ah they may still be a little small to show signs of their sex, mine is just around 6" now, has smallish spines behind the gills, i would think its a female.
the spines don't stick out as such, they are flat with the body, you have to look close at the side of the fish behind the gill cover to see them properly, both males and females have them just the males tend to be bigger.
also males tend to have a whitish outline to the fins (dorsal,anal and tail), although from my experience it does tend to fade to be more transparent with age, and i have also seen obvious males with absolutely no white colouring so its not a definate way of sexing. im unsure of the differences in behaviour as i have only ever kept one on its own.
Dave