Bloodworm Disaster

[zelandonia]

RandomWiktor,

What you are going through is really tough and being hard on yourself seems like the best punishment for what happened. However, the way I see it you really shouldn't be punishing yourself. You have always done the absolute best thing for the care and wellbeing of your bettas. The fact that your betta ate 3 bloodworms together and couldn't deal with it was a pure accident. You would never have fed her 3 if you have known the outcome. You did not have any intent to hurt your betta so I think you need to forgive yourself. On another day and time 3 bloodworms would have gone down just fine, just not that day, unfortunately. I have also had an experience where my actions unintentionally resulted in the death of an animal. I beat myself up for it over the weekend but then I forgave myself and moved on. The most important thing is that you learn something from it and in that way your can honour the life of your betta. It would be even better if you stayed on the forum and continued to post about all your varied experiences and helped other people avoid similar problems that you have encountered. Creating something good from something so sad is the best way to help you forgive yourself. Remember, you would have never damaged her gills intentionally and it you could have saved her you would. That makes you a great betta owner so try not to beat yourself up about it. You don't deserve that.

z.

 

[Inchworm]

Hi RandomWiktor,

I'm very sorry about your loss.

But since I noticed that betta keepers need tweezers that aren't pointy, I wanted to suggest that you look in a shop that sells collectible postage stamps. Stamp collectors use a variety of tweezers to handle fragile, and often expensive, stamps and a good shop will carry tweezers with an assortment of different shapes and sizes, including ones with oval shaped or rounded ends.

 

[Karah's_Mommy]

Sorry for you loss OA.

I use blunt toothpicks to feed bloodworms to my guys. The bloodworm kinda sticks to it and the fish swim up and pulls it off. No worries then with metal and/or sharp tweezers in your tank.

 

[sukie]

So sorry!!

It's hard to lose a betta, everyone can sympathizes. . . . .
But don't beat yourself up over it. . . . .(I know, "easier said than done. . . " )

 

[Naughtygirlrlw]

I am so sorry for your loss RW. I know it's really hard and easy to put the blame on yourself but believe me, you are one of the most devoted, caring, and cautious betta owners on this forum. We all know how much you love your babies and do everything possible to give them the best life with you. Please don't beat yourself up over this, it was an accident. Please remember, we are here for you!

 

[jollysue]

Ditto on all statements, except the one about leaving us. You are a valued member. You are more that the sum of your parts. You are more valuable than your experiences up to this time. Believe it!

 

[Synirr]

Ditto on all statements, except the one about leaving us. You are a valued member. You are more that the sum of your parts. You are more valuable than your experiences up to this time. Believe it!

Yeah, don't leave us RandomWiktor, we you!

I'm so sorry for your loss, I know that must be tough for you, but it's definitely not your fault. There's no way you could have known it would happen. It's easy to feel guilty for an unfortunate mistake, but eventually you have to understand that your intentions were good and you did nothing wrong. At least she died doing something she loved, right? We all know bettas love to eat!

 

[SRC]

So sorry about your fish, but...

If you stop and think about it...if this were a wild fish..do you honestly think it would have happened any differently? If the fish had happened upon 3 live bloodworms mingling together and she ate all 3 at one time..and the same scenario happened?
No one needs to feed them with tweezers (would you feed a school of tetras with tweezers? How about an oscar?) or baby them like alot of people do their fish. I've never fed mine with tweezers, or fed them one by one..I thaw them and drop a reasonable size spoonful in the tank, and let them eat them at their own disgretion.

These are fish, not babies/children....these things happen, that could not even be the real reason she died..there is no need to bash yourself about like this, really.
It's ok, and common, to feel some guilt, but you are really blaming yourself for something that was entirely in no way, shape, form, or fashion any fault of your own.

Fish were not meant to be fed with tweezers, so you not feeding her that way is in no way a fault against you, or your fish-keeping abilities. This was merely an unfortunate accident..it just happened to be on your watch. You can't stop everything from going wrong...it just happens that way...it's called Fate.
Look at it this way, there will be people and animals who eat too fast and choke on food everyday, some of them die, some don't. No one should feel to blame because of it..sad from it, sure... to blame for it, absolutely not.

You can't (and shouldn't have to) control how another living thing eats. You might control how much one consumes in volume (so they don't become obese) but not how fast or how much one consumes at a time...it's not suposed to be laid on your shoulders, that lies soley on the individual doing the eating..and no one else.

Obviously it was her time to go, regardless of the circumstance..and as sad and frustrating as that may be, that just what she did. It all falls back to that little song, from The Lion King, "Circle of Life".

We all love you're presence around here...your insight always will be/has/and is very helpful, insightful, and knowledgable....don't let one stroke of bad luck take that away from you (or us).

Go eat some of your favorite comfort food, watch a fun movie, and try to cheer up .

 

[soritan]

Well, I think your wording simply suggested you wanted to take a little sabatical, a choice which I completely understand.

Everyone here likes you, and your fish are obviously cared for very well.

 

[jollysue]

Here's some experiential wisdom a la Jolly: I found some years ago when working as a life insurance sales person that if I let my emotions rule my sense of self worth based on the deeds of the day (such as how many sales I made) my emotions and sense of worth would be on a constant roller coaster ride: up one day, down the next, with no stability. I needed and wanted a constant to refer to.

I found my constant. From then on I kept my eyes on a more worthy goal. No more rollercoaster ride for me. I am simply whom Christ created me to be, doing my best, and being faithful to his call on my life. That means of course that my life is not my own. I have given everything. There is no more to give. In return He is everything, and I can not fail.

It is a truely pleasant and non-burdensome arrangement.

I used to suffer bad bouts of depression, sunken in feelings of failure. I don't suffer from "melancholy" any more. I have confidence that my life has eternal value and meets the highest purpose. My Master is pleased with me; not because I'm perfect in all my ways, but because I am faithful.

Well, So much for no religion and no politics.

It is ok to have tough, difficult days. Then pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again. (More Disney wisdom! )

 

[RandomWiktor]

Oh my. This elicited much more of a response than I thought it would.

To clarify - I'm not going anywhere. I'm just taking a brief break from our betta section to calm down and recooperate. I simply feel awful, and could use some time to calm down, which probably won't happen if I'm immersing myself in bettas online. So, thank you all for your concern, and I'm glad to know I am so valued as a member here.

I realize my upset about this may seem a little silly, or self-inflicting, but one of my flaws as an animal lover is that I have a rotten tendancy to place the blame on myself. I pride myself in knowing my animals, and doing the best for them as individuals. I knew Valkyrie as an individual, and I knew how she ate. I also knew she needed to be fed her food one item at a time, or at least well-spread out, or she would gobble it all down at once and run into problems. So, as a result of hurry and forgetfullness, I ignored what I knew about her, and as a result, she was injured and killed. I realize it was indeed a freak accident. I realize my intentions were not malicious, and that I love all of my fish (clearly, or I wouldn't be so upset) and care for them the best I can. However, I will be feeling badly for a while that negligence on my part resulted in the accident that caused her death. So, I'm just going to go through some nice, natural human grieving, then I'll come back to the betta board in maybe a week or two to continue oggling everyone's beautiful pets, give advice to new owners, and of course, give updates on my ever-troubled remaining fishies.

Thanks for all the love and support everyone; you guys truly make this the "friendliest fish forum around"