Can We All Stop Jumping On Everyone?

[Gankutsuou]

Let me put my two cents into here. I've got to say that ever since I've come here, I've gotten TONS of help.

Look at me. I've gone from a kid who had a 10 gallon non planted tank, that was horribly over stocked and had a dragon goby (brackish fish), betta, tetra, and other things in it that shouldn't have been, taking it step by step, into what should be by January 5th, a 30 gallon and my already set up 38, greatly planted, over filtered, setup.

and when people say they're getting a tank, a lotta the times, they may not because something comes up. I'm sure a lot of people doubt now when someone says "I'm getting X tank when.", but sometimes they say they're getting that tank to force people to back off of them.

And honestly, how many people doubt I'm getting a 30? I've asked the guy at one of the LFS to get one. He said it'll be in Wedensday or Thursday. I've got 1 porthole catfish already for it, which shows that, yes, I still am impatient and love getting fish. But at least, unlike when I began, I have a back up plan of moving the brochis to the 10 and getting one more.

I've also gotta say, when I first spoke to discus lover, I totally hit it off on the wrong foot. I think a few members just totally rub the fur the wrong way, so to speak, and we don;t realize our responses. But now, I'd consider Discus one of my favorite members. I can see that he really does care for his fish, and that he has learned a lot here.

I think I can say the same for Pica. We've kinda hit it off wrong too. But everything he's said, and if anything was rough, it was out of his love for the fish. Not for the sake of hammering a kid down.

Keep it up guys. Keep in mind, we're making the world a better place for fish. And how does the world become a better place? Kindness and humanity.

 

[jollysue]

Yeah! This is a repeat thread. Every so often we get reminded to "play nice!" And I try a little harder to take a deep breath and explain again what I just took 2 days explaining in the thread just above. I suppose I need to improve my communication skills if it takes two days to say, "Rule no. 1 of fish keeping =clean water."

But most times I am rewarded for holding someone's hand while their fish dies, or sharing the excitement of a new fish. When I get testy and bark at someone, I am so often surprised at the pleasant and polite forgiveness that comes my way from the 13 year old. Then I am ashamed of my bad humor.

When I finish that two day grief walk with some one who's Betta has just died of Nitrite poisoning and the next thread is the same question, and I just don't want to do it again, I fold up shop and take a walk. If the post still has 0 replies when I come around again, I read it and do my best.

When I started on TFF I took a couple hits. I don't think it's worse. It might be better If it is really truely bad and someone is messing with you, pm a mod and ask them to help. They will at least monitor the posts. If I see someone making mincemeat out of a new member--or an old member--I will step in and see if I can do something.

These kind of venting threads don't bother me a bit. If people get frustrated at folks discussing things then go open another thread. Was that too blunt?

 

[Ferris]

I think I can say the same for Pica. We've kinda hit it off wrong too. But everything he's said, and if anything was rough, it was out of his love for the fish. Not for the sake of hammering a kid down.

He is a she by the way.

 

[Darkstar]

These kind of venting threads don't bother me a bit. If people get frustrated at folks discussing things then go open another thread. Was that too blunt?

Yes but what are they venting about?!?!?...I'll tell you, a fundamental part of human nature that's what. We are entitled to disagree with each other and say in our own way which may or may not be accpetable by others.
It's fine to discuss the finer points of why it is so as you say, but it's utterly pointless to discuss it with the aim of somehow preventing it in future. It's like me starting a thread saying 'oh I wish people didn't breath, I find it so repetitive and boring!'
To sit and discuss it, with the hope of preventing something which is inevitable and part of who we are as individuals and as a society is futile and doomed to fail.

and even though I've only been here to 2 weeks or so: For those that believe this forum has gone down hill I say it hasn't. I can tell you this forum hasn't changed one bit, it's your perception of it that has...and that's where your problem lies, ie with you not the forum.

 

[Squid]

Why don't people just do what they are supposed to do. If your not happy with something, PM a mod (the main page will even show you which are online). The mod will moderate (the clue was in the name ) where appropriate. This way people who do not abide by forum rules will be dealt with appropriately, and will reduce the amount of threads that go off topic due to arguments.

But..

read your own post before posting it... add a smile if necessary to show that you are not meaning things in a bad way..

read somebody elses post again, and make sure you havent taken it the wrong way. If it offends you, PM a mod.

Squid

 

[jollysue]

I think I can say the same for Pica. We've kinda hit it off wrong too. But everything he's said, and if anything was rough, it was out of his love for the fish. Not for the sake of hammering a kid down.

He is a she by the way.

After a year and a half, I finally figured that out! haha I am in denial. My favorite forum philosopher is a girl!

I am anxious to say: One of my pet peeves is a hypocritical smily face and the end of an insult.

 

[Squid]

I am anxious to say: One of my pet peeves is a hypocritical smily face and the end of an insult.

oh yes.. i didn't mean one of those.. <-non-sarcastic or hypocritical ones.

Squid

 

[jollysue]

 

[cleekdaFish]

can we all just get along

 

[Breeze7050]

Why don't people just do what they are supposed to do. If your not happy with something, PM a mod (the main page will even show you which are online). The mod will moderate (the clue was in the name ) where appropriate. This way people who do not abide by forum rules will be dealt with appropriately, and will reduce the amount of threads that go off topic due to arguments.

But..

read your own post before posting it... add a smile if necessary to show that you are not meaning things in a bad way..

read somebody elses post again, and make sure you havent taken it the wrong way. If it offends you, PM a mod.

Squid

Great point Squid! The smiley does say a lot. It makes people feel a little less attacked. Of course now we are going to have a thread saying something along these lines
"What is with all the %#@*# #@#*&^ Smileys all over the place!!"

 

[raptorrex]

can we all just get along

we wish
Thing is some like a good argument. often the people upset by a spat, are not the ones directly involved. i have had "toe to toe", with several people. but its not often that, comments made have offended or upset me. I miss read a post recently, and replied in kind, as i thought, the post was removed and i was warned, quite rightly, i then posted and apology, and things carried on. we read in this thread "i've been reading posts" and "its seems to me", if the people involved in the spat are not upset by it, why should they have to watch what they say? if you are trawling the post and it seems to you like, things are out of hand. So what? but if you are involved in a thread and you feel things are OTT contact a mod!


perhaps most importantly, is peoples ability with the English language. we are not all, equally, able in this department. which can make some posts seem offish, or aloof, this however is not easily fixed. I personally am not prepared to reduce the standard of my English, simply because, its not fully understood by all. as for age, its not often i even notice, how old a member is. as such i treat all the same!

 

[jollysue]

Darkstar, I do agree with you 100%. Venting is a way to release the anxiety by saying what is bothering you and to disagree in an acceptable way. It really doesn't change the unchangeable. It does give those who care a chance to encourage one another. And the best encouargement is positive encouragement. I had a bit of trouble getting the point you wanted to make??

boboboy: I found you to be good humored and fair. My quibble with the age thing is that I find that many get very impatient with the questions and perspective of some members. They get impatient and want them to act different. But they don't realize that they are talking to a twelve year old who is being totally appropriate for their age. When someone is acting young--or old-- it may be appropriate to treat them according to their age. In other words take the extra time or find something else to do.

 

[Darkstar]

Darkstar, I do agree with you 100%. Venting is a way to release the anxiety by saying what is bothering you and to disagree in an acceptable way. It really doesn't change the unchangeable. It does give those who care a chance to encourage one another. And the best encouargement is positive encouragement. I had a bit of trouble getting the point you wanted to make?

My point was, to sit a discuss the arguments which take place on here is fine as you state. But to sit and discuss it with the intention of potentially finding a solution to a non-existent problem will never happen. We will never all get along, people will never always respond in the right way...and to deny that and assume that if we discuss it we shall somehow find a solution that means everyone is always going to be nice to each other and never argue again is to have your head in the clouds.
Instead why not, embrace the fact that we have the opportunity to share new ideas and thoughts, even if you don't agree with them.
The fact that this thread even exists implies that some think there is a problem on the forum....in reality there isn't, it's working just like any other forum or any other place where the exchange of thoughts and ideas is able to take place.
But then, I personally like a bit of banter...so it doesn't bother me one bit

 

[jamespond]

As a new member, and a person whose returning to fish keeping after a number of years, I think I’m in a good position to comment on this.

I’m totally new to cycling and the upkeep of a small tank…so like many new members here, I have asked lots of questions. I’ve also seen many new threads from people who are just setting out with their set ups. The main problems I’ve seen arise in the eagerness of some people to jump on new members and (literally) tear their set up apart. It must be quite upsetting for a totally new fish keeper to be told their entire set up is wrong and they’re doing nothing but torturing their fish!

I agree that you get some people here who are (in true Finding Nemo style) keeping a fish in the totally wrong set up…but I’ve also seen many occasions where that hasn’t been the case and I wouldn’t be surprised if the new fish keeper has taken everything back to the shop and given up! As someone stated, people come here because they care and really want to make sure their fish are happy. Not to be told to take their fish back to the shop and start again because they are stupid.

Obviously, advice can be taken wrongly or in a bad way and i'm sure that can be simply sorted out with a few nice posts.

But people need to accept that not everyone wants (or has the space for) a HUGE tank and they shouldn't be frowned upon for being in that position. I’m keeping a 10 gallon tank and once its cycled (with fish shock horror! ) I shall be adding 4-5 more fish and that will be it. I think people need to remember that we were all new to keeping fish once and we’re all here because we care about our water bound friends.

 

[double-trouble]

I agree on a whole that its harsh to jump on people to much.
but in some case people dont listen to advice, however sometimes for a new member its hard to take on all the advice people give us all at once.
I am guilty of getting myself all confused and asking stupid questions however nobody on here has been blunt and unhelpful towards me.
reading some posts tho some people can be abit harsh to questions that may be commonly asked but the new members need to know. these may be posted somewhere else but its sometimes difficult to find where they are located!!!