Little_Orca
Fish Fanatic
I don't remember the name of this comedian, but I have this sound file on my computer and thought since it included goldfish, it would be fun to share. 
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You ever go out with somebody and then you break up with them and after you break up with them you realize you should have broken up with them WAY earlier! Woah! Woah! What were you thinking?
This is the story of the very first time I should have gotten out of a relationship that I stayed in for too long.
Met this girl, fell in love, after a brief courting period we moved in together. After living together for a couple of days she says... Alright, a couple of weeks. Couple of days, couple of weeks, who knows. It was all crazy an in a blur.
After living together for a couple of weeks she says, and I agree, let's get goldfish, that'll be kind of fun. And I said okay, lets get some goldfish... how bad could it be?
So we get these goldfish and we get them home and we give them cute little names. She calls her Scout and I named my Paper-cut, they're totally different fish. Mine's fat, just sits at the bottom of the bowl and stares. But her fish is kind of cute. If you get get near the bowl it swims to the surface of the water and and goes *pop pop pop pop pop!* Like he can see you, like he knows you're there. You know?
Then my fish kills her fish. It turns out her fish was actually swimming to the top of the water going, "Hey! This other fish is trying to kill me! Please, God, Help! Oh! I'm a fish! I could use some help!" But obviously they don't have voices so I just kept feeding it... "What? I don't Kno... What?"
Girlfriend comes home and she is upset...livid... pissed. Not at me, at my fish. At my FISH for killing her fish. And she starts screaming at my fish going, "You will rue the day!"
Fish don't know what 'rue'means... I don't even know what it means.
So she says to me, and I swear to you this is absolutely true, she goes, "I'm gonna punish your fish!"
"Pray tell how, my sweet?"
So this is what she did: She took the goldfish in the bowl, put it in the closet, locked the door. Lemme say that again, because I feel like you're not taking the journey with me. I want you to take the journey.
She took the goldfish in the bowl, put it in the closet then she locked the door... locked the door... she locked the door...locked it... locked the door... yes... Yes... Locked it. It's a goldfish in there, not a cougar. Goldfish! Locked the door.
Woooh... I stayed with her for six years.
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You ever go out with somebody and then you break up with them and after you break up with them you realize you should have broken up with them WAY earlier! Woah! Woah! What were you thinking?
This is the story of the very first time I should have gotten out of a relationship that I stayed in for too long.
Met this girl, fell in love, after a brief courting period we moved in together. After living together for a couple of days she says... Alright, a couple of weeks. Couple of days, couple of weeks, who knows. It was all crazy an in a blur.
After living together for a couple of weeks she says, and I agree, let's get goldfish, that'll be kind of fun. And I said okay, lets get some goldfish... how bad could it be?
So we get these goldfish and we get them home and we give them cute little names. She calls her Scout and I named my Paper-cut, they're totally different fish. Mine's fat, just sits at the bottom of the bowl and stares. But her fish is kind of cute. If you get get near the bowl it swims to the surface of the water and and goes *pop pop pop pop pop!* Like he can see you, like he knows you're there. You know?
Then my fish kills her fish. It turns out her fish was actually swimming to the top of the water going, "Hey! This other fish is trying to kill me! Please, God, Help! Oh! I'm a fish! I could use some help!" But obviously they don't have voices so I just kept feeding it... "What? I don't Kno... What?"
Girlfriend comes home and she is upset...livid... pissed. Not at me, at my fish. At my FISH for killing her fish. And she starts screaming at my fish going, "You will rue the day!"
Fish don't know what 'rue'means... I don't even know what it means.
So she says to me, and I swear to you this is absolutely true, she goes, "I'm gonna punish your fish!"
"Pray tell how, my sweet?"
So this is what she did: She took the goldfish in the bowl, put it in the closet, locked the door. Lemme say that again, because I feel like you're not taking the journey with me. I want you to take the journey.
She took the goldfish in the bowl, put it in the closet then she locked the door... locked the door... she locked the door...locked it... locked the door... yes... Yes... Locked it. It's a goldfish in there, not a cougar. Goldfish! Locked the door.
Woooh... I stayed with her for six years.
