I thinks she has a couple of sons that kind of come and go so I don't think they live there but visit a lot. Also there is a niece somewhere in the picture and I had a run in from her right after they moved in, This was about 3 years ago right after they arrived we had a very heavy snow and I needed to go to the grocery store or somewhere and did a particularly bad job of backing out of my ridiculously difficult driveway. So I was not able to see where lawns and my driveway begin and end, I guess I somehow managed to drift into their yard and brushed against their huge row of lilac bushes (dormant in winter here) and break off a few small branches, When I returned home I found a very nasty note in my front door handle telling me that she had it all on video and if I did it again she was calling the police. WOW - I was so surprised. These are huge lilacs that haven't been pruned back in years and while they bloom they probably only produce less than half of what they should produce, Keep in mind she does not live there but was probably babysitting for the younger two children, But when they first moved in I went over to introduce myself and welcome them to the neighbor hood, Then in less than 3 months I get THAT kind of threat in my door, Since then I've had a few nice talks with the 11 yr old and a couple of semi-freindly visits with mom. Never heard or saw the niece again. I still suck with backing out of this horrible twisty long driveway and have pretty much stopped driving after that. Now I have everything delivered - RX,. groceries and a lot of Amazon shopping. Since COVID, nearly all the
So I wont' go into detail much about what I was hallucinating but John Lennon and David Bowie were in my head singing constantly, it would turn into a dull roar if I got stressed, Somehow got in touch with my cousin Tony and he came to my rescue and we made it too and from both hospitals in the City that day and night - I' don't remember all the details but got back home at some point and started getting worse - vomiting and all other forms of related things. Unfortunately didn't quite make it to the toilet (gross I know), My daughter and her husband finally showed up and while I frantically dealt with trying to clean myself up as well as the bathroom flloor. My daughter kept bringing me what I asked for like paper towels, cleaners like windex w/ ammonia, and a new set of clothes and underware socks etc. It was funny she;d just open the door as little as possible to give me what I needed while saying "I'm not looking, really I'm not looking" - this is the first time she's seen me without clothing and we are both pretty modest people and she was doing all she could to respect my modesty - in hindsight it was really getting pretty funny. In then end my old set of clothes a couple of my nicer towels (I think the Fish Keeper had put the old towels in the dryer before he left) all ended up in the trash. I don't think there was any smell because I had barely eaten for a couple of days and didn't have much left in my system. I managed to get the floor clean and get into the bathtub to wash my lower half LOL. .
After that was all over they tried to drive me to the hospital but I was two week to get up so they ended up calling an ambulance and getting me transported to the biggest hospital ER and they took me in immediately given how week I was. I don't know how much the doctors were told, but I ended up in the Psychiatric part of Intensive care until I was well enough to be moved to a less critical floor while I just ate and took my meds etc, for a few days.
So the plan is that the hospital Social worker was supposed to get me a Home Health care nurse, physical therapy and occupational therapy set up to come see me after discharge - but the company they were told to contact has failed to contact me. Now it's the weekend and nothing will happen until Monday. I think a lot of staff quit after dealing with the worst of Covid and seeing so many people die in such a short time. I think they still get some critical covid patients but overall Intensive care is pretty much back to normal. What SHOULD be happening while I'm going through all this is that my daughter is to pick out the top 3-or 4 Assisted Living or perhaps just some Senior Living with add-ons that you pay for like housekeeping and laundry. I think I'll be able to slay on my medications because I'll have plenty of time and I won't have the stress of keeping a 3 bedroom duplex clean. Between my pension and social security I pull in quite a bit of money each month plus I have about 80-100K invested. This came from a settlement I got from the car dealership where my husband slipped and fell and hit the back of his head and burst a blood vessel in his brain. Blood is toxic to the human brain and he was on 3 blood thinners so they couldn't operate without killing him. Unfortunately I eventually had him removed from all life support and he passed away about 30 minutes later. VERY sad, but while I'll alwawys adore him the severe pain of losing him is gone - so I'm ok. The man had experienced at least 8 heart attacks before a stupid slip on a very small patch of ice. I sued the dealership and they responded fairly quickly with a decent settlement - of course my attorney took 30% the state for some reason took another 20K or so. I bought a car and paid off a couple of small credit cards and invested the rest in stocks, bonds etc. through a local Edward Jones agent that was also my former son-in-law since he was married to one of my former adult step-children, So I always have 80-100K in that account and will meed about $1,000 a month until I die - keep in mind with my severe COPD I only have realistically about 5-8 yrs left to live. So, I trust my agent completely since I've known him for nearly 20 yrs. So it's all very sad but I'm long over the worst pain of that idea and just need to get out of my duplex to a safer environment - frankly everything has fallen in place with such good timing I may end up believing in God and even attending church once in a while (my best friend from my high school and college years happens to be married to the best minister I have ever heard and he and my friend have done the funerals for both my mother and my husband, Best funerals I've EVER attended and very detailed (he had some info from his wife about my mother and husband ) There were a lot of funny stories too, In the case of my husband ALL his children and sisters (from New York) flew in , And - get this - my husband's EX WIFE put together an awesome buffet and held the reception in her real estate office! So bottom line is that there will be as happy ending for me as possible. I can afford close to some of the most highly rated "senior living'" places in the city which will likely run me about $4,000 per month but I make $4,000 (but I have to pay my health insurance and TV/Internet out of that $4,000 so I'll be slowly liquidating my assets over the next 5-8 years depending on how my investment function, I'm really excited, All of the places I'll be looking at serve 3 meals per day in their dining hall or you probably can have it delivered to your room and they also have a "grill" and./or salad type of stuff you can order instead of what they are serving, My dad and step-mother actually lived in one of them so we even ate there with them a few time (the Senior place just bills your for your guest's food and the meals are usually $10 or less. And their food was really very good. I'll also have a very small kitchen in my one bedroom or studio Apartment so I can alway cook something or microwave something. Oh, I can also bring my cat, They all include housekeeping once per week but litter box may be a separate fee.
I'm only 61 and will be living with people mostly between 70 and 90 yrs old, but had my husband lived he'd be 71 by now, Amazing how I still feel about 16 mentally and I love classic rock and alternative/grunge so it's ok, Had my husband not been in failing health he may have continued to play week-ends with some of the local bands ( he was keyboard player with a band for about 15 yrs and I'd go out and be at the band wives table, That seems like ages ago but it really wasn't, My Uncle on my dad's side is still alive and was a former High School band director in Washington state but he loved all kinds of music even at 80 yrs old, Plus my grandmother was one of the most loved person in my life (she died when I was 19 and I was heartbroken, She had wonderful stories about the depression and trying to feed all the men traveling across country looking for work, She'd give them something to do while she cooked them a huge amount of pancakes and eggs (they had chickens) and pack them enough food to hopefully get to their next nice person, She just never let them in the house and always kept a knife or some very sharp scissors in her apron pocket. So I'll likely have some fun listening to these folks and playing bingo or whatever, So that's where my story ends, Wishing all of you the best of luck in life. Start saving now so you'll have at least some money to help pay for your retirement,
If you are religious or just casual about it - please think really good thoughts about my fish ending up in some very nice home or homes. I have grown to care about all of them down to my fluorescent little tetras and grumpy looking dwarf Goramie. . In turn I wish you all the best in your fishing endeavors - especially the newbie fish keeper, you will find some good advice hear but don't forget to learn to research your problem yourself first - THEN come here. You'll not only get better advice but will also get more respect, Peace and Love folks - Jan.
