Favorite betta "Dumbass" is dead.

[Andie]

Jaimoe, I really admire you for being more rational about this than I think I would have been! You're being very fair to both the mother and her son and you're obviously going to do things differently next time.

I love kids, myself, but they do require parents willing to supervise them and teach them when "helping" is okay and when it's not Sounds like your friend was very quick to tell her son what he'd done wrong, which could, on the upside, mean he might know better the next time he gets near somebody else's fish tank. I'm just so sorry you had to lose a betta in the process

 

[riogal_11]

At two years old, I don't think just saying he shouldn't do that is sufficient. Since he had done something similar before, you'd think the mom would have kept a closer eye on him. You are handling this better than I would! I would be highly pissed!

 

[SRC]

Wow..that really sucks. Sorry about your fish. Hindsight can be quite annoying at times, huh?


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I keep all my tanks up high so no little hands can reach them period (not just can't reach in them). I'm not afraid for the fish, I'm afraid for the kids...afraid they'll pull them on top of them...tanks are heavy and could hurt the kid. You know humans, even though some are aggravating, are still worth more then a fish.

I can understand being mad and all...but when you have a child in a house..no matter whose house it may be (you do know that if someone gets hurt on your property..no matter if they were being clutsy or not..you are responsible..by law..that's the #1 reason why I don't let my son's friends jump on our trampoline)...you should always take precautions. Kids are slippery little things...they can sneak off and reak havok in no time flat.

I doubt anyone else here could say that they've never made a mistake...well mothers make them too, and they are far from perfect (just because you become a mother doesn't instantly turn you into Wonder Woman you know..it's like fish-keeping, it takes some practice, and not everyone is good at it)..despite what your's leads you to believe.

At 2-3 yrs old a kid doesn't have a clue what death is much less understand that they just killed something, or that they did anything wrong (which is why when things happen you explain to them..kids only know what they learn..and if a parent doesn't have a fish tank..well, they aren't going to teach them about fish, and at 2-3 yrs old..you haven't had enough to time to teach them everything yet...it takes alittle while to get everything in ).

You also need to realize a 2-3 yr olds attention span is like ---- long. Just telling them "no" and why not to do it once isn't going to stick (wonder how many of you have/or have had puppies..and wonder how many times they've been able to slip off and tinkle in the floor or on the carpet undetected, only for you to step in sock footed? ). Now I will say that if he has done this in previous visits...the mother and fish owner should have mentioned it after they got there, and then the both of you should have kept an eye on him as well. Kids can only do what they are allowed...nothing more.

Most of the time they just want to shake the bottle of liquid (that's like "Uber Doober" cool to little kids lol..the squishy sounds it makes..ever taken a venture down the baby toy section at Walmart..in the actual baby department..not the toy isle..it's loaded with stuff like that), then when they figure out how to unscrew tops (which to them is a magical feat) oh boy...it's time for those cabinet locks, and when they see other liquid to dump it in....to them it only makes sense (unlike me and you..who know better..of course, we got a few years on them )

Seems like an awful lot of things to to transpire during that time though (little kids aren't as adept at unscrewing bottle tops as you and I are at 2-3 yrs old..it takes some effort on their part)...and I'm wondering where the both of you were during these episodes and exactly how low this bowl was sitting....I mean, it's a wonder it didn't end up on the kid, or crashed in the floor ( ).

Still sucks, regardless, about the fish....at least you'll be prepared next time...get those tanks up higher and get all toddler heigth items moved or hidden higher too .

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I have a un-related question though....if you see a bunch of food that's been dumped in your tank...why not take the fish out of the tank and put them in clean water, as soon as you notice it, while you clean the tank, instead of leaving them in and trying to syphon out the food? Seems to me that'd = no/or less dead fish.

 

[riogal_11]

I always wondered the same thing SRC... unless maybe you don't notice until after they've already ate tons.

 

[Andie]

I doubt anyone else here could say that they've never made a mistake...well mothers make them too, and they are far from perfect (just because you become a mother doesn't instantly turn you into Wonder Woman you know)..despite what your's leads you to believe.

[snapback]904320[/snapback]​

My mother IS WonderWoman. Mwahaha!

lol seriously though, one thing I love about my mum is she's always been honest with my sister and me about how human and fallible she is, and I guess that makes me view certain situations with more tolerance than some people might, child-induced mishaps included. I have such a temper, though, and I'd be so upset at the loss of my fish that I'm afraid I'd be hard put to react as calmly as you seem to have, Jaimoe, and I'll say again how much I do admire you for it.

That's a good point though, Jennie, about the dangers tanks can pose to children- I guess I was thinking in terms of this being a smaller bowl so it never occurred to me that it could have been a danger in itself. I guess, if you're not looking at this from the betta's point of view, it ended better than it might have done otherwise. I haven't had a big tank at the same time as we've had small children around, so I never got into the habit of combining the two- I'm so used to warning them not to play roughly with the dogs, but now I'll have to get used to the tank factor, too

 

[splashluff]

Wow... how sad. RIP Dumbass. He sounded like a really cute fish with a funny personality, its sad that he had to die like that ~ regardless of who's to blame, and personally, I think the blame IS on the parent and she should definitely compensate for your loss. If me or my kid (not that I have a kid) killed some one's fish, or plant, or whatever, I would feel HORRIBLE and I'd offer to at least pay to replace the fish.

I had a similar incident happen on Friday, I had Bonzai's bag of Hikari sitting next to his tank because I had just fed him, and I was leaving and in a hurry so I just left it there. My Dad and stepMom were "watching" my 3 year-old brother ~ but they were watching a movie and he ran over and dumped ALL of the pellets into Bonzai's tank. Luckily, I ran back in to get my lipsmackers and saw him staring at the tank I ran over, saw what had happened, scooped all the pellets I could out and did an emergency water change and Alex was on a LONG time out. Bonzai would've definitely died if I had not run back in... it is my fault for leaving the pellets there, and they're locked up in my room on top of a shelf now, but still his parents should've been watching him!

 

[SRC]

Andie....just think about it...a gallon of water weighs 8 lbs. Even a plastic 1 gallon tank would hurt a 2-3 year old if it fell on them. I guess I think about it because of mine...I had to put most of my stuff up higher until he was about 6. Kid's like to experiment and plunder and "help"....fish are just a viable target for all of those things (in no particular order).

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I guess you'd have to be a parent or have taken care /been responsible for children before to fully appreciate the concept of not blaming a small child for their actions, and giving a parent the benefit of the doubt sometimes. You can't be everywhere at all times, and you can't prevent everything from happening..I don't care who you are. They created the word "accident" for a purpose...and it definately happens alot, sometimes it just happens more to some people.

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When you have babies in a house..they didn't coin the phrase "baby proofing" for nothing.
Not your fault directly, meaning you didn't cause it to happen...but accidents do happen when things are left up to chance. Better to put stuff up where little fingers can't get it, then leave it where they can and hope someone is watching them 24/7 and they don't.

If you know there is a little one in the house..you should be prepared. You know...helping parents out isn't a crime, although blaming them is quite easy.

Sure the parent is responsible for the childs actions..but so is a parent of a 13 yr old. Until a child is 18, doesn't matter what they do or where they do it..the parents is responsible for the action.

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Now that being said....I can only assume that the mother is a responsible parent. Some parents do not watch their children at all, they thinka tv will....Those tend to be the ones that end up with children drowned in swimming pools or with severly burnt hands from stoves.

 

[Synirr]

So sorry for your loss!

This is just one of the many examples of why I will never have kids .
Sometimes my neice (4) and nephew (7) come over, and while my nephew doesn't even care about the fish and just wants to play video games, my neice is obsessive about them. She asks me if she can feed them... every single one of them. I think that a good thing to tell kids is that if you overfeed the fish they will get a tummy ache and might even get very seriously ill, so they should never feed them without you around to tell them how much is ok. This is what I do with my neice, and so far we haven't had any "accidents"

 

[FishEnthusiast]

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. It really sucks to lose a pet. I am sure your friend's child learned a valuable lesson today.

Parents can't be everywhere at once. I applaud you for being an understanding indivdual. Kids are curious things. And at 3 they are eager to try new things. They see something and think hmmm I wonder what would happen if... and before you know it they have done something no educated person would do. But that is just it, they aren't educated yet.

Telling a child no and not giving a reason why is like banging your head against a wall. All the child is going to think is well why not? They will then be curious to find out why they aren't supposed to do what you have told them not to do, so they will continue to do it. They won't stop until either a) someone finally takes the time to teach them or B) they seriously harm themselves or others.

Thank you for understanding how hard it is to be a parent and being so forgiving. That makes you a very good person in my books.

 

[SPLiSH]

Sorry to hear about Dumbass, Jaimoe. lil' guy.

I would be highly cranky if someone killed or even harmed my fish. I actually have a little fish shaped sign above my betta's tank that says 'Please don't tap on the glass or feed the fish. Thanks!'

I think the reason kids do stuff like that is because they are innocently and genuinely trying to help. At the age of like, under 5 or so, that behaviour is understandable but still sucks and the mum should do something to compensate for your loss. But it sounds like she's genuinely upset for you.

I currently have the pleasure of having my... *darling*... cousin staying with us. She is a real brat and although she's only a few months younger than me (13) she is honestly the most selfish person I've met in a long time.

First she started tapping with a pen on the betta tank. I pointed to the sign. She read it, laughed and said 'Well, this tank is plastic so I'm not banging on the glass!' I said 'Well, technically yeah, but he gets really scared so lets not do it, ok?' She got all sh**ty and stormed off. At dinner she kneed my dog (who's recently been operated on) in the stomach, because she licked her knee and laughed when my dad cut his finger on a knife while washing up.

Gee, and my mum wonders why I don't want kids when I'm older.

 

[smooth_bourbon]

Sure the parent is responsible for the childs actions..but so is a parent of a 13 yr old. Until a child is 18, doesn't matter what they do or where they do it..the parents is responsible for the action.

Geeze way to put the fear of having children into someone. Reading it worded like that makes it terrfying!


Sorry about dumbass.

Make sure you stay in touch with the kid should work for some good guilting down the road. Wait till hes a teenager then teach him how to care for fish properly so he can make up for it and do all your water changes

 

[SRC]

Yeah...be nice if everyone under 18 remembered that the next time they do something stupid/reckless....and then figure that tid-bit of info in on the reaction they always get from their parents....makes a little more sense huh?

It should be considered terrifiying...you are responsible for the life, and actions, of another human being until they are deemed "grown".
Not respecting those boundries can have dire consequences. That's why children should not have children lol.

Being a parent isn't a cake walk.

I to comend the OP for not blowing up about it.....takes an understanding person to handle themselves in a civil mannor when their personal property has been damaged.

 

[Elise]

RIP Poor Guy, plant meds is a bad way to go!

I also am not a kid-person. I just never could see why everything thinks they're so great. But, hey that's just me!

Here's a little Petsmart story for you: I was at the store and I see a woman with her little boy. She set him down, he wanted to go see the bettas in their tinsy cups. He ran over, grabbed the top of the cups and pulled. Luckily, someone right there grabbed them and tipped them up.

I honestly felt bad for the mom because then the child pitched a fit (oooh, I HATE it when kids throw fits in public!) . So I turn to my friend and say not loud enough for the mom to hear that I really hate kids. The man in front of us in line turns around and starts to ask me why and if I have ever had kids, etc (and I'm only 19, there is no way I have kids). So he's kinda cute, so I talk to him and then, the mother and the screaming kid come over to him. Aparently I had been venting my child anger to the father!

Anyway, long story short, kids are only meant for some people. As in, not me. And I would have cried if some kid killed one of my babies.

 

[smooth_bourbon]

I had a friend that had her kids very young and went thru a little rebelling, so I had her two kids for a couple months. A two year old and a two week old. Oh yeah wont be doing that again anytime soon . I really do love kids and especially those little girls (they call me auntie dawn) melts my heart.

The two year old and I worked out the fish thing real quick. Basically I set up chairs in front of the tank the two of us sat and stared together for hours. We then colored fishies which I cut and she glued all over my sliding glass door. .

ok maybe she just worked me I am a sucker for a cute face

Good thing for baby gates.

 

[SRC]

lol..you're 19...wait til you're about 27+ and I guarantee your view will change.

You'll meet a dreamy guy, fall in love, get married, then the ole biological clock will start to tick..and it will be baby time. Once you have one....you'll be hoooked. There is nothing sweeter then a baby in your arms asleep . And even those little brats are adorable asleep in their beds..looking like little angels.

I can't tell you how much "treasured" stuff mine has drolled on, spit up on, broken, mangled, ect....and I love him regardless. After a while everything else just starts to take a back seat and not be as important to you (not saying it's still not important..but you know...it's less important then them)...when a little one is concerned.